THE INTRIGUING SIDE OF PURGATORY

I'm in my own private realms of hell, of course, but I often lie and say I'm in purgatory. It sounds less innocuous.

I suppose it's human nature to be so immersed in your own agonizing problems that you don't bother to see the rejuvenating aspects of life that surround you.
They might be subtle or elusive, but they're there.

Today was so lovely and enticingly inviting that I put on my hiking boots, grabbed my walking stick and El Cheapo ancient digital camera, and ventured outside.

My feet hurt, my back is so ravaged that I can hardly hobble, but the intrigue of Mother Nature on a sunny, balmy autumn day is often irresistible.

Fortunately the forest is only a few yards from the house.
Despite the fact that glorious October is gone, some beautiful foliage is still colorfully clinging to the trees - - ignoring the annoying prospect of impending winter.

It's sunny but there's a balmy haze that seems to infiltrate the photos (...or is it just my myopic eyes?)

Some trees are bare, but not too many (yet)

A tree in the front yard (above) illuminated by the morning sunshine.

My wild, overwhelming back "yard".

......and Bosco, intrigued by some blowing leaves (the camera flash went off when I took this, and the picture looks washed out).

Before I depart -
I want to thank the few courageous people who left such thoughtful comments on my previous post.

           Cheers, Jon

LAMENTATIONS IN A NAKED FOREST

I miss my Kitzee immensely. Sixteen years is a long time to coexist with a cat. I still feel her presence.

Get over it, Jon. It was only a cat.

Anybody who can just "get over" things is a cold-hearted bastard.  

Someday I'll tell about digging her grave. Three days of work - in soil as hard as cement. I felt that I was digging my own grave. Perhaps I was...... 

I've been psychotically depressed for a long time. Bitter. Angry. I'm depressed over a myriad of legitimate problems. The death of Kitzee was merely one more wound to endure.

This roller coaster weather is beyond intolerable.  60 degrees (Fahrenheit) one day, 20 degrees the next.
Today was a balmy 63 degrees, with ceaselessly howling winds that made things seem more chilly. Tomorrow the temperature is supposed to drop drastically. Ice predicted by Sunday. Ice.....

Bad weather and physical maladies have kept me from walking outside for a long time. Today when I wandered outside I was absolutely stunned. The damage from our tornadic storms in December was much more extensive than I realized.

Many more trees were toppled than I had imagined. Most of the "paths" where I walked through the forest are now blocked.

During the past seven years that I lived here, I often looked at the tall cluster of trees that were very near the house - and fervently hoped they'd never blow down.

Well, many of them did - - and they landed only inches (yes, inches) from the house. I suppose it's a miracle that my humble abode wasn't crushed and pulverized.

Here's a picture I took a few days ago. The trees just missed my bedroom and the back porch.

I don't know how the hell I'm going to clean this rubble up, and I'm at the point that I don't care. Thank goodness I have a chainsaw. Now all I need to do is learn how to use it.......
 

Here are some more photos of my back "yard" that I took today.

One lone courageous tree standing near the pile of rubble.
 

I had initially planned to write a Valentine post, but I'll probably just scrap it. After all, it's just another day that was designed to make us feel guilty and spend money.

                                           Jon

                                           heart of hearts

WIND-SWEPT CHRISTMAS EVE

Strong southern winds blew into rural Tennessee, bringing unseasonable warmth and a surrealistic aura which expunges the traditional essence of Christmas Eve.

The day was balmy, hazy, overcast, with feeble glimpses of dusty amber light that could have been sunshine. The wind was intense and persistent, and is still whining and moaning late at night as I'm writing this. My only concern is that more nearby trees might topple, like they did during the tornado warning two weeks ago.

In mid-afternoon the forest looked ghostly, with dark shadows of gnarled naked trees and haphazard piles of trees that were broken and toppled in recent storms. Bleak. Desolate.

My day was completely uneventful. The ceaseless wind was an appropriate accompaniment to the mournful elegy of my weary soul.

I had roasted lemon pepper chicken with wild rice for dinner. Pecan pie for dessert. Tomorrow I'll have leftovers.

Tonight I lighted candles to evoke the spirits of past memories. ...to resurrect distant echoes of what was once my life....

Sentimentality runs rampant in the custody of potent wine and the delicious danger of rural isolation.

These photos were taken at mid-afternoon on Christmas Eve. Believe it or not, they're in color but look black and white.

My recent forest photos all look alike because I've been taking the pictures from the back porch. Too lazy to venture away from the house.
 

The winter sun looks so remote and far away - even at noon. It seems to linger tauntingly near the horizon.

I bought some new candles the other day (how exciting!). This one has the rare and heavenly scent of amaretto and blood orange. I love it.
Blood oranges were always abundant in Texas around the holiday season. I haven't seen any here in TN.

This "tree" is a European Cypress. The candle is cinnamon and cloves (I'm sure your excitement knows no bounds).
 

A warm and aromatic array of candles on Christmas Eve......accompanied by potent homemade cranberry wine and the phantom sound of howling winds in the forest.
 

May poetic dreams always sustain you and may all good and positive things continually infiltrate your journey through life.     

 With love, Jon

Was that a strange sentiment? Heck, I thought it was better than "Happy Holidays".

I made this video last year and didn't like it. So, I revised it yesterday with some new visuals. I'm still not satisfied, but what the heck - it's not too bad.

P.S.  I'm STILL having lots of trouble trying to leave comments on your blogs.
A pox on Blogger!

DECEMBER GHOSTS

 

Frozen ghosts. Ghosts that haunt the empty realms of my troubled soul.

This blog is an unintentional enigma. The many conflicting facets of my existence are a grievous annoyance. My life isn't always an open book. There's a lot that I don't tell. I wouldn't dare.

In November my problems were overwhelming.
In December my problems are completely insurmountable. I've given up. Too mentally and physically exhausted to continue the struggle.
I'll somehow summon the strength to drag myself through December, to the threshold of another year - - and then what? 

.....and then the struggle intensifies with twelve new months of limitless agonizing possibilities. 

Ignore what I've said. They were random pangs of personal darkness not intended for public consumption. They should be expunged immediately. 

 My rural surroundings have engulfed me, ensnared me with  devious intrigue.
The forest around me is tauntingly deceptive, like a wayward lover:
an incredibly alluring facade that harbors dark elements of inevitable destruction.

Yesterday at dusk the curious lens of my digital camera captured wandering ghosts - - mesmerizing spirits of haunting beauty that linger in the crimson glow of a December twilight, among gnarled shadows of naked trees.

And suddenly my troubled soul shivers with unexpected delight.

                                    Jon
                                    an enigma

WALKING ON THE EDGE OF AUTUMN

 

I'm foolishly suppressing my problems, refusing to deal with them. I managed to get my car running again but it's still ailing. I'll drag it to town next week to get checked. 

As for my (many) other woes - - to hell with them. I'll eventually take them on one at a time. Slowly.

Yesterday and today I ventured outside to walk in the forest. These were my first woodland treks this autumn. Yesterday was overcast, humid, very mild - - a languid, yawning, abstract day which perfectly reflected my mood. Today there was pale, feeble sunshine and intoxicating warmth.

Despite the fact that it's nearly mid-October, autumn has not yet arrived in my neck of the woods. The leaves are withering slightly but still mostly green, with only hints of upcoming color. The autumnal burst of color won't materialize for another week or two - the usual peak is around Halloween.

It's fortunate that the forest is only a few yards from the house. I physically didn't really feel like walking but it was nice to get out.
Due to an enormous amount of steady rain this year, the forest has changed. Familiar places where I used to walk are now obstructed by overgrowth. Everything looks different....like a jungle scene from The Lost World (I watched the old 1925 movie last night).

My ancient El Cheapo camera seems tired and worn out (like myself). It didn't really capture the essence of my surroundings; it didn't do it justice.

Random, boring glimpses of my world.

Rising sun peeking through trees this morning

Venturing into the forest around noon

 

A few timid leaves are starting to turn colors

 

A glimpse of my house at the edge of the forest

Kitzee on the front porch. You'd never know I painted that porch a year ago. It looks like it hasn't been painted in 50 years.
 

Bosco checking out the pumpkin. He never stays still long enough to take a good photo.

A pork shoulder roast with potatoes, carrots, and onions. It was really good. I'm tempted to buy another one next week and have it again.
 

LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY

 Thanksgiving is less than a week away!

Have you decided what six people you will be inviting for dinner? Have you strategically measured the safe distance between each guest who will be sitting at your disinfected table?

Despite the prospect of disagreeable November weather, will you be dining outside?
Have you decided what festive Thanksgiving mask you'll be wearing?
Will your turkey be wearing a mask?

Don't panic. These questions are rhetorical. I'm merely throwing out  unimportant tidbits for you to ponder.
You're very fortunate that - lately - I've been politely keeping 99 per cent of my real thoughts to myself.

Actually, I think many people are secretly delighted that Thanksgiving is banned (restricted?). No massive preparations, no hectic traveling, no relatives that you hate, no annoying children (admit it - they're annoying....)

Methinks the detrimental shadow of Big Brother is making us less thankful every day....

So, do I have anything to be thankful for this year?
Yes - I'm extremely thankful that I learned how to make homemade booze. It has immensely enhanced the rural purgatory in which I'm ensconced.

In fact, I'm delightfully under the influence as I write this...

I'm thankful that six discerning people liked my piano video in the previous post. They have exquisite taste for appreciating my talents and creativity.

Did I ever mention that my piano recordings are consistently my most unpopular blog posts? It's true. Unfortunately true. Disconcertingly true.

Ironically, when I posted a half-naked photo of gay retro porn star Peter Berlin, my blog got nearly 1,500 hits (not in one day).

When I published a post entitled Elizabeth Taylor's Pussy it got over 5,000 hits (it was completely innocent - check out my sidebar on popular posts).

So what's my point? Smut sells.

These trees are only a few feet from my bedroom. If they ever toppled onto the house, I'd be toast.
 

Last weekend there was a horrendous windstorm. Way after midnight, when I was in bed, I heard several enormous nearby crashes. I figured something happened near the house, but was too lazy to get up.
In the morning I discovered that several large trees were blocking the narrow road that winds past my place. Several workmen (thankfully) arrived and removed them with the aide of chainsaws.
No damage to my property (thankful, again).

It's hunting season! Let the slaying begin!

Yesterday (Friday) there was more gunfire around here than I've ever heard before. Non-stop all afternoon and early evening.

I ventured in the woods for a brief walk (camera in hand) and kept fervently praying that a myopic hunter wouldn't mistake me for Bambi.

Now that the trees are bare, I'm able to see the nearby mountain. Okay, technically it's only a hill. Heck, I've seen bigger boobs when I was in Hollywood.

I used to have a decent view of the neighboring cow pasture, but with all the rain this year everything is overgrown and the pasture is obscured.

Very few leaves are left in the forest

I like this mystical shaft of sunlight.

My El Cheapo digital camera has a ten-second timer. I had to set the timer, put the camera on the porch railing, grab the 25 pound pumpkin, run like hell to the porch swing, sit down and try to look relaxed and pretty. All for you.
It wasn't easy.

SHADOW CATS

Scratch (above) and Bosco (below) on the porch, contemplating their long shadows. 

 

note -

I'm still having lots of trouble leaving comments on blogs that have popup comment windows. It's a computer "glitch".....I'm not in the mood to explain details now.