Since I live alone and seldom feel like cooking an elaborate meal, I usually eat quick crap: sandwiches, scrambled eggs, frozen pizza, soup - - anything that takes little time or effort to prepare.
Yesterday the rainy, cold weather inflicted me with an uncanny urge to eat something decent. Boneless pork chops, potatoes, and green beans sounded like an intriguing diversion from tuna sandwiches.
I always put the chops and potatoes on a big tray and bake them in the oven.
I slice the potatoes thin - then douse them with olive oil, pepper, paprika and garlic salt.
Everything was going wonderfully well. After half an hour, I was just about ready to take the tray out of the oven.
I suddenly started searching the kitchen for my trusty serrated knife, which I needed to cut an onion.
It probably sounds peculiar, but I've been using this one particular knife for at least a dozen years. It's my favorite culinary utensil and has never failed me. Without it, I'm lost.
I searched the kitchen with increasing frustration: the drawers, countertop - it's a small area, there aren't many places to look.
I even searched the refrigerator, just in case my absentmindedness had caused me to place the knife in there.
Acute paranoia suddenly kicked in.
What if I'm even more crazy than I initially thought - and there never really was a knife??
While pondering that horrifying consideration, the uniquely pungent odor of burning food was thickly drifting from the oven.
I opened the oven door, pulled the tray out, and couldn't believe what I saw.
There - - amidst the well-done potatoes and pork chops - - was.....
....let's all say it together....
the missing knife!!!!
Well, technically, only the blade was recognizable.
The handle had COMPLETELY melted away and the odious liquid was shamelessly infused with the food!
I don't know whether I was more shocked by the dissolving knife or the fact that the handle seemed to have been made of plastic - - rather than wood, as I had initially thought.
At any rate, the beautiful meal was ruined.
I carefully tried to scrape off the melted plastic goo, and attempted to eat bits of the chops and potatoes that didn't seem too tainted.
But it was an unnerving process, during which I imagined that I might get poisoned if I ingested enough plastic.
I miss my knife. I'm angry that a good meal was destroyed. And I'm even more pissed at my carelessness.
I've had a lot of kitchen calamities in my time, but I never thoroughly baked a knife at 400 degrees.
Could there be a reasonably agreeable resolution to this annoyingly long tale?
Possibly.
I have a few more pork chops and I'm going to carefully cook them tonight.
I must try and remember what goes in my oven. Oh my, you have my sympathies. Don't worry too much, Jon, it happens to us all at a certain age. I could tell you a few tales about my stupid memory. Every day I search for something and half way through I cannot remember what I was searching for!!
ReplyDeleteI seem to do most of my forgetting when I'm doing several things at once. My mind is easily muddled.
DeleteAnd I'll reluctantly admit that there are times when I completely forget what I was searching for.....in fact, it happened just the other day.
My husband once left a meat thermometer inside the meat while roasting it. Doesn't sound bad until you realize the see through window on the numbers was plastic. Oh, the smell!
ReplyDeleteSorry you lost your favorite knife in the process. A good knife is hard to find.
Thank goodness I don't have a meat thermometer - - I would have probably done the same thing.
DeleteOne time (quite recently) I left the cardboard on the bottom of a frozen pizza when I put it in the oven. Miraculously the cardboard didn't burn and the pizza was edible.
Drat, Jon, I hate when not able to locate a favorite kitchen utensil (yes, we all have them) and it’s happened. Thankfully, it wasn’t found in the food prep lime yours. Sad to read that you not only lost a favorite one but also what sounded like a great meal. If we had an extra serrated knife, it would be sent your way. Hope you can find a replacement, preferably with a wood handle. Now you have me thinking that a future post on favorite kitchen “tools” might be interesting.
ReplyDeleteActually, I was more upset over the meal than the knife. And I was astounded that the handle melted. I honestly thought it was made of wood. Fortunately I do have many more cooking utensils, but they're all packed away. I'm sure I'll find a suitable knife......hopefully with an oven-proof handle!
DeleteA post about favorite cooking utensils would be interesting.
Ooooh no! I nearly spit out my coffee. Sorry, but the way you've woven this story made me laugh so hard.
ReplyDeleteI, too, have a favorite knife (Ginzu, vintage '77). I think your knife's demise warrants a careful choice of its successor.
If I made you spit coffee, I'll consider my post to be a success. Right after I discovered the knife in the oven, I figured it would make a fairly decent blog post. (my creativity knows no bounds...and has no shame...).
DeleteFortunately I have a lot of kitchen utensils that are packed away. I'll find a suitable knife somewhere.
Oh no! I hope your other pork chops turn out beautifully. Now you will have to go on a hunt for a new favorite knife. :(
ReplyDeleteRita, I made the other pork chops last night, around midnight (!) and enjoyed eating them. Hopefully I'll be more careful next time. Once, long ago, I remember leaving a fork in the oven, but retrieved it before it had time to melt.
DeleteI only like my knives medium rare.
ReplyDeleteThis knife was beyond well-done. I've never seen a knife handle completely liquified....
DeleteFor your next knife.... Buy a Shun! ( Japanese knife) You will LOVE it. (Be careful! It is Samurai sharp! Try not to cut off a finger...)
ReplyDeleteThat knife sounds too dangerous for a klutz like myself - - but if it's oven-proof I'll consider it.
DeleteEthan is right!!! I have several Japanese knives….and are they great to cut with. But watch as they are very sharp.
DeleteBefore using that knife I'd have to get my fingers insured....
DeleteI've melted plenty of knife handles but mostly in the dishwasher or by leaning them up against the hot side of a pan. I've never baked one before! Glad you have more pork chops, minus the plastic coating.
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, I've never used a dishwasher - even when I had one. I didn't know knife handles could melt so easily. And I was truly stunned to find it completely liquified in the oven.
DeleteI made the other pork chops late last night and really enjoyed them
look at it this way. you may have lost your beloved knife but you didn't burn down the house. that's a plus. i've had an oven fire and it ain't pretty. i'm sorry your mouthwatering chops and potatoes were lost but inspite of any plastic you digested, you're still here. and by now any bad stuff you swallowed probably came out the other end or will be shortly. so hang tough until it happens. or maybe it will pass unnoticed which is all the better. i'd replace the knife online according to your criteria because Walmart may not have what you need. the snow here has melted so i'm feeling happy today. i hope some sunshine heads your way. take care. hope that second batch of porkchops were scrumptious.
ReplyDeleteI never knew a knife handle could completely dissolve like that, and I had no idea it was made of plastic. Fortunately, I have a lot of cooking utensils packed away, so I'm sure I'll find another suitable knife.
DeleteI did make the second batch of pork chops and they were delicious - and plastic-free.
I'm glad your snow is melting, which should alleviate the cabin fever. The weather here is rainy and fairly mild. I'm overjoyed to have my furnace working again.
Sounds like something I'd do.
ReplyDeleteWell, Donna, it's reassuring that I'm not alone....
Delete