Ever since I was hospitalized on June 1st, my mind has been unnervingly muddled.
I've been through such a hellish journey, that reality has slowly slipped into the murky depths of a distant dimension. It wasn't until suddenly very recently that I seem to have awakened from a bad dream and am finally facing the nightmare of reality - - and the raw brutality of reality has sent me into Panic Mode.
I've been hospitalized for over two months, in rehab for over two months.
I've been absent from the real world for about five months - - away from my home, away from everything. I presently have my life but I no longer have my physical strength.
October is unseasonably cold. Winter will soon arrive. I don't want to stay in agonizing confinement - - but how to cope with a thousand things if/when I'm discharged?
I'd truly rather die than stay in rehab. How do I function when released?
I could expound elaborately but I'm not in the mood.
Instead......
I found some photos taken at home last October.
They might not interest you, but to me it is like resurrecting a dusty memory.
Luv ya, Jon
My cat Bosco looking out the bedroom window.
My front yard
My back yard (below)
Are there any kind of programs that could help you with in home care, at least until you are healed. Ask the rehab social services director and see what is available.
ReplyDeleteThe view from your window is spectacular with all that Autumn color and splendor.
I hope you are able to return home soon, keeping my fingers crossed.
Sweet Bosco.
Jo
Home care and medical care are both available. I chose medical care - and home care (cooking, cleaning) only as an option. If at all possible, I like to do things myself.
DeleteThe window photo with Bosco is one of my favorites. Perfect for Halloween.
As always, it's good to hear from you.
In my humble opinion, what I've gone through for the last four months is not the real world at all. It's a horrifying labyrinth torture chamber of pain, agony, constant apprehension, tests, medications, humiliation, helplessness, doctors, nurses, screaming patients - none of this is in my real world.
ReplyDeleteI don't care what anyone thinks. I'll accept medical home care but keep everything else as an option. My home is very small - I don't need a clraning team. I can climb stairs. I've been doing very well in therapy.
I've been using space heaters for several winters and they give sufficient heat.
Sorry for the rant, but I don't plan to forfeit my life for anyone.
I'm extremely stubborn like my father was.
And you're right - - I must be feeling better because I'm getting damn feisty *smile*
ReplyDeleteI see why you want to get back to all that beauty, including Bosco. My unsolicited advice: take the help you can get as you need it. It's a way back to your life as you want it. May be intrusive for awhile, but the end goal is what you are looking at, really.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your advice. It's unfortunate that I have to make compromises to get home but it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteAfter I was released from inpatient rehab, I had home rehab for six weeks, three days a week, forty five minute sessions. Insurance usually requires it, if not, maybe they will give you a program to follow and just check with you periodically.
ReplyDeleteYou are getting there !
Hugs,
Jo
I think the home rehab is about the same here. I fiercely value my privacy but I know I should take advantage of what's offered.
DeleteWhat can I say that hasn't already been offered? It must feel agonizing to be in a place with (too) many questions and few satisfactory answers. At this time of our lives 'winging it' doesn't hold much appeal.
ReplyDeleteI hope it's of some comfort that you've so many friends following, encouraging and lifting prayers.
That silhouette of Bosco is frame worthy!
I probably sound strange and out of touch with my opinions, but I've always been independent and selfish. Which, admittedly, is sometimes foolish.
DeleteI have several other photos of Bosco in the autumn window which are better than this one - - but they're in my computer files at home
I love all your pics, Jon. Especially sweet Bosco. Please take all the services you can get. I understand privacy and independence....but I think taking advantage of these services will pay off in the long run. Take care and a speedy return home.
ReplyDeleteParanormal John
I know you're right about taking advantage of the services - I'll have to reconsider what I really need. My biggest fear is winter coming at a very inopportune time. This is the coldest October since I came here nine years ago.
DeleteThanks, John, it's always good to hear from you.
There little to add to what others have already commented, Jon. Accepting assistance would be a good thing until you are more comfortable being on your own. I do know how much you value your independence and hope that given the progress you've made to date, you will be able to return to the home and privacy you enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI keep wishing that things could be like they were - - but in grim reality I realize I will need assistance.
DeleteI hope you will have a wonderful European adventure.
I'll look forward to seeing photos and reading your upcoming posts
Jon, My greatest fear, the situation you are in now. I hope you find the assistance you need to resume your life in your sylvan retreat in the Tennessee mountains. Maybe you can have someone come in daily to take care of the basics. My friend Larry, who has ALS has someone come in six days a week. And this is with Larry's wife and adult daughter still at home. I think Medicad covers the cost. It is cheaper for the government to keep you in your own home than a facility. I hope you get there soon.
ReplyDeleteRon (Retired in Delaware)
I agree with you, Ron - - I'm almost going insane after being confined for over four months. I want to ho home. I don't need daily assistance but I'm sure I'll need some help.
DeleteSo good you have the pictures. Once you're home, it'll quickly seem as if you have never been away - though hopefully you'll be feeling a lot better than you were then. It is good to hear about your progress.
ReplyDelete