I'm going to be brutally honest about something I didn't want to face.
I was admitted to Cookville Medical Center on June 1st. Most of the proceeding weeks were spent dealing with my heart attack. Some difficulties were incurred because blood thinners couldn't be used due to my perpetually bleeding malignant tumor.
Fast forward to July 1st
Perplexed over all my medical maladies, my doctors sent me to Centennial Medical Center in Nashville. The Nashville doctors seemed to be beyond perplexed. One ghoulish doctor - whom I called the Grim Reaper - bluntly told me I was going to die. He advised me to go home and submit myself to Hospice care. Not exactly an encouraging proclamation.
That's the unspeakable fate that I never wanted to face.
I was pronounced as a hopeless case and sent back to Cookeville. Long story short - - I endured seven brutal weeks of chemo and radiation therapies. An ordeal so wicked that it almost makes death look good.
I managed to survive. On August 10th I was released from Cookeville and sent to a physical rehab facility in Jamestown, where I'm still ensconced.
Update? Be patient. I'm getting there.
Last Thursday I was running a high fever, so the nurses sent me back to Cookeville. I spent an absolutely miserable night - having blood tests, a CT scan, and intravenous antibiotics. Mercifully, I was sent back to Jamestown - very early, before dawn.
Today - - I think it's the 25th - - I had an appointment with my oncologist in Cookeville. He deemed my progress in rehab to be remarkable and was very optimistic about my future. My recent CT scan didn't reveal any problems.
Joyous news that I truly wasn't expecting.
When I first arrived in rehab in Jamestown I was so weak that I couldn't sit up in bed, and was very severely underweight. I have since gained eighteen lbs. It doesn't sound like much, but it's a milestone - considering I thought I was hopeless.
I'm now able to navigate in a wheelchair and walk with the aide of a walker. Doesn't sound spectacular, but it's another milestone - - considering my legs were nearly paralyzed from not being used.
Despite my perpetual anxiety and pessimism - - I am determined to keep moving forward. I've been through far too much to give up now.
I've expunged the word "surrender" from my vocabulary.
Luv, Jon
I was just transferred to a new room across the hall - room 603. I'll still receive mail if it was sent to 606B.
Signature Health Care
208 N. Duncan St.
Jamestown, TN. 38556
Jon Varga room 603
That is such a spirit! You're a warrior, and good for you. That sounds like spectacular progress, showing the docs a thing or two.
ReplyDeleteI never thought myself as a warrior - but you are right, perhaps I am. Doctors are often considered to be God-like, but they"re often fallible.
DeleteTears. Happy ones, that is!
ReplyDeleteI'm seriously so believing in that light at the end of your tunnel.
BTW, is your address still the same -- Room 606, I think? xo
As a devout pessimist, I wasn't expecting positive news. It's a great relief. Happy tears are definitely appropriate. After an infinitely long journey through the tunnel - there is indeed a positive glimmer of light.
DeleteI just put the address at the end of this post.
Room 606B
I'm now in room 603 but it's ok if you use 606B
DeleteSo encouraging Jon. Keep up the fight and you'll be home soon. Room number please.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cheryle. Going home is my ultimate goal.
DeleteI just put the address at the end of this post. 606B
I was just transfered to room 603 but it's ok if you used 606B
DeleteDoctors are not always correct. Remember--some doctors were D students. Even good doctors cannot predict anything more than averages of what they have seen or know of. Many people fit into the average spectrum. But some of us do not. Many more than a lot of doctors care to think about--lol! You can't blame them. Most doctors became doctors because they like the concrete answers to problems they can fix or give it their best shot, you know.
ReplyDeleteThere's medicine, science, surgeries, and all of that. But there's also the entire human side--the spirit, beliefs...that whole spiritual side of things. I know people prayed for Dagan. A whole prayer group in California that somebody contacted to pray for him even. All that positive energy--it is real. I know people prayed for me and sent positive, healing thoughts. People prayed and sent healing thoughts to you, too. Probably more than you or I know.
And then, for some unknown reason--(unknown to us, anyways, or to the doctors for that matter)--some of us survive crazy bad odds. Like Dagan's neo-natal nurse told me...a baby could come in with the simplest issue that was so easily fixed that it is done over and over again with wonderful results--but that baby just dies--for no apparent reason. Then some baby comes in like Dagan with a whole series of heart defects with a malfunctioning heart that has grown to three times the size and a heart rate of over 200 with absolutely no chance of survival--and to everyone's astonishment--he lives! Most doctors are thrown for a loop over those opposite events. They like things to be calculable and to make sense to them.
Most people like things to make sense really. But life is mysterious, unpredictable, random, miraculous, terrible, and wondrous! I had a 0.6% chance of totally being cancer free--of actual survival. Expected me to die within 2-3 years and for the cancer to never disappear, but just stop growing for a while--maybe. If I was really lucky the tumors might even shrink some for a while. But I couldn't take chemo because of my terrible reactions to it and the immunotherapy was just palliative--to keep me alive for as long as possible. But that was making me really, really sick, too--in about a year. When most people on immunotherapy took it for the 2-3 years until it was pointless to take it anymore.
And you, Jon...you are walking with a walker!! You are obviously doing better than they have ever expected for you to be doing!! You have already beaten a lot of the odds. No, you certainly can't give up after all of this. No way! You know that life can be painful and cruel and random...but you wouldn't be alive today if you had not always been a fighter. Even when you thought you weren't. There are always times we need to retreat and rest...and sometimes we think life is just too much--too hard...but we keep on going. And surprise everybody, dang it! You can survive this, too.
You may not like it, but it's possible you might have to survive somewhere else than your home in the woods--or the home in the woods would need an overhaul before you could live there safely. But you would survive. Maybe in a better place that you ever could have imagined. You never know. I never thought I would end up in my last two apartments that I truly have loved. And you can have as much solitude as you prefer, I can assure you--lol! But it is nice to have appliances and heat and AC that works, let me tell you! And a cat! ;) Or you might be able to get the house fixed up and move back there. I don't know how they do it but maybe you could have a go fund me page to get that house redone so you could get yourself back in the wilderness. Who knows what adventure you might be on next? I think you believe in miracles, too. ;)
*healing energy and hugs from Fargo*
Thank you Rita for your detailed and insightful comment. Everything you said is right on target. Our lives are incredibly complex. I love the way you described it as "mysterious, unpredictable, random, miraculous, terrible, and wondrous".
ReplyDeleteThe spiritual aspect is potent - the positive thoughts and prayers are indeed powerful.
Many thanks for your input!
From one devout pessimist to another....this is fantastic news. Yes, leave surrender out of your vocabulary, as Boud said, you are a warrior.
ReplyDeleteI've been a life-long pessimist and never understood optimists - who are immersed in rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns.
DeletePerhaps I am a warrior and never knew it *smile*
I was admittedly surprised and generally grateful when I discovered how many people cared about my plight. It did a lot to lift my spirits and inspire me to post updates.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dorothy.
Jon
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you are making progress, and it's not a straight upward line, is it. It's a small sine wave, but you're is slanting upwards, to be sure. That's very good.
Yeah, doctors are indeed fallible. All humans are, no matter our profession. My 50+ years in medicine have shown me my limitations also. We do, the majority of us, try to help. The difference between physicians and plumbers is they fix things, and make a living. If they screw up, they either come back and fix it or people get someone else to fix it. Nobody dies because of their mistakes.
We live with the possibility that our mistakes can harm, perhaps kill, someone. I think most of us take that seriously.
I'm sorry if your experiences since your travails started does not bear that out.
Take care, I think you'll continue to improve, and eventually be able to go home. Home may need some modifications, as a previous person said.
Take care, Jon.
Mike
Hi Mike - it must be an incredible challenge to be a doctor, and I truly applaud their ability to deal with the overwhelming difficulties they face.. You must have had an extraordinary journey.
DeleteProgress is slow and tedious - much more so than I ever expected. I've learned to be patient and I'm thankful for every small step.
Thanks for your input and concern.
Wonderful news Jon, you have most definitely made a lot of progress. Your determination is to be commended, hopefully the days ahead will be more of the same.
ReplyDeleteWhat kept me going was my goal to return back to the comfort and privacy of my home, I dare say, you will too, sooner if not later.
Keep your strength and hope, onwards and upwards.
Best wishes
Jo
Your encouragement means a lot to me. I really need to push myself forward with as much physical therapy as possible. There's definitely no place like home - - especially at this beautiful time of year.
DeleteYou don't usually hear people happy to gain 18 lbs. Congrats! ☺️
ReplyDeleteWow! Wonderful post. FIrst, a change of rooms! Hallelujah! A gain of 18 pounds, wonderful for you. Now if I could lose that 18 pounds, haha! Great scans. What a positive post! Dr's don't know everything. They can use their medical knowledge, maybe they google? haha! But, ultimately they don't know when our days are up. Only the Good Lord knows the number of days we are given.
ReplyDeleteJust so happy that you are getting around with both a wheel chair and a walker, and gaining strength each day. Wendy