JUSTIFIABLE PESSIMISM

 I've been a pessimist my entire life. I learned at a very early age that you can't count on anything in life.

As a child, it seemed like nearly everything I cherished was taken away from me.

When I was four, I got a puppy for Christmas. I loved it. The dog annoyed my father. He beat the hell out of it and gave it away.

On my fifth Christmas I received a huge train set, complete with a village and tunnel. My father decided it was too big, taking up too much room. He took it away. It was returned to Santa Claus.

Every pet that I had would quickly disappear. I had several cats at different times. My father always said that they ran away. It wasn't true. The son of a bitch got rid of them.

If I had a toy that was in his way, he would destroy it. Once, he smashed up my bicycle and tossed it in the trash.

As soon as I got used to school and made friends, we would move. Happened numerous times.

Nothing good in life will last. The evil Gods of Injustice will take it away.

I was always cautious when something good happened, for fear that something bad will erradicate it. And I was often right.

Pessimism soon became combined with dissatisfaction.

Whenever I had an article published in a major magazine, I would dislike it - - knowing that it could have been much better.

After giving a piano concert, I'd criticize the jeeters out of myself. 

I'm not a neurotic (not much, anyway).......I'm a realist.

No matter how you try to avoid it - - life is going to kick you in the ass one way or another.

I know - - you want me to cut the pathos and get back to boring basics. Okay.

I was absolutely delighted when I recently discovered that Walmart was now delivering groceries to my rural area. It was truly an answer to my prayers.

Not so fast, hombre.

My dream vanished last Thursday. I ordered groceries early in the morning. Got a message that they'd be delivered by noon. Noon passed and I got another message that my delivery would be delayed - due to unforseen circumstances.

Friday. No groceries. I called customer service. The delivery drivers are completely "backed up" and no one knows when my food will be delivered. No refunds allowed.

Sunday. No groceries. According to the Walmart web site, they are currently not taking any more grocery orders.

I'll politely keep my thoughts to myself.

Yesterday - -

the leg broke on a large cabinet in my kitchen. It toppled over. All of my dishes, cups, mugs, and bowls smashed to smithereens. It'll take days to clean things up.

Yesterday - -

a HUGE storm did a lot of damage here. I'm not in the mood to expound.

One more thing

After carefully reading my previous post, The Secret Ghost Within Me, I dislike it intensely. I tried to say far too many things in a short amount of space. I offered extremely condensed versions of very long stories. 

I mainly wanted to reveal glimpses of interesting chapters in my unconventional life. Perhaps fragments are suitable.....(?) Whetting appetites for my memoir.....

or did I suppress appetites??

Perhaps.

Should I repost it?

My mind is muddled.

Jon, devout pessimist