REFLECTIONS

 

I never make New Year resolutions. It's a well-intended gesture that is basically useless, futile, and seldom realized.

For me, New Year's Eve has always been a time for sober reflection and serious introspection. As past years pile up behind me and future years begin to look comparatively sparse, my reflections are becoming more grim.
That's the pessimism in me - which often has a rein on my emotions.

Optimists assure us that we have control of our lives and destiny and can do anything that we set our minds to.

The realist in me knows that, to a very large extent, this isn't true. No matter how lofty our goals may be, our plans can be easily be thwarted by the unexpected. Life is a maze filled with detours, obstacles, dead ends, bogus routes, and passages to nowhere. It's impossible to securely pave a seamless road to our intended destination.

This past decade was the worst time of my entire life. I was plagued by one major disaster after another, which - without going into painful details -  eventually rendered me into what I am today: a hermit existing in near-poverty in the Tennessee wilderness.

As if that wasn't enough, I have been inundated with health issues and physical ailments that I've never mentioned to anyone - not even my relatives or closest friends.

In essence, I've become a shadow of my former self and it isn't easy to deal with. 

I suppose the deepest psychological wounds I presently bear are those inflicted by my losses:
I lost relatives, friends, and lovers through death. I lost all of my financial savings when I lived in Texas. When I came to Tennessee the movers lost all of my most cherished possessions.

The mirror keeps reminding me that my youth and good looks have vanished.

I know I'm not alone with my grievances. Life is indiscriminately cruel and we are all plagued with subtractions of one kind or another.

I have no list of New Year resolutions, but at the threshold of 2019  my reflections have yielded one simple, redeeming thought:

The past cannot be changed, no matter how much we grieve. The future is eternally unpredictable.

The only tangible gift we have is the present.

Instead of wallowing in the mire of bitterness and regret, it is far more productive to focus on the things we have now - no matter how sparse or humble they may be.

Within the shroud of shadow there is always a hopeful ray of light.

RESOLUTIONLESS

 Me in Texas, holding some leftover balloons from a New Year's Eve party.

New Year resolutions are well intended but highly unrealistic. I doubt if many people keep them. I usually break them within a few hours. Or minutes ("I'll never curse again").

This year my objectives are few:
Stay alive
and maintain what's left of my sanity. 
I suppose I could throw in:
more organization
and less procrastination.

And, while I'm at it:

Put the Robert E. Lee statue back on my front lawn.

Wear my "I Love Milo" t shirt to the next Antifa rally.
(you'll have fun Googling that)

Okay, okay - - I'm referring to Milo Yiannopoulos.
 
I'd better stop now before I suddenly have a resolution list. 

To be brutally honest, this is the first time that I'm dreading the prospect of a new year and seriously wondering if I'll be able to summon the motivation to successfully navigate through it.

It's no secret that I've been deeply depressed for a long time - over some very real issues that are disturbingly pressing. If I ever revealed the problems that I'm presently burdened with, even my detractors would have sympathy.

And I'll readily admit that my problems have quadrupled (at least) since I moved to this friggin place in the wilderness. Rural life ain't for sissies.

But no need to panic. It's not the first time I've been plagued with problems. Life is a bitch that kicks us in the ass when we least expect it - and then kicks us again when we're down. 

The only thing that really frightens me is in recent years I've become very bitter and emotionally bankrupt. I seem to have misplaced my heart and soul.

Enough said. 

On the bright side: 
I've actually been selling things in my online store (many thanks to some bloggers). I think I've sold about thirty items so far  - which is astonishing, since my initial expectations were low.

On the gloomy side:
Scruffy and Bosco have the "sniffles" again. I'm surprised that the cats don't have pneumonia from living in this damp, frigid house.

Scruffy sneezed so enthusiastically the other night that she knocked a brass antique  scale off a shelf and broke it. I couldn't believe it! Her powerful sneezes caused her to lurch forward and the scale went into orbit!

The scale belonged to my parents and I remember it when I was a kid in California. Well - on the bright side, it's one less thing I'll have to dust.

I'll supplement this heartwarming story with some exciting photos:

Busted! Half of the top broke off.

 An old California photo of my Mom having breakfast. The antique scale is on the hutch directly behind her, right above the coffee cup she's holding (this is a faded Polaroid and the colors are rather distorted).

I have no plans for New Year's Eve, except to keep warm. The temperature is supposed to drop to near zero tonight. Fortunately I have plenty of food and supplies for the upcoming frigid week.

I'll undoubtedly write another post late tonight (it's presently about 2:30 a.m. on the last day of the year).

I hope your New Year's Eve will be warm and wonderful!

RESOLUTIONS 2015

 

My New Year Resolutions for 2015
(in no particular order)


Get more RAM.

Quit being envious of those annoying people who have 850,000 "followers" on Blogger.

Expunge Windows 8.1

Memorize my fifty different passwords

Reveal my real age - - which will finally put an end to those nasty rumors that I was at the battle of Las Guasimas with Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders.

Enter rehab for eBay addiction.

Turn my cell phone on for at least ten minutes a day.

New boots.

Learn to clog.

Say something nice about Obama.
OUCH!! That one hurts like a circumcision without anesthesia.

Shave my mustache.
Naw. Then I'll look too young. It will startle and confuse everybody.

Enter rehab for Downton Abbey addiction.

Stay sober at least three days a month.
Yes, but WHICH three days?

Update my Pinterest account (which I haven't visited in years)

Stop breaking abruptly for tailgaters.

Be tolerant of children.
Yea, right. When they start selling pork chops in Jeddah. Who do you think I am, Mary Poppins?

Sanitize my vocabulary.

Less sweets, more fiber.

Floss

Remove those stupid Interview links on my blog sidebar. (keep scrolling - -  you'll find them)

Never drink King Cobra malt liquor with Tequila chasers on an empty stomach.

Have my ass tattooed with the motto semper fidelis.

Leave BEFORE dawn, so I don't actually see who I was in bed with the night before.

Stop going to McDonalds when I'm in the mood for fine cuisine.

Stop adopting stray cats.

Stop adopting stray cowboys.
Whoops! That one got in by mistake. For a moment I thought I was still living in Texas.
And I was only joking.
Or was I?


Don't give up reading my blog. I'm still going to write about the adventures I had while driving from Texas to Tennessee.

By the way, my furniture is expected to FINALLY be delivered on Tuesday 6th. Will I ever actually sleep in a real bed again??



Okay, I'll admit it:
they're not quite as funny as I initially thought