Why? Why am I bothering to write a new post? Possibly to convince myself that I still have the ability to convey my thoughts, that I'm still reasonably rational - -
not senile yet, not...quite...dead.
Routine. My present existence is completely routine. Meals, meds, nurses, wound care, bed baths (holy sheeit), meals, meds, meds.
I must be a frickin' addict by now. At least with the pain pills, I'm no longer screaming with pain.
The past few days are muddled. I can't keep things in logical order.
Two days after I was moved to this new room (#609), the two Big Wig social workers ( one male, one female) who run this place, came into my room.
I hate it. They are always messengers of bad news.
Somber and icy, they announced that they're moving me to another room.
ME - always polite and congenial
lost my temper and spewed my disgust.
I flatly refused to be moved.
They looked dour but completely stunned.
Finally, I said "I don't give a crap what you do. Wheel the damn bed outside to the garden."
My exact words.
Several days later.....and I never heard from them again. I regret my outburst, yet I don't care. It's probably not the end.
The biopsy for the "non-cyst" on my arm? So far no results. The head nurses keep calling, and the biopsy place (whatever) keeps stalling.
I'm extremely worried.
Yesterday a nurse changed the bandages on my arm. The "non-cyst" started bleeding hard. My hospital gown, the sheets, and my pillow case were soaked. They had to change everything.
Nurse finished the bandages and left the room.
Ten minutes later, blood was streaming down my arm. The bandage was soaked. I was horrified. Grabbed a towel and put pressure on it, while struggling to press the "Help" buzzer.
Nurse (finally) returned. Had to change the bandages and reinforced the "non-cyst" with stronger bandages. So far no more blood.
Nothing unnerves me anymore. I'm used to be pummeled with crap.
How's Hospice?
They sent several social workers to ask me myriads of questions. I'm very good at answering and feigning the fact that I'm sane.
The problem with Hospice is that their sole goal is to make you comfortable until you croak.
They want you to die.
They are admittedly nice - - one of their nurses sees me twice a week.....and I still have the nurses here at Signature Health Care.
BUT - I'm no longer having physical therapy here. I guess the insurance no longer covers it.
Hell, I admittedly don't know what exactly is going on. My tired mind can't concieve all the red tape.
I think I have the option to lose Hospice and go home, back to the Quality Home Care nurses. But I desperately need physical therapy (which they provide).
I just hope I can keep my sanity for a little while longer....and hang on....
For several recent nights in a row, I've been having dreams that I can walk again. Joyous dreams!
.....are they only dreams......?
Jon 🧡 dreaming
Top image
One of my AI creations. I know some of you are tired of it and don't like AI, but I plan to do several future posts about it.
If there is a future.
The fortune teller knows.....
I think it's sick that these insurance companies know your body better that you. The worst system ever we have. And I wonder why they try to keep moving you too other rooms. Can't one relax in peace? A room is a room, and as you stated in your previous post, they all look the same! I sure hope they find out what is going on with that cyst.
ReplyDeleteI agree we have a bad system. No matter how you plea to the insurance companies, they never yield.
DeleteI can't imagine why they keep wanting to move me into different rooms. They never gave me a plausable answer, which is why I got angry.
And I don't know what the delay is concerning the biopsy.
I don't like that refusal to explain. But I expect it's about $$. Maybe some rooms more valuable to insurance than others? Who knows. I wish you could get answers to that cyst issue, too.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right - - the room situation is probably about money and insurance. I'll most likely wind up in the basement.
DeleteI can't understand why the biopsy results are taking so long.
Take care, Liz.
It is odd that they don't even give you a reason for the changing of the rooms. Odds are it has to do with money and cost. Grrr!
ReplyDeleteI hope they finally can give you an answer on the arm cyst. Skin cancer is rarely the spreading kind. At least that is what they told me when they have me waiting two months to get mine removed on my face--lol!
Hang in there, Jon!
It is really frustrating not being given a plausible answer about the rooms. I had a suspicion that it has to do with money/insurance.
DeleteThe "non-cyst" on my arm looks absolutely horrible. The last thing I need are more problems....
I'm hanging in there, but only by a thread.
Mine looks worse since they cut a chunk out of it and I it is still bleeding off and on, but I haven't been taking blood thinners! Are you sure they got you off of those!
DeleteThe fortune teller is like that magic eight ball. Run to Jesus.
ReplyDeleteAt least the fortune teller is pretty, and (I think) sincere...*smile*
DeleteAs for magic eight balls, never again.
Oh Jon, I have all too recently been through this nightmare with my mom, and hospice is indeed the last step and it only helps if you are TERMINAL! Trust me, if physical therapy is not covered by your insurance and you can afford to go home and pay for it, PLEASE DO!!!
ReplyDeleteTheir goal is to make your comfortable but not prolong your life much longer. They were a blessing for both my dad and my mom, but you are not even close to the end!
MANY MANY prayers for your recovery!!
And as far as the "eight ball" I don't blame you! NOPE!!
- Kim
Ever since the insurance co. stopped coverage for physical therapy, I have no clue what's going on here. Nothing is clear or concise. The people from Hospice are rather weird and disconcerting. I suppose all I can do is stay strong and find out as much as I can.
DeleteQuality Home Health Care does offer physical therapy, so far as I know.
Oh, yes and as to WHY they keep moving you to another room, my educated guess is that it is an insurance thing because it is cheaper.
ReplyDelete- Kim
I agree.
Deletethecontemplativecat here. Not much I can add to these comments above. This is not the best time of your life, but it means that you have the strength of character to see what is happening. Good for you. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to hang in there and keep my sanity. Ever since the insurance co. dropped my physical therapy coverage because I've been here too long, things have been uncertain and confusing. I know I'm not physically strong enough to go home yet, but that's my goal.
DeletePretty gypsy lady, but please, no tarot cards or eight balls. (Chills, remembering your own memory.)
ReplyDeleteRemember the children's story of the little engine who believed he could? Yes, you can!
I have no intention to mess with Magic Eight Balls, after those chilling childhood memories that I have.
DeleteI remember the story of the little engine when I was very young (I had a book about it). Never thought I could use it as an adult.
I hope I can!