MORE EXPLOSIONS

 

 

Those people who faithfully read my blog (all two of you) probably remember my post about the exploding biscuits. I'm talking about those inexpensive, easy-to-make cans of biscuit dough that you pop in the oven. I make them quite frequently.

The biscuit cans that I bought kept inexplicably exploding before I used them. Some of the cans were (slightly) out-dated, which I attributed to the volatile outbursts. 

SO - - -
I've lately been extremely cautious about out-dated cans. I check the dates carefully and use the biscuits before they expire.

All the cans in my refrigerator presently have late September (2021) expiration dates.

Imagine my surprise the other night when I heard a loud POW in the refrigerator. A can of biscuits exploded. A few hours later another can blew.

 

I generally don't scare easily, but these things are dangerous - and it's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to touch them.

I can't change brands, because the local supermarket here in Nowhereland only carries one brand (Save-a-Lot Supermarket only carries their brand of products - - there is no other choice - - it's kinda like living in the old Soviet Union). 

Thought about writing a letter to the company but I'm definitely not in the mood.

Thought about abstaining from cheap canned biscuits, but I'm a masochist.

There's no plausible resolution to this doughy tale of woe.

My life is presently an intricate network of perpetual unpleasantness -

ill health, mechanical malfunctions in the house, 15-foot-high "weeds" outside (NO exaggeration), wild animals nesting in the roof, mice, snakes, gnats, flies....I won't bother to mention the really bad stuff.

Am I complaining?
Naw, I'm singing a Happy Song. I'd get up and do a Happy Dance but my back hurts too much.

I desperately need to make an excursion to town. It was much too hot to go last week. Bringing frozen groceries home six zillion miles in a 250 degree car isn't a pleasant prospect.

This week there's been nothing but rain. Rain.
So I procrastinate. Repeatedly.
Maybe I'll go tomorrow. 

Rodents, anyone?

The mice finally got into my precious piano manuscripts. I couldn't believe it.

The cursed bastards have eaten through the Anton Rubinstein D minor Piano Concerto that I performed with orchestra in Los Angeles when I was twenty. 

Is nothing sacred?

 

Thank goodness I have two copies of this concerto.

This seems trivial to you.
It means a helluva lot to me.

Want some homemade wine, anyone?
And exploding biscuits.........??

 

Note:
The comment reply "thingie" isn't working on my blog, so I can't respond to your comments. I'll try again later.
This has happened several previous times.

THE CASE OF THE EXPLODING BISCUITS

 

 

 I think we're all familiar with the biscuits - - those supermarket biscuits that come in a canister-like container. You pop open the can, pop them in the oven, and they're ready in minutes.

Problem is - it's not exactly easy to pop open the canister. It takes a certain amount of skill, calculation, patience........and luck.

My Mom used to make these when I was a kid. I remember her forcefully and valiantly bashing the can against the edge of the kitchen counter until - after several attempts -  it finally cracked open.

These biscuits aren't exactly a gourmet delight, but they're cheap and easy to make (provided that you can open the can).
I like to eat them warm from the oven with butter and blackberry jam. Or strawberry jam. Or whatever.

The other week I stocked up on the biscuits during my shopping expedition to town. A few days later I was nearly shocked into oblivion when I opened the refrigerator.

One canister of biscuits had exploded - and I mean completely EXPLODED. There were raw biscuits strewn all over the fridge. I'd never seen anything like it. The biscuits weren't outdated and the refrigerator was working normally.
Why the heck did they blow up?

Please stay with me. There's more.

Yesterday I decided to make a batch of biscuits. When I opened the fridge, I discovered that another can was partially opened - but fortunately the biscuits didn't fly out.

 

So, I threw the opened can away and retrieved another can.
As I was leaning over the can and desperately trying strategic moves to get it opened -
IT SUDDENLY EXPLODED IN MY FACE!!

I'm not exaggerating. The entire can literally blew up and raw biscuits flew in my face, on the countertop, and on the floor!

Fortunately I was wearing glasses rather than my usual contact lenses. The glasses served to protect my eyes.

After I said a few things that would make Satan blush, I cleaned up the kitchen.
Then I carefully retrieved another can of biscuits and very very cautiously opened it - with success this time.

I don't scare easily, but these mysteriously exploding biscuits admittedly have me unnerved. Against my better judgement, I still plan on buying them.

Perhaps I should store them in an explosive-proof container - - and wear a helmet and safety goggles when opening them.