IN THE MIDST OF AUGUST

 

 

Yesterday was Friday the 13th. I thought this portrait of Bosco was appropriate. Black cats don't bring bad luck. They bring mysticism and entertainment.
Hell, I had a myriad of bad luck long before Bosco was born (and it persists....persists....)

Everyone is undoubtedly sick of my political posts and tedious critiques of the recent Olympics. You'd rather read funny, uplifting posts.

Well, my funny days are officially over. I'm definitely not in a funny mood. If you want entertainment, go to the Kim Jong-un website.

As for politics - - I get a sadistic high when I torture the  hardcore liberals - because they can dish out the crap but can't take it. They're not used to receiving backlash.

I'm in a hostile, fighting mood. So shoot me.

Change of subject (before you decide to leave)

How would you like to wake up in the morning and see your front "yard" looking like this?

The brush is ten feet high due to endless endless rain. It's IMPOSSIBLE to control.

I can't find a decent brush cutter. Most of them are nothing more than glorified weed whackers.

So I'm tackling the jungle single-handed with long-handled clipping shears and a chain saw.

It's difficult to discern my handiwork in the above photo. The right side is what I've cut. The left side is what needs to be cut.
It's a slow and torturous process - especially with my ravaged back and crippled spine. And the broiling heat.

I FINALLY bought a pair of work boots. If I had them six years ago I probably wouldn't have fallen on the ice and destroyed my spine.

They're comfortable and easy to put on. And they'll dissuade the snakes.

Do you remember the snake that I discovered on my bookcase a few weeks ago (or was it a few months ago?).

Well, he (she?) completely disappeared and I never saw him again. I did a very thorough search throughout the house.......but no snake.

I figure he must have slithered out the same way that he came in (wherever that was....).

Gnats, anyone?

Thousands and thousands of gnats everywhere. Extremely aggressive gnats.
I can't even eat a decent meal. I have to keep EVERYTHING completely covered and sneak quick bites before the gnats get it.

I've found gnats in my nachos (I'm not kidding), gnats floating in my iced tea.

The best way to kill gnats is with bowls of vinegar. They love vinegar and will quickly dive in the bowl - never to emerge again (I use plain white vinegar).

Add one or two drops (no more) of dishwashing liquid into the vinegar. This will assure that the gnats won't escape (that might just be an old wives tale, but I do it anyway).

Use OLD bowls that you never want to use again. I usually use old pet food dishes,

These are bowls of gnats that I caught only within a few hours. I presently have three bowls of vinegar in different rooms.

It looks completely disgusting, but the vinegar really works.

And meanwhile......
Kitzee is outside on the front porch, savoring the lazy midst of August.

JOY IN THE WILDERNESS

 

So, how has my life been going lately?

Let's put it this way: the unmitigated   joy of living in the wilderness is so intense that I usually keep the blissful details to myself - in order not to alarm anyone. 

To fully describe my August adventures (so far) would be excruciatingly long, so I'll start with something simple and uncomplicated - - like the gnats.

Every August, for the four long years that I've lived here, there has been a mercilessly unceasing influx of gnats. I'm not talking a few gnats for a few days. I'm talking one of the plagues of Egypt.

The gnats completely and thoroughly infiltrate the house and there's no way to stop them. They descend upon everything - food, trash cans, sinks, tables, countertops - they thrive in the cat's food and litter boxes. 

To make matters worse, they are EXTREMELY aggressive - attacking my face, racing up my nose, trying to get into my mouth.
It's nearly impossible to eat a meal. I have to keep the food covered while I'm trying to take a bite. And I keep a small fan on the table in the feeble hope of blowing them away.

I left a cantaloupe on the kitchen counter overnight and they descended upon it with the unholy enthusiasm of Aesop's feast.
 It was the only analogy I could think of.

They scurry along the pages of books while I'm reading in bed, and if I happen to fall asleep they buzz in my ears - rudely interrupting erotic dreams.

Their unrelenting presence and indefatigable persistence is enough to make a grown man cry. I speak from experience.

As I'm writing this post, they're playing hopscotch on the computer keys and laughing at the table fan that I have on to dissuade them.

A frantic search on the Internet revealed one ploy to fight back: vinegar.
A bowl of vinegar (with a few added drops of dishwashing liquid) attracts them like flies on a cow pie. Or Democrats on a fake collusion. Sorry - I couldn't resist.

I usually place a bowl of vinegar in (nearly) every room. It doesn't completely alleviate the agony of the gnats, but it does decrease the attendance at their Bacchanalia.

 This is a bowl of vinegar (an old sherbet container) that I had out for only an hour, and it attracted scores of gnats.

I'm going to divide this post into two parts because it's getting kinda long.

Brace yourselves, boys and girls.
The gnats are going to look like a ride at Disneyland, compared to the next horrifying tale I'm going to tell you.

You won't believe what happened to me these past few days.
Stay tuned for the dramatic (hair-raising) conclusion. Coming soon!