It's the day after Thanksgiving.
I just realized that I've been living in this abode in the wilderness for four years now. I moved in on Thanksgiving Day in 2014.
I moved to Tennessee in October, 2014 and stayed with my cousin until I found a suitable place to buy.
The price was right and it was located far away from annoying humanity, so it was suitable.
All of my possessions were in storage in Texas. After I moved in to the aforementioned abode, the movers informed me that - because of the upcoming holidays - they wouldn't be able to deliver my stuff until mid-January, at the earliest.
So, for over two months I lived in a completely empty house - no furniture, no clothing except for what I brought in a suitcase. I had a folding metal chair and a tiny table. I slept on an incredibly scuzzy, ancient reclining chair that the previous owners had left behind.
When the movers finally hauled my possessions to Tennessee in late January, 2015, I was horrified to discover that they "lost" an enormous amount of my things (for which I have never been reimbursed) - including furniture, antique books, art, rugs, kitchen items, lamps, and a large chest containing tools.
They also "lost" all of my diaries and journals - which I had meticulously kept for 40 years (since I was 10)
AND all of my mother's vast collection of piano music. The journals and music were my most treasured possessions and meant more to me than life itself - without them my soul has died.
Fortunately they didn't "lose" my two pianos, but I haven't touched the pianos since I moved here. I no longer give a shit. The piano - and my former life as a musician - is now gone.
It wasn't my initial purpose to write a depressing post, but I'm simply remembering all these things.....
with extreme bitterness.
My simple Thanksgiving meal yesterday (roasted chicken) turned out to be fantastic! I didn't put any effort into it and wasn't expecting much, but it was absolutely delicious. And I had enough left over to eat again today.
I just finished having a cup of cappuccino and a piece of cake.
Yesterday was gorgeous with golden sunshine. Today is very dark, dreary, and misty. The photo at the top of this post is of the sun this morning - valiantly making an effort to appear - but it was soon shrouded in mists and finally extinguished by clouds.
Did anyone see the full moon last night?
It was brilliantly bright and so impressive that I went out at 2:00 a.m. to gaze at it for a long time - until a band of nearby coyotes finally encouraged me to go back inside.
Is anyone thoroughly tired of hearing about Black Friday? The media is completely obsessed with it.
Black Friday is the most unappealing advertising ploy that I can ever remember. For me, it conjures up images of plagues, doom, depression, and despair......
.....which is a very apt description of the Christmas shopping season.
I have never been shopping on Black Friday. I can not stand the pushing, shoving and teeming masses of humanity.
ReplyDeleteI hate shopping even on "normal", non-holidays. I try to avoid it at all costs during the Christmas season.
DeleteI always avoided Black Friday and only wish I could have avoided all the other media-hype occasions. However, I am now able to avoid anything noisy and thank goodness for peace and quite. I am glad you enjoyed your meal.
ReplyDeleteI try to avoid anything that is hyped and condoned by the media. The Christmas shopping season is a perfect time to stay home and savor the blessed peace and silence.
Deletesounds like your dinner was delicious for the holiday. and though you have a few regrets from your move there, there is still alot of good to be found. the moon is always intoxicating to see to be sure.
ReplyDeleteI've had a lot of problems and inconveniences since I moved here but - at this point in my life - I think I'd rather be here than anywhere else.
DeleteHow heartbreaking to lose the diaries and the music. The diaries are irreplaceable, not all of the music is. Would your mom be happy to see you playing the piano, do you think?
ReplyDeleteMy Mom would be happy to see me still playing the piano. She'd consider my long hiatus a waste of talent. Many of her piano manuscripts were rare first-editions. There was also a vast collection of piano sheet music (over 200 pieces), some of which belonged to my grandmother. They had a lot of sentimental value.
DeleteI don't even want to think about my diaries....
Ah Jon, this loss hurts my heart all over again. Perhaps, as that splendid song lyric tells us, "There will come an answer; let it be." Has it honestly been 4 years? I well remember the journey … and that horrific tumble your car took. Given more time, I hope you come to love your new land.
ReplyDeleteLOL! You're probably one of the few people who still remembers when I drove over the cliff in Arkansas (it could only happen to me.....)
DeleteI honestly do love the blissful peace and privacy here in the wilderness. I suppose I have much to be thankful for - but I still have lots of bitter memories and regrets
(I especially regret trusting the people at the Hart Moving Company in Lubbock, TX....)
I didn't have as many years as you with diaries, but had a suitcase full from when I was nine that an ex-boyfriend got a hold of (nasty roommate gave them to him) when I was about 20. It had things about other guys in it, of course--he flipped out and made a big bonfire in his driveway. They were my heart and soul at the time. I was devastated! Didn't journal again for years--and then when I did I destroyed them myself every few years. This is the longest (Dec 2010) I have kept journals without trashing them. Way overdue. But I just might leave them a while longer. These are more boring, after all--LOL!
ReplyDeleteNot exactly sure why I have destroyed my journals ever since. Nobody's business, I guess. So much was lost anyways. I even destroy letters I get. Nobody has to worry somebody else will be reading them one day--so they can feel free to write whatever they want. I will be the only person who will hear whatever they want to say.
I do save the stories, though. Have hard copies of the ones from college and the few that have been published. Those and the rest that have popped up on the blog (cut and paste them over)--I keep on my other stories blog. When I went to college up here at 48 years old professors told me I was a writer and pushed me to enter my writing assignments to the contests at the school and submit them to literary magazines. When I actually won a couple contests and got a couple published--I decided I probably shouldn't destroy those. It changed how I felt about what I write. If that hadn't happened I probably would never have kept blogging and would have stuck with writing letters and destroying journals. LOL!
Who knows--you may decide to sit down and pluck those keys again one day. Play for the cats, coyotes, and possums. Play just for yourself. :) :)
I'm certainly glad that you didn't destroy your stories - especially since you won awards and were published. But it's really a shame that your first diaries were taken and destroyed by someone else!
DeleteI have always tried to save everything, mostly because I've always been extremely sentimental. Unfortunately, my father threw a lot of my things out over the years, or gave them to Goodwill.
I always wondered who might be reading my journals and diaries after I died.....but now I'm wondering who has been reading while I'm still alive.
I always kept long, detailed, meticulous journals and they were an invaluable source of memories.
My life in California was filled with excitement and adventures. I wrote about all the famous people I met, I listed all of my public piano concerts and recitals, and....I detailed my romantic relationships.
Now, I have nothing to rely on but my memory - which is seemingly getting more hazy every day.
Well, whoever has my diaries now is getting one helluva good read.....
I deeply regret not taking the journals and piano music in the car with me when I moved, but there was no room. I had a Toyota and was traveling with three cats in large cages.
I think once I finally force myself to play the piano again, I will enjoy it and eventually begin to love it again.
So will the cats and coyotes (*smile*).
Wow! Four years already? Time really DOES fly.
ReplyDeleteI was horrified to read that you haven't touched your pianos in the past four years. That's a crying shame, cowboy. Music wasn't just something you did... it's part of who you are. The fact that you occasionally post videos of you playing the piano tells me you DO still give a crap. Do yourself a kindness, and sit down at that piano... maybe as a birthday present to yourself. (Please?)
Time had really flown by since I first came here - I can hardly keep track of the years.
DeleteI actually horrify myself when I realize that I haven't touched a keyboard in four years. I've played the piano every day of my life since I was ten. Music was everything to me. When I see my old videos and hear my recordings, it's almost as though I'm listening to a different person. But it's also very reassuring to know what I have done in the past. And possibly what I could still do in the future....
In my heart I know you're right. I should start playing again as an upcoming birthday present to myself - - and possibly to the cats...
Thanks, Susan!