If you can't handle problems, complaints, and the grim pangs of ugly reality, please leave now and go to the Fantasyland Blog - where you can safely immerse yourself in rainbows, unicorns, and eternally blooming begonias.
If you have the guts and stamina to endure the agony of my existence - hang onto your wigs and dentures. It's gonna be a bumpy night.
People tend to flee from depressing blogs. I'm a hardcore realist. I don't pretend to be Pollyanna.
I'll save the worst stuff for later. Right now we'll start with the lightning - which I heard never strikes in the same place twice.
Last Sunday - for the fourth time in two years - lightning zapped my property. The lovely September weather was suddenly interrupted by a brutal storm, and a lightning bolt struck with atomic force - - knocking out everything including my computer and landline phone. I was stranded here in the wilderness for four long days without any electricity or outside communication.
My cell phone usually gets a very weak signal out here in Daniel Boone land - but I finally managed to get technical assistance for my unconscious computer. They sent someone out here this morning (Thursday) and I'm finally back online again.........until the next lightning strike.
I never had any computer trouble when I had my old copper wire connection.
Then, the Internet Service Bigwigs got the brilliant idea of switching from copper wire to fiber optics. They assured me that a fiber optic connection was the best thing to ever happen since the advent of the Garden of Eden.
I reluctantly complied and have had nothing but computer trouble ever since. I lose my Internet connection every time I sneeze.
So much for modern technology.
The computer is the least of my problems. I am presently plagued with so much negativity that I pray every night that I'll never wake up.
Due to the relentless never-ending rain, the monstrous "brush" on my property is now over fifteen feet high. It's so bad that the FedEx trucks can no longer come here to deliver my supplies.
95 per cent of the "brush" is covered with sharp thorns and is nearly impossible to cut.
I hastily bought a chain saw and was assured that it was battery-powered. When I got it home, I was stunned that it only works with an extension cord!!!! How the friggin' hell can I use an extension cord on two acres?
I can't return the chain saw. It was on sale.
The challenges of rural living are completely endless.
My place is infested with mice.
Insolent squirrels have nested in the roof and are ripping everything apart.
Possums are living under the house and systematically ruining the water pipelines and heating ducts.
The garage is filled to the ceiling with trash.
My car is falling apart and I'm afraid to drive to town.
My health is completely shot.
I have violent aural migraines every day.
My heart beats are so wildly irregular that it's a wonder I'm still alive.
My blood pressure is through the roof.
Due to a serious old spinal injury which never healed properly, my spine is rapidly deteriorating. I have extreme difficulty standing and walking - to the point where I sometimes can't navigate at all.
My Medicaid insurance was "temporarily" suspended because - get this - - I had too much money in my bank account!
(that's no longer a problem.........)
When it comes to troubles, I haven't even scratched the surface.
So, there it is: the grim reality of my wretched life.
Comments are suspended for this blog post.
Hell, hardly anybody ever bothers to comment anyway. There are about three courageous people who comment regularly on my blog - and I honestly think they do it out of pity.
Fear not. My upcoming blog posts will be rant-free and void of complaints. I'll write about rainbows and unicorns just to appease you.
And I'll allow comments, just in case you dare to write one.
Jon
