A DREAM

 Last night, long after midnight, I had a dream. The dream - which transported me to the past - was so vivid that it was like an unexpected resurrection that extracted me from the infinite depths of the dead.

Suddenly I'm young again - - vibrant, good-looking, with a delicious inevitable limitless future before me that denies any possibility of old age or abject misery.

My friends are here, my parents, relatives, confidants and lovers. My optimism, enthusiasm, adventurous quest to indulge in the gift of life - is as bright and inspiring as the eternal kiss of the California sunshine.

My blessings are always taken for granted - the warmth of my body and soul, the abundant food that I eat, the inevitable sanctuary of shelter and every fulfillment of my greedy whims.

I can not only walk - - I can run, practice yoga, hike, climb, and swim. Every aspect of my physical capabilities are in tact. My fingers are never gnarled or cramped - - they fly effortlessly along the piano keyboard, with extreme dexterity, allowing me to perform an incredible surge of concerts and recitals.

My meaningful existence is immersed in music, art, literature, and all that is available to ignite and stimulate the senses.  I hungrily devour books and indefatigably absorb music. I indulge in concerts - opera, ballet, symphonies, museums, theater, film festivals and folk festivals.

My friends and lovers buoy my spirits and the extraordinary adventure called life nourishes my soul.

I am immersed in the indescribable luxury       of comfort and contentment.......

until suddenly.....

I'm rudely awakened by the winter wind which is recklessly howling through the naked forest of icy trees, and carelessly rattling my paper-thin windows.

And I'm shivering helplessly in bed, frantically pulling the blankets around me - cursing the unwanted fact that my furnace is dead and the evil embrace of frigid winter has expunged any remembrance of the intoxicatingly warm California sun. 

My hands are ice, my legs are cramped, my feet are numb with pain. I shudder at the thought of crawling out of bed in the morning - wondering if my injured spine will allow me to hobble into the kitchen and turn on the hopelessly small space heater.

I shudder at wondering if there is anything left in the cabinet to eat - besides a can of beans and a scrap of stale homemade bread.

I listen to the rude scratching and rustling of  raccoons and squirrels ripping the insulation out of the roof........and the insolent mice racing across the floor.

I hear a distant chorus of restless coyotes and the unearthly hoots of disgruntled owls. 
And I'm wondering if I'll ever get my errant car started again, or if I'll ever be able to summon the strength to drive it.

The sudden realization of my utter isolation and dire desolation hits me like a lethal gust of an icy winter wind.

When I finally force myself to face the horrifying fact that this is no dream - - it's the curse of my present reality.....

I sit up in the savage darkness of night and shamelessly cry.

                                   Jon