Ample gunfire tonight at the midnight hour. Hunters? Who knows. I'm assuming. Some of the shots are echoing in the nearby hills. Other shots are closer, in the forest.
No cause for alarm. It's hunting season. I just hope they're sober and have good aim.
Question- - what are they hunting at midnight?
Another question - - how am I doing?
I could politely fabricate my answer and say my days (and nights) are challenging. Or I could tell the unnerving truth and say my days are agonizingly unpleasant.
I'm at the confusing point where my muddled mind can't tell whether I'm improving or regressing. I drag myself around the house with the aide of my walker, trying to do as much (work) as possible. My muscles (or what's left of them) ache continuously. I tire very easily and often stop to rest. I can't stand up straight. I amble like a poor imitation of Quasimodo.
Is this normal after enduring six months in the hospital and rehab?
Strangely enough, I'm able to force myself to do nearly-impossible things. Yesterday I moved a large, heavy bookcase to retrieve something that fell behind it (I won't go into details). I can now change my clothes and change the bandages on my radiation wounds (something I couldn't do two weeks ago).
My new mattress is higher than the old one, which allows me to get out of bed more easily.
I'm now being plied with meds due to the edema and heart failure (as if I didn't have enough problems). I stopped taking the blood pressure pills because I don't have high blood pressure. It's usually normal or below. The diuretic meds don't agree with me. They merely increase my misery.
I go through alarming bouts of intense depression and frustration. I want to do all the physical things I used to do, but it's impossible.
And I'm still devastated over the death of my cat Bosco. He was the only joy left in my life and (truthfully) the only reason I wanted to come home. Now I have nothing. Nothing.
As usual, I've said too much. I'm being a downer during the holiday season. I couldn't care less about the holidays.
Snow flurries are predicted for this afternoon. I doubt it. The daytime temperature will be in the 40s (Fahrenheit). Not cold enough for snow.
It's been very damp and foggy every morning.
Too mild for a white Christmas.
If I wasn't physically incapacitated I'd get up and do a snow dance.
Jon
P.S. I appreciated all your kind comments about Bosco on my previous post - - I just wasn't in the mood to reply.
Deer hunting has to be done between sunrise and sunset. Maybe coon-hunting? I someone would loan you a cat that they would get back if you found you weren't able to take care of it. You'd at least have someone to talk to.
ReplyDeleteSometimes there is shooting at night to scare off the coyotes. I heard that it's illegal to kill them.
DeleteI eventually want to adopt another cat - when I'm certain I can take good care of him/her.
You are not really alone. He is as close as the mention of His name.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about that. I still feel the presence of my other deceased cats, too (Kitzee and Scruffy)
Delete😂 I meant Jesus.
DeleteDespite your gloom, you do sound more capable than you were. Maybe you're comparing it to being completely well, though, and yes, there's a difference. You're bound to be low after losing Bosco. Longer daylight soon.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely frustrated because I'm not completely well. It's difficult for me to make new, radical adjustments.
DeleteYes, winter officially arrives in a few days and longer daylight will eventually immerge!
Jon, when you are living it it is hard to see the progress, but we can. I would say your feelings of frustration and depression are understandable, because you see yourself as you were. And Bosco died. I am glad you write about this.
ReplyDeleteI have endured so many difficult things that it's often difficult for me to see my progress. When I first went to rehab I couldn't even sit up in bed. Now I can get around. I should be greatful for what I have.
DeleteThanks, Sandra.
I know your days are filled with so many challenges, but you are in the comfort of your own home and are not subject to annoying room-mates. It will get better Jon, it will take time, six months of sickness was a long time, you will get stronger. I'm so sorry that you have lost Bosco, he meant so much to you.
ReplyDeleteCoyote hunting is legal all year round in Tennessee, because they have become such a nuisance taking down livestock, and no limit either.
Stay the course, Onwards and Upwards, dear friend.
Jo
I had no idea coyote hunting was now legal in TN. There are a lot of them around here at night. I don't mind them, but I'm sure they're a huge nuisance for people who livestock and other animals.
DeleteI should be greatful for the progress I've made. I'm just hopelessly impatient.
Onward and upward indeed!
Thanks, Jo.
Yes, it is frustrating to only be able to judge improvement by looking back weeks or months...but you have made vast improvements. Knowing where you were a short time ago...you are doing fantastic. Surviving is hard work. You even have a goal...to be able and well enough to get another cat. Cats are the best, aren't they? You will fall in love with a new one with its own personality...she says wondering if Allie has retreated to the darkened bedroom for the day--lol!
ReplyDeleteI am still not back to where I had been before the cancer two years ago. It took me a long time to realize I would never be back to before fibro twenty years ago. I may not get back to where I was two years ago...but, like you, I wanted my independence back more than ever. You have made it home with some help...and eventually you could be free of needing that help even...and have a cat again...and be able to function completely on your own out there in the woods...with deliveries--lol! Thank goodness for (sometimes poor) grocery and package delivery. Life is most likely not going to be the same as it was before. But when is it ever, really. Shit happens. But you've made it back home and are getting stronger...and have a furnace this winter. Considering where you were...this is a Christmas miracle. :)
Considering all that we've both been through, we have made incredible progress. You're right - - things will never be the same as we once were, but we can
Deletegain hope and sustain ourselves with new goals and with keeping busy with new projects. You and I are both creative....and resilient.
Hopefully, I'll get a new feline friend. Life is empty without a cat *smile*
Hugs to you and Allie.
I think everyone pretty much summed it up. 'Recovery' is not an overnight thing. I worked ICU and rehab and can validate that. I think, considering what you've gone through, you've done remarkably well. Be patient with yourself and I know how frustrating and overwhelming that can be. We always want healed yesterday. Certainly been there myself. I get it. A cat will bring a needed presence in your house. Take care and keep on pushing.
ReplyDeleteParanormal John
My frustration and impatience always overshadows my remarkable progress. I should be counting my blessings. This blog helps me vent my feelings - - and all the encouragement really helps. An eventual new feline friend will also help.
DeleteI will keep on pushing.
Thanks, John!
I have always had a bad habit of yearning for the way things used to, and I tend to be impatient. I really should be counting the blessings. At least we are able to navigate with walkers and wheelchairs. Fortunately my house is small, which makes a walker very convenient. Your concern and encouragement is always helpful.
ReplyDeleteIf Tennessee gets any snow, I'll send it to Calif.
Thanks, Jackie.
Gosh, what can I say that others have (better) expressed. I truly appreciate your keeping us updated; and without air-brushing the truth. I don't know that I'd be as strong -- both mentally and physically. Please don't discount the thought of adopting another fur baby; I do believe they are angels with paws. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteBlogging is a positive way to purge my feelings. Sometimes I probably say too much, but that's my nature. I suppose I am strong.... I've been through a heckuva lot of unpleasant things in my sordid life.
DeleteHopefully another feline friend will be in my future.
Many thanks for appreciating my updates, Myra. Hugs.
Jon, Just found about the death of your beloved Bosco. Oh Jon, my heart is broken for you. Have you considered rescuing another cat? Pets are the best medicine. I feel for you with your physical ailments. Mine aren't as serious as yours but I too am hobbling around here at Casa Tipton-Kelly. I just hope I can last long enough to continue to take care of Bil. By the way, are you receiving mail yet? And I see I still can't leave a comment with my name. It's me Jon, Ron from Retired in Delaware.
ReplyDeleteRon
Hi , Ron - - it's always good to hear from you. I'm glad you had the surprise visit from Pat. It was a much-needed break from your daily routine.
DeleteI will definitely consider another cat, but it's difficult now that I'm using a walker and wheelchair. I can never go out. I'm asking around to see if anybody has an unwanted cat.
Unfortunately I'm not yet able to get my mail, so I don't want anyone to send cards. Hope I can straighten that problem in the future.
Take care - hugs.
Dear Jon, Your health-progress assessment is somewhat similar to my own and furnishes a good reminder of the sort of strength and fortitude I should try to emulate. Still use a cane but haven't unfolded my walker for a month. Slow progress. Have confined adventures between the back door and pumphouse. Saw a handsome blond dog out there today. He was wearing a t-shirt and I doubt he put it on by himself, so he's not a stray. Tried to speak to him but he just looked embarrassed and trotted off. Been posting on "Trainrides" as my brain improves and memories return --little things: they add up. Take care Jon.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to hear from you and know that you're making progress. I still need a walker and wheelchair - - but hopefully I'll someday progress to a cane.
DeleteI'm glad you're able to have some outdoor adventures, even if it's only to the pumphouse.
I haven't seen any dogs in t-shirts, but there are lots of coyotes at night.
Take care - - and holiday blessings to you and Norma.
I should be counting my blessings instead of being frustrated - - but it's difficult adjusting to my limitations. I try to work around the house and get excercise, but I tire easily and my muscles ache.
ReplyDeleteMy blood pressure is usually normal or below (without meds). The swelling in my legs has lessened. The home health care nurses come about three times a week, which is good.
Thanks for your continued concern and have a peaceful and joyful Christmas.
My journey has been challenging and strange. Before I was hospitalized, I was so extremely sick that I sensed that it was affecting my mental state. Many times I was blogging odd and alarming things.
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm thinking much more clearly. I truly believe that I would never have progressed this far without the support of all my blogger friends. Their genuine concern was astonishing.
Thank you, Dorothy for your kindness and support. Big hugs and a blessed Christmas!
As much as you probably don’t want to hear it, you may benefit from getting another cat (kitten). My family has never been “cat people” so have never had cats. I have a grandson in college who suffers from depression and anxiety. He came into possession of a kitten thru an unplanned occurrence. The difference it has made in his mental state has been astounding. His mother (not a cat person) said if she had known this she would have gotten him a cat years ago. Oh, and I know you don’t own cats…they own you. So I hear.
ReplyDeleteCarolyn Green
Still can’t post except anonymously.
I definitely want to get another feline friend. I used to have three cats, but they're now all deceased. It's very lonely without them. Most cats can be very loving if given enough care and attention.
DeleteThanks for your comment, Carolyn