ALL ABOUT THANKSGIVING

I originally wrote this post at least a dozen years ago on my old Texas blog Lone Star Concerto. That was a time when blogging used to be fun and people still had a sense of humor. 

During the past few years the blogging world has  drastically changed - - tainted with far too much sensitivity, malice, and lack of humor.

People can no longer tolerate opinions that differ from their own - - especially if those opinions resonate with smidgens of truth.  

Well, hell, I still like this post a lot and think it's worth a rerun.

Put on your Pilgrim hats and take a deep breath, boys and girls. Here's my take on Thanksgiving.

                                                            Jon

No matter what opinion you have about Thanksgiving, I think we can all agree that the concept of the holiday is based on varying degrees of legend and hokum.

When we were innocent and gullible kids in school (at least I was innocent and gullible), we were spoon-fed the sanitized Hallmark Card version of Thanksgiving:

The kind, generous, ultra-religious Pilgrims - - out of the goodness of their hearts - - spent days preparing a sumptuous Thanksgiving feast and invited the neighboring Indians over to share the unforgettable banquet. They dined on succulent turkey, sweet potatoes, French's original green bean casserole, dinner rolls with cranberry jam, and pumpkin pie topped with Cool Whip.

They exchanged gifts and recipes. The Indians taught the Pilgrims about the limitless wonders of maize. They prayed together and then joined hands and sang a rousing rendition of Kumbaya.

And they all lived happily ever after in absolute unity among purple mountain majesties and amber waves of grain.

 


In more recent years, the liberal historical revisionists have given us a grim and harrowing Thanksgiving tale of raw realism:

The Pilgrims - - an uncouth, bloodthirsty band of European white supremacist men and their skanky white women - - arrived in America with ill-intent. They invaded the peaceful domain of Indian Territory - plundered the  villages, trampled the teepees, chopped down the trees, polluted the water, claimed the Indian's land, imprisoned the Indian braves, raped the squaws, and gave everyone syphilis and inferiority complexes.

Within a few short generations, the pitifully few remaining Indian tribes were confined to squalid Arizona reservations - - living in unairconditioned Airstream trailers and using their meager government subsidies to buy cheap whiskey and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

 

Take your pick, comrades.  Believe whatever version you like. But while you're chowing down that delectable Thanksgiving meal this week, just remember that  without the white man's aggression and ingenuity - you'd be wearing buffalo robes and living in teepees. And eating maize, whatever the heck that is.

Hopefully I won't be scalped by irate readers. I meant no harm. Honest Injun.

Thankfully yours, Jon