That's exactly how to describe it. My existence. A nightmare in slow motion.
A never-ending surrealistic dream - - unfolding like the haunting backdrops of the 1920 German film, "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari".
Expressionism supreme.
More about that later.
I had my appointment last Tuesday. My oncologist Dr. Johnson in Cookeville Medical Center.
It went exactly as I thought - - nothing new to tell, a vast waste of time. I don't like my new oncologist. Dr. Sydris (now retired) always strived to get things done.
Dr. Johnson gives the attitude that he doesn't give a crap. He listens to my major concerns. Then says I'll need further tests ( he already has my recent horrifying PETscan). He has no appointment schedule. A nurse said it will be "weeks, not sure when."
So......I'll waste precious time, waiting forever. I know I need treatments right now. I'm holding back on this blog post, not telling everything. I don't want to be an alarmist.
Things are worse than can be imagined.
Rainy day on my appointment. I loved seeing the dramatic sky, with occasional sunlight. My only connection to the outside world.
Here, in Signature, it is my prison. I'm existing on nothing but faded memories. Lifeless. Seriously dejected.
A nightmare in slow motion.
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
A masterpiece of German horror/expressionism, 1920. Directed by Robert Wiene.
Starring Conrad Veidt (remember him in "Casablanca" ?)
I won't go into the twisted plot. The sinister Caligari, and the somnambulist Cesare who predicts and commits murders.
When I was ten years old, I had a horror magazine that had photos from the 1920 Caligari film. I was mesmerized by the photos, but knew very little about the film.
When I was 20 years old, I finally saw the film in a silent movie theater in L.A.
The informative years when I explored everything.
This post didn't interest you, and I certainly don't blame you. It's crap.
I have absolutely NO desire to write, but I currently have an Internet connection. So I forced myself.
Jon, 💚
wondering if I'm still.... alive
P.S.
The Silent Movie Theater still exists on Fairfax in Los Angeles. It opened in 1942 and through the years had different names (The Old Time Movie Theater, The Movie Theater) and different owners.
In 1997, owner Lawrence Austin was murdered in the theater when there was a robbery.
%20(20).jpeg)
%20(17).jpeg)
I'VE READ ALL YOUR COMMENTS BUT DIDN'T REPLY BECAUSE I KEEP LOSING MY CONNECTION.
Thank you for writing. As long as you have people waiting eagerly for your news, you're definitely alive. I wish your life were better though. You're in my thoughts more than you know.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Jon. You've been handed a rotten deal.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing, but I wish things were better for you.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear from you Jon, although I wish your health news was better.
ReplyDeleteI keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Jo
Thank you for making time to let us know what's happening (or not). I'm so sorry for the way in which you've been treated -- almost like some kind of science experiment. Thankfully, our God is bigger than that.
ReplyDelete🙏❤️ , Sheila Y
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you're going through this Jon. I couldn't do it. Probably because I spent the summer of 1959 with my staph infection that they kept trying to cure, finally succeeding after three operations. I thought I would never get out of that hospital alive. Many years later one of my doctors told my Mother he was surprised that I did survive. This all from a botched hernia operation where I contacted the staph infection that, when I complained about excruciating headaches, he ignored me and said "I was imagining things." Turned out I wasn't and almost died as a result. I've probably told you this story before and I apologize but I wanted to let you know that I have some feeling of how you feel now, trapped in a prison. I do hope things improve for you and you can go home to your mountain cabin.
ReplyDeleteRon
The Silent Movie Theater and Lawrence Austin !
ReplyDeleteWhat memories of a great place, went there several times when visiting Hollywood and checking out all the sights. Lawrence was so knowledgeable about silent film and old time Hollywood, he helped to rekindle interest in both. Was everyone in shock from Lawrence’s senseless death, both of his killers are in prison for life with no parole.
As for the atmospheric film Cabinet of Dr Caligari, the camera movements and angles, and the chiaroscuro lighting sets the mood of the picture. Such effects I always thought were pioneered by the German and Italian film industries, I learned it was started by the very overlooked pioneers of the British film industry. As film in Britain was looked down upon at the time and given short shrift. Their filmmakers had pioneered the use of mood lighting, pan shots, moving shots and overhead shots in early silent film, and the Germans and Italians copied them.
Trick shots of stop motion, double exposures, and unique special effects were highly developed by the French à la Méliès brothers and everyone copied them.
Wishing and hoping for you Jon,
like that Dusty Springfield song :)
-Rj
Medical specialists have apparently written you off in so many way, Jon, and that is so unfortunate to read about. Undoubtedly, there is much more pain and despair behind what you share here and I am truly sorry about all of it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry the Treatments have been delayed due to an indifferent Specialist. Any way you can replace him? I've watched some Silent Films recently, I like to see the Sets more than the Movie tho'... when those things weren't Antiques but were how they decorated during the Era they were made. *Smiles* Glad you are Blogging when you have the internet connection so we know how things are going, even if it's an edited version of everything you're clearly going thru. Big Hugs.
ReplyDelete