FUN WITH UCHRA

I'm wondering how many people fled from my blog after they read my previous post Midnight Confessions.

Congratulations to those who dared to stay. You have good taste and an admirable knack for appreciating unique people.

I never claimed to be a saint. And I never wanted to be one. Being an unconventional misfit is part of my charm.

So what about UCHRA?

Upper Cumberland Human Resource Agency. My public transit resource.

As I mentioned in my previous post - - I was dreading the first day of October, because I had to be in Cookeville at 8:00 a.m. for some very important medical tests.

I was extremely apprehensive. First of all, I am not a morning person. I'm not mentally awake until noon and I don't fully function until after dark.

Second of all, anything concerning doctors and medical tests literally terrify me - - especially since I've been battling serious health issues.

And third, I'm an intensely chronic worrier with high anxiety and an inflicted sense of impending doom.

I'm the type person who can have an anxiety attack in the library.

Anyway, I went to bed early and got up at 3:00 a.m. to make sure I'd be ready on time. UCHRA Transport was scheduled to pick me up between 6:15 and 6:45

It doesn't get light out until nearly 7:00 a.m.

My usual routine when waiting for transport is to drag my wheelchair down the eight front porch steps (NOT an easy task) and sit in the "yard" until transport arrives.

Let me remind you that I'm in a rural area in the middle of nowhere. The nights here are pitch black, darker than Satan's soul. My property is often populated (after dark) with coyotes, wild hogs, wild dogs, and snakes.

So, I leave the porch light on and drag the wheelchair down the steps that are wet and slippery with dampness.

The porch light is dim and no help at all. I'm sitting in the wheelchair, listening to the owls, hearing unknown creatures rustling through the woods, and watching the fog roll in.

If wild animals discover me, I won't have a chance.

The transit vehicle finally arrives just before dawn.

Here's where the fun begins.

The female driver is new. She's nice, but has no clue where Cookeville is. I am not good with directions. She decides to take an unknown route that might get us there. I'm PRAYING that we get there on time.

We're off!

Full speed ahead! The woman is a cowgirl. All the roads here are very narrow and extremely winding. It's a roller coaster through the hills. She's racing at 65 mph in 30 mph zones, screeching around dangerous curves. The roads are slippery and mountain fog is obscuring the view.

I was clinging to my wheelchair to keep it from tipping over. I don't scare easily, but I honest to God thought we'd plunge over a cliff.

To make matters worse, she had the radio BLASTING with hillbilly music. I like hillbilly music, but this was absolute crap hillybilly music. It would have been banned in Nashville.

Want more? She kept drinking from an anonymous container. Moonshine, maybe? Hell, I should have asked her for a swig.

Okay, my sense of direction isn't good, but I noticed that we were heading south. Cookeville is in the opposite direction. We were heading for Arkansas.

HOLY SHEEET!!!!

After driving the wrong way for thirty miles I was nearly catatonic. She finally pulled over and called company headquarters and got some road advice.

We got on another highway and were finally heading in the direction of Cookeville.

Miracle of miracles, we arrived at the Medical Center almost on time!

I got through all my tests in about two and a half hours.

I was fervently praying that the cowgirl wouldn't drive me home.

Thank God, I had a different UCHRA driver for the home trip - - an elderly gentleman who actually knew where he was going.

I finally relaxed, enjoying the beautiful rustic scenery. The day was overcast with light showers and occasional mists. Magical. The first day of my favorite month.

My next dreaded doctor appointment is next week.

Stay tuned.

Jon

I had to correct numerous errors. Sorry.