I live near my cousin Nancy here in Tennessee. My mother Marie and Nancy's mother Ann were sisters. They were both born and raised in New Jersey. After they grew up and married, Ann and her husband stayed in Jersey. My parents moved to California.
Even though they lived on two different coasts, separated by three thousand miles, Marie and Ann remained extremely close until the end of their lives. They shared many uncanny similarities and tastes, almost as if they were twins (my Mom was nearly three years older than Ann).
I am haunted by the extraordinary fact that, being so close in life, they also share the same date of death: December 7th.
I'm certain this is far more than coincidence.
One of my favorite photos -
Ann is on the left. My Mom is holding Figaro, the family cat.
No date on this photo, my guess is around 1947.
Marie (left) and Ann
Nearly fifty years later -
the last photo ever taken of Mom (left) and Aunt Ann together. I took this in 1995.
It's now been thirteen years since my mother died. December 7, 2009. It seems like a thousand years have passed, and the memories are merely the dusted shadow of a dream.
After my father died in 2005, I stayed with my Mom (in Texas) for the last four years of her life. I don't regret a moment. It was a peaceful, reflective time. The only true peace either of us ever had.
When I look at the old photos of my Mom, it tears my heart to shreds - knowing how much physical and mental abuse she endured from my violent father. Things so unspeakably horrifying that I could never force myself to write about them. Nobody knows but me.
Our mutual fight for survival drew us together and neutralized the ongoing (endless) nightmare.
I admittedly wasn't always the best of sons. In my wild, destructive, frighteningly reckless youth I caused her more than enough anguish.
But she listened, understood, forgave, offered advice, very often rescued the ravaged shreds of my existence from the brink of oblivion. She was my anchor in a sea of chaos.
It's no exaggeration to say that my mother was brilliant and beautiful. She was an extraordinary pianist and my first music teacher. She was a voracious reader, had an insatiable quest for learning, and loved the arts as much as myself.
I've said enough; perhaps too much. I'll only add that I miss her.
with her hair dyed dark brown
(she only kept her hair that color for a few weeks)
(she only kept her hair that color for a few weeks)
This was my Mom's favorite photo of herself, taken when she was about 40. She's wearing a dress that was especially designed for the Miss Universe Pageant.
One of my cousins (a former Miss Arizona, Patricia June Varga) was in the Pageant (I forget what year). Afterwards, she gave some of her Miss Universe wardrobe to my mother because they wore the same size.
I originally wrote this post several years ago and felt compelled to post it again. Jon
Both beauties! ... and how extraordinary they both passed on December 7.
ReplyDeleteToday is the 41st anniversary of my father's passing. My first worst day seems like only yesterday. Tears are for the living.
I remembered that your father passed around the same date as my mom. December harbors some brutally cold memories that can never be expunged.
DeleteI am so very glad you had those last four years with your mom!! She was a beautiful woman--sounds like inside, too. Precious memories. :)
ReplyDeleteAfter enduring all the chaos in our lives, we certainly deserved some peaceful time.
DeleteYour Mom was a beauty.
ReplyDeleteIt's ironic that her life was so tragic - - but the beauty of her memory remains.
DeleteYou and your mother shared a special bond and it’s evident from this post, Jon, that she was the most important person in your life. She and her sister were lovely ladies. The last years you spent with your mother sound like they were the best for you both. Thanks for sharing this private remembrance. My mother passed away in December as well, a few days before Christmas and the 8 years since have not diminished her memory for me.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like many of our loved ones passed away in December, which makes the holiday season especially poignant (and painful). My mom was one of my closest confidents. I'm glad we finally had a few years of peace before the end.
DeleteThank you for sharing this private remembrance. I stayed with my mother for her last four years too. I miss her everyday.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you shared some precious final years with your mother. It's impossible to ever fully recover after the loss - - but at least the memories remain.
DeleteI think I mentioned to you before how much you look like your mother. Beautiful post, Jon!
ReplyDeleteMy mother and I were very much alike. I inherited most of her good traits.....but unfortunately I also got some of my father's rotten traits (thank God I never inherited the violence).
DeleteThe pageant dress is just wonderful, I was thinking perhaps your mom could have been a designer too. It is quite uncanny how similar she looks to her sister, they're the same size and build and I can really see why people took them for twins. I am not surprised you miss her so much, but I think she must be looking down at your and feeling glad how strongly she lives on in your heart.
ReplyDeleteMy mom really liked the pageant dress, but I don't know whatever happened to it. She also had the official Miss Universe shoes.
DeleteYou don't know me from a box of muffin mix (or the de facto "can of paint"), Mr. Jon. I'm a fellow loner. Raised in & around Philly, Viet Nam vet, warlock, Buddhist, and not here brother from another planet. Yeah, I have a thick skin so anybody can jump all over me. I may even sing for you, if I may. Hey, Jon, I wrote you before after my wife told me you are a great musician. I tried to turn you on to the recording program called "audacity". I'm Richard T and I'm at 144kzand@gmail.com. PS. All of the words in our band (Stumbling Stone) are from the Bible. Peace out!
ReplyDelete