DISCONCERTING DAYS

 

I'd like to sleep through these days, like a lazy cat.

Okay, let's get to the point (which is unusual for me to do).

In my previous post I was talking about the extremely annoying talkative woman who visits my roommate.

I casually admitted that I could gleefully and guiltlessly kill her with my bare hands.

This admission might have flustered some of you. I assure you that cold blooded murder is only my fantasy - - not my absolute intention.

My humor is often cruel, wicked, offensive, brutal, sarcastic, and unfunny. It's part of my charm.

Look back at your lives, my good people. There must have been someone you'd like to kill. Admit it.

So

My roommate's wife visits every day, breathlessly talking incessantly. I ordered ear plugs from Walmart. They help expunge her existence.

My roommate (Leo) is at least partially senile. He doesn't say a word, while she babbles on for hours. I imagine she drove him to senility.

Roommate Leo has an annoying habit.

I am a very private person, which is an impossibility in a hospital environment. I try to keep the curtain between beds closed.

Roommate Leo has learned to reach over and open the curtains. Then he just stares at me. Sometimes for hours.

This is extremely disconcerting. I can't close the curtains because I can't reach them.

I'm afraid to use the urinal. I don't want anyone watching me pee.

Well, today he's watching TV. That's much more interesting than watching me.

Leo, four feet away from me.

On to other things.

The wound under my left ankle is getting worse. It started as a pressure sore long ago. Now it's a massive, horrifying deep wound that drains and doesn't heal. The pain is beyond excrutiating. Xrays were taken last Tuesday. I haven't yet heard the results. I'm taking strong antibiotics. Hope they will help.

Intermission

I had to stop writing because I got an ocular migraine. I get them frequently. Half an hour of rest usually helps to expunge them.

And lunch was served. This time I was stunned. A hearty beef stew, which was very good (but small portion).

Speaking of food

I disliked the food that was served at Signature Health Care, and I'm disgusted with most of the food here at Waters Rehab.

During the past miserable year, I lost an alarming amount of weight.

SO

I'm now ordering food from Walmart. Unfortunately, they only ship non-perishable food here, because the closest Walmart is 30 miles away.

Two days ago I got packets of tuna and a loaf of bread (they only ship certain brands).

Astounding photos

And I made crude sandwiches. Better than nothing.

I'm also eating lots of peanut butter. Pure peanuts blended with plant protein. Tastes a little grainy, but it's nutritious. I love to eat it on Keebler chocolate-covered  shortbread cookies.

 I have plans for making more secret meals.

SO

I am still very deeply depressed because the wound on my ankle, my painful swollen knee, and my nearly paralysed left leg are keeping me from physical therapy. I'm trapped in a nightmare....and the longer I wait, the worse it will be.

Weather report. Getting chilly here in Gainesboro. 19 degrees (Fahrenheit) two nights ago and snow flurries.

AND THE GRAND FINALE

To keep my sanity, I'm still buying genuine items from ancient Egypt. I buy them from an archeologist in Canada.

This arrived today. Hand carved in stone. It's an Egyptian amulet, called the Holly Owl - - symbol of wisdom.

Photos are rather bad, but you can see the incredible details that still exist on a statue so old.

Thanks for reading this. I truly love all of you.

Jon ❤️ 

Collector of antiquities.

A special big thank you to Dorothy from NH. I got your card today and the sentiments that you wrote are beautiful. 💚

P.S. I took better photos of the owl, which I'll include in my next post.  🦉🦉🦉

I'll bet you can't wait.

A POSSIBILITY OF OPTIMISM

Where to begin?

I told you about my blazing charger cable, that burned my arm and nearly set my bed on fire. I put out the fire with my pillow. I only had that phone charger for a year.

I ordered a new one that will be delivered Friday. Well.....I discovered the local Walmart has them in stock, and I had one delivered this morning. Now I can charge my two phones and tablet.

I'm wasting time, I just saw some of you yawning and falling asleep.

I'm delighted that I recovered from the horrifying side effects that I wrote in a previous post. It was so bad, I truly thought I was going to die.

The culprit - - a strong muscle relaxer called baclofen. It has killed many elderly people.

Now I'm wearing an opiate pain patch (you can't win). No side effects, but I have a really bad cold....completely lost my sense of taste. Gave me a test - - I don't have Covid.

Trying to rest and keep my bad leg immobile.....

....so, we've had at least five power outages, which deflated my air mattress. This completely knocks my back out of line, causing AGONIZING PAIN. The worst one had the mattress completely deflated. I was lying on the metal mattress frame.

I kept pressing the call button. NOBODY came. I was on the bed frame for 45 minutes, at least. Finally, a young lady came in with the dinner tray. She reflated my mattress and saved me.

Well, that wasn't very uplifting.

How about this?

It's been snowing here in the mountains of rural Tennessee for two days. Nearly 15 degrees (Fahrenheit) last night. Daytime "high" today 28 degrees. Early winter.

Winter or not, the more I think about the freedom of going home, the more optimistic I become.

Yesterday (Monday) a huge miracle occurred.

Suddenly, without any notice, two people came into my room. They were from Quality Home Health Care - - the home nursing I previously had. They said when I go home, they want me to be with them again!

That would solve my worries about having home care. They said they would talk to the Dragon Lady. I said, "Careful, she bites."

I seldom hear from Hospice. They have given up with me. I will leave them soon....then I have the freedom to break away from Signature.

Not exactly easy, but I feel optimistic.....and the thought of independence and freedom is exhilarating.

Jon ❤️ possibly high hopes

I didn't edit this sorry for any typos, glitches....

Note:

As usual, my replies to comments aren't working again. I was here in physical therapy at least eight months. There were so many twisted complications, it would take many blog posts to attempt to explain. Insurance problems, VERY bad medical care, my continuous hemorrhaging arm due to a bad biopsy that nearly killed me. Whatever happens, it will be a JOY to escape from this toxic prison!

And yes, Quality Home Care offers in home physical therapy 😸

FOUL!!!

I'm in one of my notorious foul moods and don't know exactly why. I'm thoroughly tired of the endless battles of existence. I'm disgusted of being trapped here in this physical "therapy" prison. I'm becoming a hater of humanity. A possible misanthrope.

Now that I established that horrifying fact, I'll enchant you with a medical update (I've been writing them for the past two years, and they sicken me).

Psychotically depressed?

If you were trapped in this friggin' place for six months, I guaran-damn-tee you'd be suicidal.

People coming in and out of my room unannouced all day. Checking my vitals, plying me with pills, examining me, questioning me, gawking, showing up EXACTLY when I'm pis- - peeing in the urinal. That's an unmitigated joy.

I've had a fever for two days. All I did last night was shiver uncontrollably.

What about the radiation? Two wound care doctors showed up yesterday. The new one is a clown. The last thing I need is a visit with Bozo.

My "regular" wound care dr. rebandaged my arm, MUCH too tightly. The pain shoots down to my fingers.

She said the cancer is shrinking and it's not bleeding too much. Last night I put a pad under my arm and it wasn't leaking, like it always does.

We're supposed to wait a week or so, to see if the radiation is continually working.....

another interruption while I'm writing this.

So waiting, waiting, waiting waiting, endlessly perpetually waiting

In the meantime, I created a lot more autumn images......which I know will thrill the dire unimaginative.

I'll put them in my next post and I know you can't wait.

Boys and girls, if I didn't have this as a haphazard hobby, I'd be cutting my wrists....and I am NOT jesting.

You have your sweet begonias and ice cream socials.

I have nothing

Jon   👹👺    Foul

WHY?

Why? Why am I bothering to write a new post? Possibly to convince myself that I still have the ability to convey my thoughts, that I'm still reasonably rational - -

not senile yet, not...quite...dead.

Routine. My present existence is completely routine. Meals, meds, nurses, wound care, bed baths (holy sheeit), meals, meds, meds.

I must be a frickin' addict by now. At least with the pain pills, I'm no longer screaming with pain.

The past few days are muddled. I can't keep things in logical order.

Two days after I was moved to this new room (#609), the two Big Wig social workers ( one male, one female) who run this place, came into my room.

I hate it. They are always messengers of bad news.

Somber and icy, they announced that they're moving me to another room.

ME - always polite and congenial

lost my temper and spewed my disgust.

I flatly refused to be moved.

They looked dour but completely stunned.

Finally, I said "I don't give a crap what you do. Wheel the damn bed outside to the garden."

My exact words.

Several days later.....and I never heard from them again. I regret my outburst, yet I don't care. It's probably not the end.

The biopsy for the "non-cyst" on my arm? So far no results. The head nurses keep calling, and the biopsy place (whatever) keeps stalling.

I'm extremely worried.

Yesterday a nurse changed the bandages on my arm. The "non-cyst" started bleeding hard. My hospital gown, the sheets, and my pillow case were soaked. They had to change everything.

Nurse finished the bandages and left the room.

Ten minutes later, blood was streaming down my arm. The bandage was soaked. I was horrified. Grabbed a towel and put pressure on it, while struggling to press the "Help" buzzer.

Nurse (finally) returned. Had to change the bandages and reinforced the "non-cyst" with stronger bandages. So far no more blood.

Nothing unnerves me anymore. I'm used to be pummeled with crap.

How's Hospice?

They sent several social workers to ask me myriads of questions. I'm very good at answering and feigning the fact that I'm sane.

The problem with Hospice is that their sole goal is to make you comfortable until you croak.

They want you to die.

They are admittedly nice - - one of their nurses sees me twice a week.....and I still have the nurses here at Signature Health Care.

BUT - I'm no longer having physical therapy here. I guess the insurance no longer covers it.

Hell, I admittedly don't know what exactly is going on. My tired mind can't concieve all the red tape.

I think I have the option to lose Hospice and go home, back to the Quality Home Care nurses. But I desperately need physical therapy (which they provide).

I just hope I can keep my sanity for a little while longer....and hang on....

For several recent nights in a row, I've been having dreams that I can walk again. Joyous dreams!

 .....are they only dreams......?

Jon 🧡  dreaming

Top image

One of my AI creations. I know some of you are tired of it and don't like AI, but I plan to do several future posts about it.

If there is a future.

The fortune teller knows.....