FORTY-FIVE

Forty-five questions that I extracted from the archives of Sunday Stealing


1. Where are you from?
I'm from the Land of Ur, comrade, and I've come to your country to help eradicate the leftists.

but seriously
I was born in New Jersey. My parents moved to Southern California when I was five and I had absolutely no regrets.

2. Is there something that you could never give up?
Yea, opium and LSD.
Don't panic. It was merely a jest.
I could never give up music or writing, or being a devout pessimist.

3. Who is your worst enemy?
Myself.

4. How much cash do you have on you?
Let's put it this way:
If somebody mugged me and saw how empty my wallet is, they'd die laughing.

5. Paul is the cute one
    John is the smart one
    George is the quiet one
    Ringo is the funny one.
    Which Beatle are you?
I'm cute, smart, quiet, and funny. It's an incredible combination.

6. What does your breakfast consist of?
I never eat breakfast and I very seldom eat lunch. Which probably explains why I'm a raving maniac by supper time.

7. What was your last big purchase?
I bought a 25 lb. sack of cat litter last week.
Actually, my last "big" purchase is the place that I'm living in, which I bought over four years ago.

8. Do you hate anyone?
"Hate" is a very strong word. I have intense loathing for many.

9. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was watching videos on YouTube, while drinking tea, eating a sandwich, and having sporadic anxiety attacks.

10. What was the last video you watched on YouTube?
I watched a documentary about the family (descendants) of the composer Richard Wagner. They were the most dysfunctional family I ever heard of. Next to mine.

11. What are your plans for this weekend?
Watching more videos, having more panic attacks, and keeping out of the rain.

12. Would you ever consider being a vegetarian?   
Yea. When all the cattle, hogs, and other edible animals are extinct.

13. What non-alcoholic beverage do you enjoy drinking the most?
I'm a tea addict. I love it hot or iced.
It's even better spiked with Southern Comfort.

14. What's your favorite search engine?
Are you kidding?
Bing.
And I don't mean Crosby.
Think about that for awhile. It will eventually get funny.

15. What's the worst experience you've ever had with alcohol?
What? Only ONE???
Baby, I've had hundreds. I could easily write a book.
I have (in the distant past) consistently woken up in bed with people who I never remember having seen before. 

16. What is bothering you right now?
Thinking about my sordid, hedonistic past.   

17. Have you ever dated a Goth?
No, but I've screwed a vampire.
Sorry, I couldn't resist. And it's true.

18. Can you sleep in total darkness?
Only when it's night.

19. What's the first thing you did when you opened your eyes today?
Gasped in horror. My cat Bosco was staring at me, only two inches away from my face. 

20. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed?
Come on over and we'll find out.
I presently sleep on a twin bed and it's hellishly uncomfortable. And my cat Bosco sleeps with me, which increases the hellishness.

21. Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone that you shouldn't have?
That question is too profound to contemplate.

22. Is there anyone you want to come see you?
No.

23. Is it easier for you to go without food or without sleep?
I almost never sleep, so if I didn't have it I wouldn't miss it.
I crave food.

24. Name one thing that you love about winter.
The fact that it only comes once a year. 

25. Has anyone told you that they never want to lose you?
No, but when I was a child my father frequently told me to get lost.  

26. Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?
Probably. But I'd eventually be captured in a net and taken to Bellevue.

27. Do you think someone might be thinking poorly about you? Why might that be?
People think poorly of me all the time. I have no clue why.

28. Can a man and a woman be friends without having feelings for each other?
Sure. I've despised a lot of women whom I was friends with.   
Ask a stupid question and you'll get a sarcastic answer.

29. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Yes, I have an extremely close female friend whom I've known since grade school.


30. At what time in your life were you happiest and why?
When I was young, wild, and extremely adventurous living in Southern California. Why not?

31. Tell us about an era of your life that you really miss.
When I was living in Hollywood and burning the proverbial candle at both ends.  

32. Have you ever made love while you were in the room with another couple?
After careful consideration I deleted my answer


33. When was the last time you kissed someone and really enjoyed it?
I never kiss anyone that I don't enjoy.

34. Would you (or do you) prefer a small, intimate wedding reception, or a big-scale one?
I don't like weddings, would never endorse one, and think wedding receptions are a huge waste of money and time.
Hell, they'll probably be divorced in two years.

35. What's your earliest memory of puberty?
I have two distinct memories of puberty, neither of which I'd want to share on a public blog.

36. What's one big mistake that you did in your life, and what did you do to make it right?
If I ever listed the big mistakes that I made in my life it would be so astonishingly (and excruciatingly) long that no one would believe it.
Mistakes aren't always easy to remedy.

37. Have you ever been betrayed by someone that came as a complete surprise? Without revealing the person, tell us about it.
I was betrayed by the SOB that I was living with in the Missouri Ozarks. Without going into painful details, I'll only say that we nearly killed each other.

38. Do you trust easily?
Not any more.

39. When was the last time you were in a very good mood? What caused it?
When I graduated from high school and was finally free!

40. When and where did you meet the love of your life?
When I was 24, on a windy November night, at a concert in Santa Ana.

41. What's the longest that you've committed to one person?
About an hour and a half.
Okay, about eight years, off and on, till death did us part....

42. What blog do you think isn't getting enough notice?
Mine, of course.

43. When you walk into a room full of strangers, generally how is your confidence?
My confidence is non-existent, even when I walk into an empty room.

44. How different are you in real life compared to the online identity you have created for yourself?
I'm not quite as amusing or spontaneously adept. I'm definitely not a good conversationalist.
But my online personality isn't fabricated. What I convey on this blog is the "real" me.   

45. When life gives you lemons, what do you do with them?
Throw them at all the bastards who made me miserable.