NEVER ON SUNDAY

This post has nothing to do with the 1960 movie.

Do I hear sighs of relief or disappointment?

My blog readership has plummeted  to the bottom of the toilet. I figure it's because people are sick of my bitching and complaints.... or they're tired of my beautiful piano music.

It's neither, Jon. We're disgusted with seeing photos of the forest and your damn cats.

Relax, Kemosahbee. No photos today. Just an excruciatingly tedious account of my Sunday adventure.

There's always a method to my madness, which explains the Never On Sunday theme.

I never go out on Sunday. But today I decided to break that cardinal rule.

I desperately needed to go to town (again) - because when I went last Thursday I got a bad migraine headache and couldn't go shopping. And, to make matters worse, the wind was about 350 mph (very slight exaggeration).

SO....
rain was predicted for Sunday afternoon and for the next few days. I figured if I got up REALLY early Sunday morning I could go to town and do my shopping quickly (before the rain began). 

I got up at 7:00 a.m. (which is insanely early for me) after having LESS than two hours of sleep (which is usual for me).

I didn't feel well at all but managed to stagger out to the car. As I was staggering, I noticed sporadic raindrops starting to fall. 

As I'm navigating the narrow, winding, scary-as-hell mountain road to town the heavens burst and a Biblical deluge ensued.

When I arrived in town it was still pouring. I managed to get gas (that's petrol for those of you in Yorkshire) and go to Walmart (where I always buy cat food).

Things were going reasonably well until I went to the supermarket to do the grocery shopping.
Somewhere between the ground beef and the frozen tater tots I got (yet another) migraine headache.

This was a Mega Migraine. The mother of all migraines. I was nearly incapacitated.

I got flushed, my entire body felt tingly, I was dizzy and nauseous, my head was pounding. Worst of all I saw psychedelic flashing lights, multi-colored zigzag lines, and lost half the sight in both my eyes.

That's what my "normal" migraines are always like. They scare the shit out of me when I'm safely at home.
You can imagine what it's like when you're in the middle of a supermarket.

I managed to get to the checkout counter and pay for my stuff.

Outside the rain was still pouring and I could hardly find my car in the parking lot. After I shoved all my groceries (and there were a LOT) into the trunk, I felt like I was going to pass out.

I sat in the car for about half an hour. I considered driving to my cousin's house but didn't want to burden her with any more of my problems.
(she endured enough of my problems last summer, when I was broke and suicidal).

So I eventually drove home. The rain was torrential. The narrow road was slippery. The entire ordeal was like an episode of The Twilight Zone. In slow motion.

Happy ending?
Heck, I guess so.
Got home safely. Had a nap. Ate dinner. Gave the cats their new food.

It's supposed to rain for the next few days.

FROZEN MONDAY

The only thing worse than a frequent blogger is a frequent blogger who's a chronic complainer.
I'm not talking about myself, of course.

I complained about my lousy Friday the 13th.

Then I wrote an excessively long post about getting stuck in the mud on Saturday night.
(sure it was long - but it was delightfully long).

Tonight I'm writing about my rotten Monday. Frozen Monday. Frigid Monday. It was so friggin' cold that it would have shocked Shackleton.

Naturally I had to drive into town. By the time I was ready to leave, the frigid temperature dropped and the icy rain turned into snow flurries, accompanied by a miserable icy wind.

Halfway to town I got a migraine headache. I always get aura migraines, which seriously affect my vision - with bright flashes, zigzag lines, and frightening blind spots.

Imagine me alone driving on a winding mountain road with ice and snow pelting the windshield, and a blinding migraine.

The migraine was still plaguing me when I got to the bank (in town), but by the time I arrived at Walmart it was slightly better.

I had to pee really bad. When I got to the restroom, the door was blocked and the janitors were cleaning it. 

At this point I said "To hell with everything! I'll hold the piss until I get home!"

And that's exactly what I did. I must have an extraordinary bladder.

About the only good thing is that I found some reasonably priced mailboxes in Walmart, and I'll probably buy one the next time I go there (see my previous post for an explanation).

The weather is supposed to "warm up" later in the week, but I won't hold my breath. I'm thoroughly disgusted with these mid-April freezes.
Next to autumn, spring is my favorite season - but there wasn't ONE surviving blossom this year. They all perished because of the endless frosts.

Well, that's enough complaining for now. 

On the bright side (he says with bitter sarcasm):

I'm presently doing some online (tediously annoying) work to earn some extra money.

I'm also in the process of opening a second Zazzle store - which will be more interesting, organized, and unique than my first one is. 

And I'm still working on my Hollywood memoirs which - hopefully - will be completed before I drop dead from my exhausting life here in the wilderness.
Believe me, writing about my chaotic, reckless, bizarre, unconventional, disgustingly salacious past isn't easy.

But it will (hopefully) be a good read.