I miss my Kitzee immensely. Sixteen years is a long time to coexist with a cat. I still feel her presence.
Get over it, Jon. It was only a cat.
Anybody who can just "get over" things is a cold-hearted bastard.
Someday I'll tell about digging her grave. Three days of work - in soil as hard as cement. I felt that I was digging my own grave. Perhaps I was......
I've been psychotically depressed for a long time. Bitter. Angry. I'm depressed over a myriad of legitimate problems. The death of Kitzee was merely one more wound to endure.
This roller coaster weather is beyond intolerable. 60 degrees (Fahrenheit) one day, 20 degrees the next.
Today was a balmy 63 degrees, with ceaselessly howling winds that made things seem more chilly. Tomorrow the temperature is supposed to drop drastically. Ice predicted by Sunday. Ice.....
Bad weather and physical maladies have kept me from walking outside for a long time. Today when I wandered outside I was absolutely stunned. The damage from our tornadic storms in December was much more extensive than I realized.
Many more trees were toppled than I had imagined. Most of the "paths" where I walked through the forest are now blocked.
During the past seven years that I lived here, I often looked at the tall cluster of trees that were very near the house - and fervently hoped they'd never blow down.
Well, many of them did - - and they landed only inches (yes, inches) from the house. I suppose it's a miracle that my humble abode wasn't crushed and pulverized.
Here's a picture I took a few days ago. The trees just missed my bedroom and the back porch.
Here are some more photos of my back "yard" that I took today.
I had initially planned to write a Valentine post, but I'll probably just scrap it. After all, it's just another day that was designed to make us feel guilty and spend money.
Jon
heart of hearts
I don't think you ever really get over losing a cat. You might find it tolerable over time, but they leave a huge hole when they leave. Have fun with the chainsaw! Looks like you will be able to break it in soon enough. Just be careful of that kickback from trees that are ready to spring! I about caved in my chest a time ago while removing a downed tree. I cut a branch that had unseen pressure stored up and it whapped me in the chest! Sending me flying! At least I didn't break anything...
ReplyDeleteAnyone who would "say it is just a cat, get over it", is cruel,and I suspect has mental problems.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that it must have been such a difficult cold, lonely, job putting your sweet Kitzee down into the earth. Did you create a marker for her?
I worry about you tackling all of those damaged trees by yourself with a chainsaw with no one there to call for help or help you if there was an accident. In my opinion, not meaning to tell you what to do, I think you would be better off having someone with a lot of experience and professional equipment to take care of all of that storm damage. That looks like major hardhat and tree trimming equipment for that job. We have quite a lot of old large trees in our neighborhood that are having to be taken down, due to the summers becoming hotter, insect enemies that are not native to this country, and just that the trees have completed their life span. We live in such a boring neighborhood with a lot of old farts like hubby and I, that when one of the big old trees gets taken down all of the neighbors set up their lawn chairs and watch the tree trimmers go to work. It looks like a dangerous job. One time when they cut down one our big old trees on a slightly windy day,I asked one of the workmen, the guy who had been way high up in the tree, as he walked by if it doesn't make him nervous when he works when it is kind of windy. He had a big grin , and said, "No ma'am, I think it's exciting".
Take care,Jon.
I feel your pain regarding Kitzee and I know that there is nothing that I could possibly say to help you feel better. I thought that it somehow got easier dealing with the loss of a cat after losing so very many through the years as my husband and I have, but it only seems to get more difficult.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I feel compelled to share something with you that a friend of mine said to me after we lost our beloved Midnight. He said, "Go outside and look up. Midnight's light is shining down on you from the stars. The breeze on your cheek is his face rubbing against yours. He has left behind his body and moved on to a new adventure. Nothing is ever truly lost. It just changes."
I wish you peace and love, dear Jon.
I love what the others have written about Kitzee. Those of us who love fur babies grieve with you, Jon. No wonder you feel yourself a bit diminished. I wonder how Bosco seems to be feeling.
ReplyDeleteThanking God your home was spared in that storm. If those branches weren't so close, I'd ask if you're allowed a controlled burn.
There is little to say, Jon, that can make you feel better because you have suffered such a loss. If the thoughts of fellow bloggers were hugs you would feel the caring that goes out to you from all of your faithful readers. Perhaps, they are but a small group, but numbers don’t matter, it’s caring that does in the end.
ReplyDeleteThere’s no denying you have a lot of downed trees from those storms and having a chain saw is helpful, but as Susie commented perhaps seeking some help would be a good idea. Of course, I do realize that is easier said then done.
Jon- I know it's not much consolation but I, along with others that have commented, can feel your pain and we sympathize with you. We didn't have cat, but a dog- Rascal- for 15+ years. We had to have him euthanized 10 years ago and I still ache to have him sit by my side again, follow me around, etc. Long distance hugs to you. I pray for you to have peace.
ReplyDeleteI have never said "just a cat" in my entire life...or "just a dog"...or "just a hamster"...whatever. I always trusted animals more than humans, to be honest. There are special ones over the decades that are deeper in your heart, I think, but they are each special individuals.
ReplyDeleteThat tree does look like it just missed your house! If you had a wood stove... ;)
That is some mess you have in your front yard Jon! You're right, you're darn lucky that tree or those trees didn't hit your house. That would have been "the icing on the cake." I know all about downed trees. When we lived in the middle of the woods in Pennsylvania, we were always having to clear out downed pine trees blocking our long driveway. Some we could do but some we had to pay hundreds of dollars to have a neighbor who was proficient with a chainsaw to do the dirty work.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, never "just a cat." An animal, dog or cat, is a member of your family and I value them just as much if not more than humans. I had to put down my Horace, a 16 year old Pomeranian, in 1998. There is hardly a day that I don't think about him and miss him. Like your Kitzee, Horace was part of me and me of him. His death is the only time I ever cried over a death of a living thing. You had such a special relationship with your Kitzee. Sixteen years is a good run.
Ron