FALLEN ANGELS

 I made this video several years ago and was never satisfied with it. Yesterday I completely revised it. Of course, I'm still not satisfied......but that's my impossible nature.

The subject matter will undoubtedly irk some people and I can understand that. I don't expect anyone to fully identify with what I attempted to convey.

We would have to reverse time and travel back to the turbulent years of my wild and destructive youth - - when I haunted the midnight streets of Hollywood and L.A.....living in the hardcore underworld that harbors unholy secrets.

It was a world of good people who abandoned reality and took lethal detours that banished them to the unrelenting realms of hell. I lived in their company - - the druggies, the dealers, the male hustlers, seedy pimps and hookers......and those misfits who were merely addicted to delicious nightmares.....

We were all fallen angels.

I knew right from wrong. I had a Biblical upbringing. I was fully aware that every sin I comitted was a blasphemous act against God. But I craved adventure - - I was addicted to danger and (at that time) had an undeniable death wish.

I wouldn't expect anyone to understand. Today, I look back at those years with horror.....yet, I have absolutely no regrets. I'm glad I had unconventional experiences, and adventures that few people ever dared to imagine.

There is so much more I'd like to tell, perhaps to release the private demons.....I'm a complex enigma.

In the video, I'm remembering all those fallen angels that couldn't find any way to turn back.

Perhaps......just perhaps I was lucky.

Thanks for reading this,  Jon

Video is best viewed full screen and full volume

Music-

"Dark Spanish Symphony"

by Angelo Badalamenti

REMEMBER

It wasn't until yesterday morning - when I heard on the news it was Prince Charles' birthday - that I remembered it was also my mother's birthday. 

Somehow, things that were once important can get lost in the present cumbersome clutter of our daily lives.

I've written about my Mom many previous times on this blog - to the point where some may find it tedious - but I wanted to mention her again.  She passed away in December, 2009, and during the following years I've purposely tried to block out many memories - simply because it's the only way I was able to move on.

The distance of time has a way of  filtering our memories - expunging the negative and enhancing the positive - until an idealistic illusion replaces truth.

I can honestly say, without exaggeration, that my mother was an extraordinary woman: highly intelligent,  humble, compassionate, forgiving, honest to a fault. She was one of my closest confidants and -without any doubt - she was my anchor in a sea of chaos.

We shared many of the same interests. Mom was a brilliant pianist (and my first piano teacher). She was a voracious reader and loved literature, history, art, theater, ballet, opera.

Her only drawback (and one that we also both shared) was a complete lack of confidence and self esteem. She managed to hide this flaw admirably.

My memories of my mother are always tainted with an unbearable sadness knowing how much she suffered physical and emotional abuse from my violent father. During an era when that subject was largely suppressed, she bravely endured and suffered silently - always outwardly managing to project a normal and  beautiful image.

I might (reluctantly) add that, as I grew out of adolescence, I wasn't always the perfect son. I was battling an enormous amount of my own personal demons, and was largely intent on self-destruction.
The psychological wounds that my mother and I had endured from a lifetime of chaos left devastating effects.

After my father died in 2005, I took care of my Mom until her death in 2009. Those were our most peaceful years, during which we had time to rationally discuss many things.

I'm very thankful for that time we had together. 

Mom and I in later years.

This is one of my favorite photos, which was taken by my father. It had been raining and, just before he took the picture, a ray of sunshine came out.

 

AUTUMN

My previous post was too long, too personal, and perhaps too perplexing - yet, I felt a need to write it. Let's consider it a cathartic exercise - a purge of evil spirits.
Your comments were greatly appreciated.

Since autumn is my absolute favorite time of year, I want to give it a proper welcome.

Several people have assured me that today is the first day of autumn. According to my calendar, however, the autumnal equinox officially begins tomorrow. I think.....

At any rate, I'm rehashing a video that I made two years ago which reflects my autumnal soul. All the photos were taken here on my property, right near the house.

The music is  The Long March - - one of my ultra-favorite compositions by Vangelis
(his proper name is Evangelos Odysseas Papathanassiou, born in 1943). 

I hope this autumn will ignite the fire in your soul with beautiful moments and treasured memories.

Heck, I'm starting to sound like a Hallmark card.

Video is best viewed full-screen