GOLDEN AUTUMN, BLOODY AUTUMN

Post title sounds like a cheap horror movie ploy. It's my cheap ploy. Last night was a reasonable facsimile of a horror movie, I suppose.

Background Effects

Thunderstorms all night long. Thunder rumbling. Lightning flashing in the window by my bed. The cancerous "wound" on my upper arm started to bleed, as usual, seeping through the bandages, as usual. Nothing new. Daily (nightly) occurrence.

This is the blood "seeping" through the bandages onto a towel - - it hasn't really started bleeding yet. I endure this EVERY DAY. How would you like to go through this daily ???? No exaggeration.

 Photo taken last night.

Bad Part

The only night nurse on duty is the (extremely) incompetent one. Is perpetually clueless. And has an EXTREMELY potent hillbilly accent that I can't understand.

Starts ripping bandages off, unraveling me like a mummy. Blood gushing everywhere.

"What should I do?" "How should I wrap it?"

I understood that. I'm nearly fainting.

"Maybe I should call the Hospice nurse...." she suggests.

"OK," I reluctantly agree, desperation.

Hospice is shit. They're eagerly waiting for me to die.

Hospice Nurse arrives in about an hour...in a raging thunderstorm.

"Why do you want radiation therapy?" she demands.

So I can live and kill you.

"So the bleeding will stop," I tell her.

She is no frickin' help at all.

My radiation treatments start....supposedly.....next.....Monday.....29th

See my previous posts

IF I get the radiation, I'm dumping Hospice. They're complicating everything.

I'm losing an enormous amount of blood - - ever since April. APRIL!!! Spring.

Result? Extremely low blood pressure, constant fatigue, dizzy, queasy, fainting, migraines, chest pains and burning.....

Secretly I ordered Iron pills and B12 vitamins from local Walmart...take them daily. I also ordered dried fruit and mixed nuts for nourishment.....and a jar of chocolate peanut butter. Yes, chocolate. I eat these things at night.

Better than the crap they serve here.

I've got to get outta here.

Alive.

Jon, half dead...but nerves of steel......❤️  Endurance

More autumn pics in my next post.....just to irk you.

Even through bloody hell, my talents thrive.  😈

WHY?

Why? Why am I bothering to write a new post? Possibly to convince myself that I still have the ability to convey my thoughts, that I'm still reasonably rational - -

not senile yet, not...quite...dead.

Routine. My present existence is completely routine. Meals, meds, nurses, wound care, bed baths (holy sheeit), meals, meds, meds.

I must be a frickin' addict by now. At least with the pain pills, I'm no longer screaming with pain.

The past few days are muddled. I can't keep things in logical order.

Two days after I was moved to this new room (#609), the two Big Wig social workers ( one male, one female) who run this place, came into my room.

I hate it. They are always messengers of bad news.

Somber and icy, they announced that they're moving me to another room.

ME - always polite and congenial

lost my temper and spewed my disgust.

I flatly refused to be moved.

They looked dour but completely stunned.

Finally, I said "I don't give a crap what you do. Wheel the damn bed outside to the garden."

My exact words.

Several days later.....and I never heard from them again. I regret my outburst, yet I don't care. It's probably not the end.

The biopsy for the "non-cyst" on my arm? So far no results. The head nurses keep calling, and the biopsy place (whatever) keeps stalling.

I'm extremely worried.

Yesterday a nurse changed the bandages on my arm. The "non-cyst" started bleeding hard. My hospital gown, the sheets, and my pillow case were soaked. They had to change everything.

Nurse finished the bandages and left the room.

Ten minutes later, blood was streaming down my arm. The bandage was soaked. I was horrified. Grabbed a towel and put pressure on it, while struggling to press the "Help" buzzer.

Nurse (finally) returned. Had to change the bandages and reinforced the "non-cyst" with stronger bandages. So far no more blood.

Nothing unnerves me anymore. I'm used to be pummeled with crap.

How's Hospice?

They sent several social workers to ask me myriads of questions. I'm very good at answering and feigning the fact that I'm sane.

The problem with Hospice is that their sole goal is to make you comfortable until you croak.

They want you to die.

They are admittedly nice - - one of their nurses sees me twice a week.....and I still have the nurses here at Signature Health Care.

BUT - I'm no longer having physical therapy here. I guess the insurance no longer covers it.

Hell, I admittedly don't know what exactly is going on. My tired mind can't concieve all the red tape.

I think I have the option to lose Hospice and go home, back to the Quality Home Care nurses. But I desperately need physical therapy (which they provide).

I just hope I can keep my sanity for a little while longer....and hang on....

For several recent nights in a row, I've been having dreams that I can walk again. Joyous dreams!

 .....are they only dreams......?

Jon 🧡  dreaming

Top image

One of my AI creations. I know some of you are tired of it and don't like AI, but I plan to do several future posts about it.

If there is a future.

The fortune teller knows.....