THANKS

 

This Thanksgiving was absolutely the worst one of my entire life. I was so frustrated, distraught, angry, and unhinged that I truly wanted to end it all.

Then, I reconsidered.

Why the heck would I possibly want to kill a person as uniquely interesting, limitlessly creative, and irresistibly charming as myself?

Don't laugh. Delusional narcissism will get you everywhere.

I won't mention the physical and mental agony that I've gone through the past two weeks. You can read about it in my previous blog posts.

Despite an incredibly horrible day, one wonderful thing happened on Thanksgiving.

At almost exactly noon, someone knocked at my door. It was a man from a local church. He brought me a Thanksgiving meal. He also got my mail ( my mailbox is very far from my house and I can no longer access it).

I was overwhelmed with this generous and caring gesture from a total stranger. He truly made my day.

The Thanksgiving dinner was a gift from heaven. I haven't had a decent meal in nearly two weeks. I feasted on corn and green beans, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cornbread, cranberries - - and pumpkin pie!

I suddenly began thinking about all the people who helped me during and after my serious illness last year.

When I was in the hospital for two and a half months and physical rehab for over three months, I was completely overwhelmed by all the people who genuinely cared.

Somehow my plight became known in blogland, and I was deluged with cards, letters, and notes of good wishes. Some people even gave me their private phone numbers, in case I wanted to talk (unfortunately, I'm a lousy conversationalist - -  especially when I'm ill).

Most of these people didn't even know me, but were kind and generous to care and wish me well. 

This outpouring of genuine concern touched me deeply, almost to the point of tears.

I want to say that each and every one of you helped to get me through the most difficult time in my entire life.

I still have every card and letter that was sent to me and I'm keeping them as treasures.

I know that some of you still read my blog. You have my love and appreciation.

The past few weeks are truly a blur, but I'm clearly remembering yesterday (Friday). After my adventure in the ER at Livingston Hospital, they had an ambulance take me home. I was feeling better because I was intravenously plied with methyl prednisol, orphenadrine, and ketorolac. I could use that concoction every day.

Unfortunately the valiant attendants had to carry me up the front porch steps in a special chair. Grossly humiliating for me. Grueling work for them.

But it was a beautiful day. Very cold. Icy mists. Gorgeous Tennessee scenery. The sun dipping beyond the trees, leaving long shadows. It gets dark before 4:30 p.m. 

Inside, alone. The pain was almost gone - - physically and mentally. I began thinking positive thoughts....thinking of all the gifts God gave me. Thinking of the extraordinary life I had......and I mean an incredible life. Enormous amount of bad times, but the good times were pure gold.

At this monumental moment, life was pure gold.

Remember that - - no matter what your problems are. The life you were given is a treasure.

I'm thankful for all the friends I had and have, and my relatives.....and lovers (well, most of them...)

A special thanks to my cousin Nancy, who lives here in Tennessee. During the ten years that I lived here, she helped me more than any other person ever did. She absolutely exhausts herself helping other people. She's truly a saint.

We are both the same age, and suddenly the tribulation of life has worn us out.

I wish we were children again, rambling through our grandmother's yard among the morning glories, honey suckle, snap dragons and fruit trees. Eating grandmom's Hungarian soup. Petting the sweet old cat Mittens.

Ancient memories in a whisper.

I managed to sleep in my own bed last night, instead of the wheelchair. It was wonderful.

I made breakfast this morning and it was a real treat. I still can't walk - - no exaggeration. My balance is bad. I have to slowly shuffle with my left leg and drag my useless right leg.

It's horrifying to go from the table in the dining area to the kitchen. I heated some corn chowder. It was delicious. Then, I tempted danger and made coffee - - and ate Christmas cookies. Ambrosia!

I know I'm not physically well, but I need to keep moving and stay on my feet.

This is long but hopefully not boring. I'm just thinking out loud, unleashing my feelings.

For a refreshing change, I'm feeling emotionally good.

Thanks for reading this.

With gratitude, Jon

The first photo is the front yard in October

Front yard early this morning

Breakfast Christmas cookies

Hills in the evening