THE LION ROARS

The first day of March was a balmy 80 degrees and gentle as a lamb. 

Two days later - Friday the 3rd - a restless lion appeared out of nowhere and roared like the devil.

My area of rural Tennessee was pummeled by the wrath of nature. A high wind warning was in effect all day (70 M.P.H. "gusts") and a severe storm warning, accompanied with a tornado watch. There were four power outages - - fairly brief in duration but annoying, nevertheless.

The day was foul, furious, and dangerous. The raging wind toppled several nearby forest trees. This perpetuated my foremost fear. The fragile shack that I live in is surrounded by tall trees. If any of them fell on my "house", it would be completely pulverized and I........would be toast.

The wind warning was supposed to subside by sunset, but raged on for several more hours. I couldn't breath a feeble sigh of relief until things calmed down by midnight.

My energy was completely sapped. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. unfortunately, the insolent indoor mice and strange animals scurrying on the roof kept waking me up all night.

This rural life in squalor has completely destroyed me. I'm still plagued by multitudinous problems, but have decided not to detail them in my blog posts. What's the use? My blog readership has dwindled from approximately 800 "views" a day to a recent 95 views a day.

Well;, at least a few kind souls still visit my blog to see if I'm still alive.

I keep trying to convince myself that I'm still kicking.

My previous post - all about tea - was probably boring, but at least it wasn't tainted with my complaints.

Anyway, thanks for being here. I'll try to make my future posts complaint-free (not an easy endeavor.....)

                            Jon

The storm clouds, finally subsiding near dusk

 

THE AGONY CONTINUES

This is a possible, or perhaps probable, continuation of my previous post.

I was so intensely overjoyed when I finally got connected to the Internet again, that I almost did an interpretative Dance of Elation - but it would have destroyed my bad back and probably put me in traction.

Good thing I didn't dance. My joy was short-lived. 

My Internet connection lasted less than 24 hours.

I was doing work on my laptop, in bed, late at night, during a horrendous thunderstorm. An urgent weather alert warned me that the storm was severe and I should seek shelter immediately.

Shelter? Where? Under the bed? In the neighboring forest?

The deafening thunder encouraged my cat Bosco to take shelter under the bed covers.
I watched the lightning from the bedroom window in awestruck amazement.

Then it happened:

A massive lightning bolt zapped down with atomic power and struck the front of my property. It hit with the force of a bomb and seemed to be streaked with fire, like the hand of God.

The most incredibly amazing part of this incident is that the EXACT thing happened nearly two years ago, in July, 2020. A lightning bolt struck my property almost in the same place!! (I wrote a blog post about it, which lurks somewhere in the archives).

Needless to say, there was a power outage - and my computer and landline phone were dead.

I think it happened on Thursday night. Friday was a useless day, because I knew I'd have to wait through the weekend before anyone from my Internet customer service brigade could come out and survey the problem.

I called today (via cell phone). The service guy came surprisingly fast and restored my computer and landline phone.

With the luxury of having Internet access again, I immediately got online and paid all my monthly bills.
Who knows when the next storm will blow in with another Biblical lightning bolt?

I just realized that I haven't recently been posting any photos on my blog.
Well, hell, I'm interesting even without photos
(he says with a wry smile)

Here are some breathtakingly amazing photos of my bedroom window - from which I saw the lightning bolt.
I always love looking out the window from my bed - even at night. Even during storms.

 

 

A view from my bed.

I now have blinds on the windows, but seldom use them.

NOTE:

I'm still having enormous problems with Blogger. I am generally forced to comment anonymously on some blogs - - and on other blogs I'm unable to comment at all. Apologies to Myra and Kim - - I can no longer leave comments on your blogs. The comment "icon" doesn't work!!

THE SUN AIN'T SHININ' TODAY

Caution: a few delicate souls might take offense at some of my words. 

Let me be blunt (as if I never was.....) -
Living alone in the wilderness isn't exactly as wonderful as I make it sound. Don't be duped by my photos of the beautiful forest and the adorable 'possums eating bread. That's the Disney version. The reality version is a cross between Tobacco Road and Deliverance.

I won't mention the minor annoyances - like having to drive 500 miles (slight exaggeration) on a perilous road to get to town, or having to trek 10 miles (very slight exaggeration) to get to my damn mailbox....

.......or the fact that there's no trash pickup and no radio reception. I won't mention the wild animals that are nesting under the house and scrambling on the roof - - or the mice in the walls....

.....or the intense dampness that renders everything into a soggy mush, or the millions of summer insects that descend like the plagues of Egypt - or the coyotes that surround the house and practice their death howls at 3:00 am.....

....or the relentless rain that pours incessantly with an enthusiasm of Biblical proportions.
So, how wet is it in Tennessee?
It's wetter than Chris Christie's armpits. 
It's wetter than the Sport's Illustrated Swimsuit issue.

Don't groan. I never claimed to be a comedian.

When I lived in West Texas it was the wind. I had to plan my entire agenda around windstorms. I only ventured out on days when the wind was under 65 MPH.

Here in Daniel Boone country, it's the rain. My entire life revolves around rainstorms and the minuscule hope that a ray of sunshine might appear.

I had planned on going to town today. Naturally, severe storms were predicted. I hoped against hope that the forecast would be wrong.

I got dressed at dawn - with the insane assumption that if I went early I'd beat the bad weather. I piled big bags of trash in the car (to take to the dump).

Then I turned on the radio to hear the weather. I can only get two stations out here in the boonies, and one is from Kentucky. The Kentucky announcer (who has an annoyingly whiny voice and sounds like he's twelve years old) read the obituaries for 40 long minutes.

What the hell is the deal with all the deaths in Hillbillyland? There are more friggin' stiffs here than in Bangladesh.

I was finally able to zero in on the local station. We were under a Severe Storm Warning......and a Tornado Watch. 

That put the kibosh on my trip to town. I have to be heavily sedated when I drive to town on a sunny day. There's no way in hell I'm going in a hurricane.

I need supplies desperately, but it'll have to wait. I'm out of milk, bread, eggs, cat litter, and toilet paper.
Warning:
Ladies  and all sensitive people, please hold your ears.

I can't live without toilet paper.
Did you ever try to wipe your  ***  with a paper towel? 

Also -
my cell phone isn't working (again) - just when I might need it.

Even though it was starting to rain, I decided to drive to the mailbox - because every time it rains the contents get soaked.

When I got to the box, it was wide open. An envelope that I put in there five days ago (to be picked up by the mail carrier) was still there - completely drenched. It contained a very important check that was due yesterday.

As I drove back to the house I was uttering curse words that would make Madonna blush.

I know, this post is getting damn long - but I'm on a roll. A lousy roll - - but a roll nevertheless.

Let me explain that the weeds on my property are now the size of trees. I was a jackass to assume that the cold weather would kill them.

While I'm plowing through the weed trees, wishing I had a tractor (or a bulldozer) I suddenly got stuck in the mud. The wheels spin, the engine stalls, and the torrential downpour is accompanied by fierce, screaming winds and sharp lightning.

My house is uphill and I'm still very far from it. I get out and sink to my knees in mud. In seconds, I'm completely soaked.

Just to enhance the extent of my misery, I'll mention that I still have excruciating back pain from some spinal fractures that never properly healed.

I try to scrape some of the caked mud off the tires. I crawl back into the car and attempt to get the engine started - as it makes extremely alarming noises. I crawl back out to open the hood of the car, and in the process somehow manage to slam my right index finger in the car door.

And I'm thinking:
If there is a God, he probably fell off his throne laughing at me.

I'll never know how I finally managed to get the car back to the house, but it took a helluva long time and superhuman effort.

After I limped to the house, I literally had to peel my drenched, mud-covered clothes off on the back porch. When I opened the door to go in, the three cats gleefully darted out.

Picture this:
I'm stalking through a maze of tree-sized weeds, in a tumultuous downpour, wearing nothing but my skimpy Fruit of the Looms and a  mismatched pair of socks - - covered in mud and dripping wet, limping from my broken back, with a bloody and swollen index finger - while trying to round up three wayward cats.

Scratch and Bosco went back inside quickly. Scruffy - as usual - got under the back porch and I had to crawl in the mud to remove one of the panels so she could get out.

These were some of the highlights of my day.
It's presently near dusk and still extremely windy.
I'm gonna have a beer and go to bed.

If you happen to be flying by, drop me a few rolls of toilet paper.....and a couple bottles of Jim Beam.
 

ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

The meadow adjacent to my property is only visible in the winter when the trees are bare. Today I was able to get a glimpse of it. The trees are shedding their leaves quickly. There's very little autumnal color this year. Leaves are simply dying and dropping, eager to let go. Strangely, I know the feeling.

It was windy today, which is a rarity here. A fresh, clean, intoxicating wind that rippled through the treetops and encouraged the moribund leaves to sing.

So different in contrast to the savage, dusty, eternal winds of West Texas. I loved the wild unpredictability of them, but hated the havoc that they wrought. 

Yesterday, October 12th, marked a year since I've been here. My first year in Tennessee. It doesn't seem that long. The time literally flew. It took me over three days to drive here from Texas (after I bragged that it would take only one day). I took my time. After all the hell I had been through in Texas I savored finally being alone and free on the open road with no ties and no worries.

Just me. And the three cats. Yes, I had my three cats - in two large cages. Scratch in one, Scruffy & Bosco in the other.

It was a perfect journey. Well, all except for that rainy night in Arkansas when I went over the cliff........If you don't remember that fiasco, you can read my blog post about it. Here's the link:
 Over the Edge in Arkansas

Speaking of rainy nights, there was one helluva storm here last night. Torrential rain, plenty of donner und blitzen. The lights kept blinking on and off and the power went out a few times.

Speaking of going out (don't you love how I manage to tie all of these things together?), I happened to open the back door and my cat Scratch ran out into the storm. She loves escaping from the house but didn't realize how hostile the weather was. 
As I finally dragged her back in, sopping wet, my other cat Scruffy ran out.

There are exasperating occasions when I'd like to let all three cats out and never invite them back in again......

Today was gorgeous. The warm, golden sunshine and sweet whispering wind resurrected a wealth of October memories.

 View from the back porch this afternoon

I was supposed to go into town today. I had numerous things to do - including an important visit to City Hall. 

Just before I was going to leave, I heard the local news. City Hall was closed because of a freak accident. The police were on a wild chase with a car. The driver of the car made a quick wrong turn and crashed into City Hall. Went straight through the front door! Damage wasn't extensive but it was bad enough to close the building.

Lots of excitement in a sleepy little hillbilly town.

 Back yard this afternoon