What? Another update?
When you're alone all week trapped in a wheelchair, there's plenty of time to think and blog.
It's now been a year since I was discharged from physical therapy rehab and sent home. I don't recall the exact date but it was a few days before Thanksgiving.
Between the long hospital stay and rehab, I was away from home for six months.
It wasn't an easy transition. It was difficult and strange, trying to settle into some sort of normalcy.
It required some help and reassurance.
Lately I've been having an extremely upsetting setback due to serious back and spinal problems. Annoying, depressing, and frightening.
I don't give up easily. I'll survive.
My blogger friends are unanimous in saying that I should accept any help that's offered - - instead of struggling to do everything myself.
Even though I'm obstinate, stubborn, and annoyingly difficult - - I agree and fully understand their concern.
When I got out of rehab, I received help from a lot of people and couldn't have survived without it.
A group of home care nurses cleaned my kitchen and most of the house.
A church group cleaned up all the trash in my garage and on the back porch. They also repaired a broken pipe in the kitchen and hauled away the old refrigerator.
A rock and gravel company put in a gravel driveway for free - - and another church group made a gravel walkway to my front porch.
A community service group from Cookeville fixed a broken water pipe under the house and installed a new toilet for free.
A nurse and her family brought me food and fresh fruit every Sunday.
I was completely overwhelmed, feeling that I didn't deserve such kindness.
Don't think that I never accepted help.
I'm fiercely independent. Some people enjoy sitting around, letting others do all the work. I want to do as much as I possibly can - - if it means crawling on my belly past death's door. It's my nature.
This past week was one helluva challenge. I'm still struggling. A lot.
On Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday I was ravaged with such excruciating back, hip, and leg pain that I couldn't do anything. Had no food or water. Existed solely on a case of Pepsi that was by my wheelchair in the living room.
Late Tuesday afternoon I finally got my prescription meds. That night I managed to get my wheelchair into the hall where the doorway to the dining area is. The dining area is on a higher level than the hallway, so I can't just wheel in.
Somehow I was able to reach in and open the refrigerator door. I grabbed ham, cheese, and an apple. My first "meal" in three days.
By Wednesday night I was extremely frustrated. I was determined to get into the kitchen, if it was the last thing I did on earth.
I managed to push the wheelchair into the dining area. I got a can of ravioli from a shelf and literally shuffled and stumbled to the stove. Grabbed a nearby pan and heated it.
Food! I could hardly believe it.
And I continued this nightly ritual on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
It's now Sunday.
I've taken the last of my prednisone pills - - and they were nearly worthless. They alleviated the sciatica nerve pain, but my hip and back are still in excruciating pain.
I tried to sleep in my bed last night but the pain was so intense that I could only endure an hour.......
I crawled back to the wheelchair.
My biggest concern - -
I have extreme difficulty trying to stand and my right leg is useless. The only way I can attempt to walk is to slowly shuffle my left leg and drag along my right leg.
Cute. I'm doing a great imitation of Quasimodo.
I could tell you horror stories that happened to me yesterday but I've said enough. And I don't want anyone to faint.
Life is one helluva bitch but I'm not giving up yet.
It's been cold. Frost in the morning and recently there were snow flurries.
Thanks for reading this. I hate to be a downer, but I sure don't have much to smile about.
Luv, Jon
I opened the door early this morning (in my wheelchair) and took this pic. Trees are bare and you can see the hills beyond.
Belated thanks for all your comments on previous post!
Thank you for letting us know what's going on, Jon. I'm astounded at the will power you wrested from somewhere deep within. Speaking of which, I truly believe in the power of prayer. Doing so right now.
ReplyDeleteThings have been going so bad that only the power of prayer will help me. Thanks, Myra
DeleteI remember my dad always saying, "I wish I could walk again. I would give anything ..." Your terrible health issues remind me so of him and how he struggled. I feel for you, Jon - I honestly do. And I am glad you are a fighter (just as my dad was also!). BRAVE. That is what you are - BRAVE.
ReplyDeleteIt always amazes me how much we can endure in the worst of circumstances. I, like everyone else, am thinking of you everyday.
Life is filled with completely unexpected things. I always thought "It will never happen to me." I'm frustrated and devastated, as I'm sure your father was.
DeleteI put on a brave front, but the raw reality is that I'm frightened. I have no clue what will happen. I've already been through enough.....it's a challenge.
Thank, Kim. Your thoughts are really appreciated.
Sciatica pain is no joke, and mine was not nearly as bad as yours. I have no words to help with your pain, but thinking of you and praying for you. Hopefully the pain will ease soon. Take care, Sheila
ReplyDeleteI'm so thoroughly tired of doctors and hospitals. I'd rather suffer at home.....if I can.
DeleteThanks for your thoughts and prayers, Sheila.
Want something to take your mind off things? Look up Bob Joyce on You Tube. He's a minister, but people say he's Elvis Presley. Take a look...
ReplyDeleteI think that made you laugh. Did that make you laugh?
DeleteI checked him out on YouTube - - and I actually like his singing.
DeleteI smiled, but didn't laugh much....
I hear that you've accepted help, and I get it's so hard for an independent spirit to do that. But -- this may be your new normal. And people actually like to help. One of my friends told me, in a resistant place of my own, that accepting help is a social service!
ReplyDeletePeople truly do enjoy helping others. I never thought of accepting help is a social service. Food for thought!
DeleteI had been waiting for news from you. I sure wish it was better news, though.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping for some eventual good news. I enjoyed seeing your video with the goats, but didn't comment.
DeleteGood to hear from you, Donna.
I've been worried about you.. but I understand. The more I encourage my siblings to do something the less they hear me, so I'm just going to accept the fact that you know what you're doing and you'll know if/when you need ask for help. Praying that things work out like you need for them too. Hugs to you, Louise.
ReplyDeleteIt's always an uphill struggle, isn't it? I'm sorry that your siblings aren't eager to help. I have no siblings and many people think that's fortunate. I do have numbers to call when I need help, which is encouraging.
DeleteI know you're going through very difficult times. Take care, prayers and hugs.
Yes, many people derive much comfort and satisfaction from helping others. It's certainly not a burden to them. So, ask! I was paid to help others, but have also done a lot of volunteer work, especially for the Humane Society. I hope the leg/back pain is subsiding. Have you had recent leg/hip x-rays? CAT/MRI scans? Something is amiss here. Glad to hear the prednisone has helped the sciatica. Venous stasis is an issue if you can't walk or elevate the legs. I hope the home nurses are picking up on that. Sending good thoughts your way, Jon.
ReplyDeleteParanormal John
Volunteering for the Humane Society is a really good cause.
ReplyDeleteA week ago I had xrays and a CATscan at Livingston. Severe sciatica, degenerative disc disease, scoliosis due to injuries. Not good. The hip/back pain is still very intense. It's really bad when I elevate my legs.
Sigh, to be continued...
Thanks, John.
Compression socks (knee high) would be a good idea to prevent what P. John was referring to.. venous clots would complicate things.
DeleteHope you get some relief soon.
I have a pair of compression socks but never wore them (yet). I almost forgot them.
DeleteIt is amazing the help that is available. When I was caregiving for Bill I had all kinds of help, that I wasn't expecting. The last week and especially the last two days were a nightmare. Bill kept sliding on the floor and I couldn't get him up. If there was any saving grace, he wasn't in pain or even that aware of what was going on because his brain (vascular) was short circuiting. I know and understand how much you want and value your independence. I hope you can continue to keep it even though you will occasionally need help. You have a whole community out here in the blogosphere that loves you. I hope that helps to know that we do care how you're doing Jon.
ReplyDeleteRon
It's amazing how many people come out of the woodwork to help. It's a blessing that Bill had good care until the very end. That's thanks to you, Ron!
DeleteI always appreciate your input.
BTW I hope you're enjoying Palm Springs! Take care.
Jon, sure hope that you will reach out again because what you have been going through alone is so tough. Tis the season and most likely you will find some caring folks once again.
ReplyDeleteI'm used to my solo existence, but being alone can be extremely difficult - especially when serious health issues arise. The holidays inspire people to be generous.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dorothy.
How are you today, Jon?
ReplyDeleteStill having a lot of physical problems. The home care nurse advised me to go back to the ER - - but I'll wait and see....
Delete👍🏻
DeleteGood morning, Jon, I see by your above reply to Sandi that you are still in much discomfort. Please do take the advice of the home care nurse and soon. Your blog friends will rest easier knowing you have some assistance and not being on your own. It's not giving up on your independence, but more realizing you cannot manage these problems alone, my friend.
ReplyDeleteSome of the home care nurses will be working on Thanksgiving, which is generous. This morning I managed to get out of the wheelchair. Right now I'm in bed in my bedroom - first time in over a week.
DeleteWe'll see what happens.