Random, haphazard, disjointed thoughts.
I'm mostly just talking to myself, hardly considering the remote prospect of occasional interlopers stopping by to secretly eavesdrop.....
Welcome to winter. The Winter Solstice occurred last Monday (the 21st, I think). The days are extremely short. The sun rises just before 7:00 am and it's completely dark by 4:30. These final days of December are frantically pulsing towards another year.
I'm dreading the new year. My life is presently tainted with so many serious problems that I'm completely overwhelmed. Problems that I wouldn't dare mention on a public blog.
Yesterday morning I was so stressed that I had a violent dizzy spell and collapsed by the side of my bed. Thought I was dying. Thought no one will find my remains in this godforsaken place for fifty years.
No need for alarm. I've been through far worse things than this and survived. I've been in Survival Mode most of my life.
When I moved to rural Tennessee I thought my life would be blessedly simple and uncomplicated. Ironically, it's become a resounding facsimile of Hell.
Old Chinese proverb:
Be careful what you wish for.......
But nobody wants to hear depressing things. After all, this is a wonderful time of year - filled with sugarplums, candy canes, and tidings of great joy.
In your dreams, comrade, in your dreams.
I drove to town last Monday (Winter Solstice).
Is it my imagination, or are things more expensive since the onslaught of the pandemic? Everything seems higher-priced.
Some of the shelves were empty in Walmart. The Christmas aisle which has candy and cookies was completely empty. Nothing left - not even a gumdrop.
And spooky masked people were haunting the empty toilet paper aisle, desperately searching for a coveted scrap of paper.
The world is beyond insane.
I was shocked when I went to the local supermarket. They were completely out of milk. I had to settle for an old carton of 2 per cent milk. I HATE 2 per cent milk. It's like drinking water.
I bought some egg nog. And oranges and apples. Happy Holidays!
If nothing else, I now have a surplus of food and supplies. And just in time. The temperature is supposed to drop drastically on Christmas Eve and snow is predicted.
A white Christmas??
The photo at the top of this post was taken yesterday. A cold, feeble winter sun timidly lurking behind naked forest trees.
And every morning is obscured by thick shrouds of fog. I never tire of watching it.....
....but the eternal dampness is bitterly brutal - penetrating the marrow of my shivering bones.
Every night, after midnight, the coyotes come around like clockwork - - screaming, wailing, and lamenting with taunting, ghoulish cries.
And restless owls have secret conversations in nearby trees.
If nothing else, I love the ambience of the winter forest nights.
Meanwhile my two cats are savoring the electric blanket on my bed. I took this photo because it's rare to see them together. They tolerate each other nicely, but aren't exactly in love. Kitzee (on the left) never fails to remind Bosco that she's the boss.
It's no secret that I'm a tea addict. The other night I made a huge mug of Earl Grey tea, with honey and condensed milk. Before I could take a sip, I knocked the entire mug over and it doused the kitchen table and my laptop computer. Fortunately no permanent damage to the laptop.
That same night, Kitzee the cat puked in my lap....
and I stepped barefooted on a dead mouse that was killed by Bosco.
(actually I was wearing socks but no shoes)
Have I said enough? Hopefully my interlopers and eavesdroppers aren't bored.
I'm still deciding whether I should discontinue this blog by the end of the year,
Blogging used to be a pleasant diversion. Lately it's become an annoying chore;.
But I plod on.
I'll write more on Xmas Eve.
I have come very close to falling down faint three different times. Once after hitting my head on the windshield years ago, before seat belts were in cars, I was ok with my head bump, but when I looked over and my boyfriend (now husband for 46 years) and he had broken teeth and blood on his lap I got tunnel vision and woozy, another time from being in the sun too long, and another time from low blood sugar. When I get the fading vision, it seems I snap out of it enough to sit down before falling down. I hope you didn't get hurt badly when you fell.
ReplyDeleteThe hot tea with milk sounds good. When I have hot tea and milk, I have a little salsa cup that my Fuzzy Pomeranian has a tiny bit of tea and mostly milk, he loves it. He starts begging for it when he sees me get the box of tea bags out. I drink P G Tips from the UK. Last January my son was in Beijing (right before Covid shut down everything). He spent about three hours in a tea store where he was talking with an electronic translator to the store owner finding out all kinds of information about various teas. He said the store owner was so happy to tell all about the different teas. The store owner's family had been selling all different kinds of teas for generations.
For 17 years we had a big old Persian cat. He barfed so often. If he would ever have done it on my lap, I would have too. It was bad enough cleaning it up from the floor.
Your woods looks amazing blurred in fog. It must be very muffled and strange when the fog descends there in your woods.
I hope you continue to post here on this blog. I understand how difficult it can be, though. I have a blog, but rarely post on it now. Health things have gotten in the way, and truthfully I don't have a lot of interesting things to write about lately. I haven't posted since blogger has changed things up, hopefully they have not made it too convoluted to post a simple post now.
You worry me, friend.
ReplyDeleteAll the same, I'm enjoying these pictures. Love the, "Restless owls having secret conversations in nearby trees." Is there, perhaps, a sequel to "Love Letters to Ghosts" in the works?
PS - Glad you've got that electric blanket!
It seems like blogging is a connection to the outside world. (much needed these days)If it's not pleasurable to write on it, perhaps take a break with the option to return. Ugh on the shopping. It gets more and more stressful. 2 percent is my favorite milk for my mochas(I don't like milk by itself) and eggnog is not my thing. Now I'm wondering if I'll get TP in my Safeway pick up order...
ReplyDeleteOMGosh! I'm glad the tea didn't destroy your laptop!!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. *hugs*
I started dismantling my main blog which I have had since 2007 a few weeks ago and I am certain it was the right decision for me. I don't feel connected to people anymore and have pulled away from most every one but my son. My blog had gone through several incarnations, including loss of stats and views every time I changed my email account so it was never a numbers game for me. In fact I used to delete my followers to keep myself sane. Point being - I knew it was over for me. And you will too - which leads me to believe your uncertainty might be what saves you from leaving something you actually need. I have several other blogs, so the loss of the one - though my most personal - has not been grievous to date. However, It is not easy to be isolated from the world but to isolate yourself even more than you are might not end well for you and that seems worrisome. That said, I have selfish reasons for wanting you to keep blogging. I appreciate your well written entries and I will miss you terribly if you go away. Maybe you could just use your blog to write your memoirs, or perhaps you could even write creative non-fiction or even fiction for those of us who visit. The possibilities are endless. All the best!🎄
ReplyDeleteIf you leave blogging, what will I read on a semi-weekly basis? I do enjoy your blog. You rarely disappoint with the "normal" disasters many people choose to leave out. Writing out your problems and venting to the ether is my personal form of therapy...AND so much cheaper than a REAL therapist.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE egg nog... but I can not enjoy it in my old age as I once could. Now... TOM AND JERRYS! With a shot of Brandy and Spiced rum. Honestly, I don't even feel the booze. But the Tom and Jerry batter is like a warm and toasty egg nog holiday drink.... Garnish with nutmeg.
But at least you don't have all those neighbors you had in Texas!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the 2% milk. Yuck!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so weird how and what stores are out of. I go to one store....stripped. But yet i go to a supermarket across the street and they have everything stocked!!!!
Have to get food for home...since we are back in partial lockdown again. Restaurants are all take out only again. And the virus seems to be getting far worse. I now know of people that have it...and have sadly lost two friends to it.
So stay in I say. I go food shopping and to my mother's and thats it. And I loved the fog picture. We have been having tons of foggy days here of late.
Oh man ... you sound as if you are as much of a clutze as me! LOL! Lord, please be careful! The coyotes sound a bit too creepy for my comfort, but I suppose one could get used to it?
ReplyDeleteAnd I can surely relate to stepping in kitty cutz, hairballs and the like. Such fun ... they are so lucky we love them so much lol
They are calling for snow in my area of PA tomorrow ... should make for a rather interesting Christmas Day. Take care!
Even though you wrote this post feeling down, your choice of wording is so descriptive, Jon, as I could almost hear those coyotes and owls in the night. Glad the laptop survived the tea spill and egg nog is a favorite here. Thank goodness it’s gone from store shelves so no stockpiling in our fridge, which has 2 containers now. As for blogging fatigue, some days I feel like giving it up as well, but then realize that even though its not face-to-contact, it still is a form of human contact and I need that and suspect you do as well. We are friends in blog land.
ReplyDelete