SOS - - DEFLATION!

 It seems that nothing exciting could happen in a physical therapy facility in rural Tennessee.

The days are boring, mundane, routine. The patients (or residents) here seem to fall into two catagories.

People with one foot in the grave and the other foot on a (proverbial) banana peel.

And people like me. Haphazard victims of fate, that were viciously singled out to be plagued with more horrifying physical ailments than Job.

Not job - - like working at the Dairy Queen.

I'm talking the biblical Job. The man whom God tortured the hell out of.

But, I'm going off course (as usual).

Anyway, on Wednesday (I think two days ago) there was a spark of excitement here that could have ignited a forest fire.

There was a flurry of activity. Nurses, nurse's aides, and maintenance workers were scurrying around.

Somebody came into my room and mumbled something about moving me.

Moving? Did I hear right?

Was the insurance company finally going to kick me out? Was I going back to Cookeville?

About an hour later, half a dozen people burst into my room. They quickly started gathering up my meager possessions. They even took the large wooden "nightstand" next to my bed.

What's going on? I wondered out loud.

We're moving you to another room, somebody answered.

Somewhat relieved. At least I won't be out on the street.

They wheel me and my entire bed out of the room, quickly down the hall, into another room.

I was formerly 601. Now I'm 609.

It looks the same as my other room. My bed was put by the window, which I like.....

....except there are absolutely hideous curtains on the window.

Looks like they were taken from a long - abandoned funeral parlor.

Oh well, this ain't the Ritz.

The adventure isn't over. Don't leave yet.

I eventually discovered that they were moving numerous people to different rooms. And I discovered very soon.

Apparently there was an old woman who previously had my room. And she thinks it's still hers.

I was having lunch when she wheeled in my room, in her wheel chair.

She's a tiny old lady, the size of a Munchkin. Frail and bent over. A pink knitted cap over her head.

My guess is that she's 103.

I'm not very congeneal, especially when I'm eating lunch in a new room.

I forced myself to say a friendly "Hello".

She looked up at me, startled, backed up - - and zoomed out of the room in reverse.

I never saw anyone go so fast, backwards, in a wheelchair. I sure as heck couldn't do it.

Thank Gawd she's gone. Hope she never returns......

.......until I finished lunch. Thinking about using the urinal. Good thing I didn't. 

Here she is again!

She looked up, saw me - - put the chair in reverse and zoomed out. 

A nurse caught her, told her she was in the wrong room. Guided her away.

Should I mention that she came back into my room several more times within an hour.

I was getting annoyed. But I was drowsy. I fell asleep.

I hope you're not drowsy. The best part is yet to come.

I was suddenly awakened by a big BANG and a popping noise. I heard a rude rush of leaking air.

What the.....I couldn't believe my myopic eyes.

The wheelchair lady was back! At the foot of my bed! Somehow she messed with the mysterious box at the foot of my bed - - - -

She was letting the air out of my air mattress!!!

As I tried to register what was happening - - she somehow grabbed my walker, which was near the window.

SOMEHOW

She was dragging the walker while she was going in reverse in the wheelchair!!!!

She got out of the room while I was shouting for help. My bed was sinking like the Titanic. I frantically pressed the "HELP"  button by my bed for assistance.

A nurse's aide came in, saw me sinking, and said she didn't know what to do. She would call a nurse.

A nurse??? Holy macaroni - -

A 103 year old munchkin stole my walker and let the air out of my mattress. Could it be any worse???

The nurse took one helluva long time to get here. By the time she showed up, I was on the metal frame of the bed - - three inches from the floor.

I was babbling about what happened. The nurse had a bewildered expression and very few words. Was she in shock.....or trying to keep from laughing?

She eventually got my mattress pumped up again.

Hours later, my shock subsided. By then the bizarre incident seemed incredibly funny.

It could only happen to me.

How many people could have a 103 year old munchkin come into their room, steal their walker, and let the air out of their mattress?

I never saw the pint sized culprit again. And I hope I never will.

Jon ❤️     

bewildered, to say the least

This is a long post, but I just had to tell it. Fact is stranger than fiction.

BTW never got my walker back.