My New Year Resolutions for 2015
(in no particular order)
Get more RAM.
Quit being envious of those annoying people who have 850,000 "followers" on Blogger.
Expunge Windows 8.1
Memorize my fifty different passwords
Reveal my real age - - which will finally put an end to those nasty rumors that I was at the battle of Las Guasimas with Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders.
Enter rehab for eBay addiction.
Turn my cell phone on for at least ten minutes a day.
Learn to clog.
Say something nice about Obama.
OUCH!! That one hurts like a circumcision without anesthesia.
Shave my mustache.
Naw. Then I'll look too young. It will startle and confuse everybody.
Enter rehab for Downton Abbey addiction.
Stay sober at least three days a month.
Yes, but WHICH three days?
Update my Pinterest account (which I haven't visited in years)
Stop breaking abruptly for tailgaters.
Be tolerant of children.
Yea, right. When they start selling pork chops in Jeddah. Who do you think I am, Mary Poppins?
Sanitize my vocabulary.
Less sweets, more fiber.
Remove those stupid Interview links on my blog sidebar. (keep scrolling - - you'll find them)
Never drink King Cobra malt liquor with Tequila chasers on an empty stomach.
Have my ass tattooed with the motto semper fidelis.
Leave BEFORE dawn, so I don't actually see who I was in bed with the night before.
Stop going to McDonalds when I'm in the mood for fine cuisine.
Stop adopting stray cats.
Stop adopting stray cowboys.
Whoops! That one got in by mistake. For a moment I thought I was still living in Texas.
And I was only joking.
Or was I?
Don't give up reading my blog. I'm still going to write about the adventures I had while driving from Texas to Tennessee.
By the way, my furniture is expected to FINALLY be delivered on Tuesday 6th. Will I ever actually sleep in a real bed again??
Okay, I'll admit it:
they're not quite as funny as I initially thought