CONTINUING SAGA

I'm still here, hopelessly ensconed in an unavoidable, relentress trap - that seems worse than any conceivable nightmare.

I will eventually convey every (almost unbelievable) detail. I'm almost astonished what I've been through - - and what's ahead. I almost completely lost it several (?) days ago when I freaked out from horrendous side effects from a so-called "muscle relaxer" they were plying me with.

I'll name all the drugs in a future post.

This had deadly side effects for "older" people. I was so tired I slept all day. When I awoke I was completely disoriented. I couldn't think or hardly speak, but the words that came out of my mouth were strange and incoherent. I lost my memory - - couldn't remember my address or phone number, or the name of the facility where I'm staying now. My appetite vanished. I fell asleep in front of the dinner tray. My mouth was so dry I couldn't swallow. My hands trembled. My muscles were stiff and usless. I truly knew I was going to die. I wasn't functioning at all. This is no exaggeration.

Through the power of prayer I had the strength to pull myself out. Managed to start talking with the nurse who slowly got me to comprehend things. The "pill" was removed from my meds.

My cognitive functions are at least partially resumed. Much more in future posts.

Jon, with love  ❤️

Comments are disabled for this post. I know that all of you are there and truly care. That means absolutely everything.

Top image is an Easter leftover.

LOOKING BACK IN HORROR

 

First of all, I truly dislike turning this blog into a boring, self-serving medical journal - - yet, my health issues are overshadowing everything else in my mundane existence. I feel some obligation to keep  documenting my physical and mental progress - - or lack of it.

I'm sure it's often difficult to discern exactly what's going on with me. Is it my back and spine, my useless right leg, the "pressure" sores on my butt, the edema and blog clots? Congestive heart failure? I suppose it's everything combined.....but there's a lot more to this.

Yesterday (Thursday?) was a monumental day. I had the opportunity to see all of my medical records from 2023 when I was desperately ill - - and was able to discuss everything with a group of nurses, doctors, and physical therapists who know me well.

What I learned was not exactly surprising, yet definitely horrifying. I knew that I was very seriously ill in 2023 but never realized the profound effect that it had on everyone concerned - - in Cookeville Medical Center and here at Signature Health Care.

Two major things have come to light. First, all the doctors and staff at Cookeville in 2023 were secretly certain that I would never survive my ordeal with cancer, but thought it was best not to tell me.

Second, when I eventually pulled through the ordeal, everyone was absolutely astonished with how strong I was - - physically and mentally.

I don't take any credit for that. I fully believe that my strength came from a divine source above.

The cancer was extensive, with a malignant tumor right by my main artery, which made an operation impossible. I would bleed to death.

This caused constant major hemorrhages (I wouldn't dare describe what I went through, it's too shocking). I lost so much blood that it caused a heart attack. A cauterization was employed.

In July 2023, as a last resort, I was sent to Centennial Medical Center in Nashville. The doctors there were somber and curt. They had no hope and advized me to go home in the care of Hospice.

Cookeville attempted a final ploy. Seven weeks of chemo and radiation.

Two and a half months in the hospital - - over three months in physical therapy.

When I was discharged from therapy in November, 2023, I wasn't fully cured. I learned that the staff kept checking the obituaries to see if I survived.

My latest cat scans and pet scans showed no trace of cancer.

My strength, courage, and dignity has impressed everyone - - except me. I've done nothing heroic, nothing special. I simply survived.....thus far.

And it wasn't easy.

Jon  ❤️

One thing is certain - -

The trials and tribulations never end. The battle always remains uphill. Happy endings mostly occur in fairy tales......

ONE YEAR AGO

 

It's been one year ago, June 1st, when I began the longest journey of my life. The story is so bizarre, muddled, and frightening that I'm hesitant to attempt putting it into words. (brevity seems the best route, but it was never my forte).

I had a tumor dangerously near a main artery, which caused profuse bleeding every day. I often hemorrhaged, which eventually caused my heart to fail. There were severe frequent incidents where I had crushing pain and burning in my chest, arms, and jaw. I knew it was  heart attacks from loss of blood.

By June the 1st I was too weak to walk across a room. I was having dizzy spells and strange illusions. I had collapsed into bed and couldn't get up. Without a word of exaggeration, I knew I was dying. I summoned the pitiful  strength I had left and staggered out to the front porch. I managed to call 911 on my cell phone....

.....then I passed out on the porch. My cat Bosco stayed with me until the ambulance came.

They took me to the nearest hospital, which was in Livingston. By then I was gasping for breath in and out of consciousness. Livingston is a small facility and they couldn't do much. I was quickly transferred to  ICU at the Cookeville Medical Center.

The next few days were a complete blur. I had lost so much blood that the doctors were astonished. The tumor was malignant and inoperable because of the artery.

Thus began my extraordinary journey. Over two and a half months in Cookeville Medical Center - - where I had cauterization, colon surgery, and seven weeks of chemo and radiation. Then over three months of physical rehab in Jamestown.

When I started physical therapy I had lost forty lbs. and was too weak to get out of bed.

Today, a year later, I'm partially wheelchair-bound but can walk easily with the aid of a walker. And I gained over forty lbs. My latest CT scan was good.....but I have congestive heart failure and edema.

It's been one heckuva grueling journey.

To say that I have mixed emotions would be an understatement. I was initially told that I would die.

I'm still around a year later, physically and mentally ravaged but greatful for many things.

This ordeal taught me how to have patience and maintain a semblance of dignity through difficult times. I learned to have compassion and tolerance for others. There are countless people going through far worse things than I did.

Most of all, I discovered that there are many kind and generous people who genuinely care and are willing to help. For that I am eternally greatful.

I learned to have humility and abandon my selfishness.

I'm thankful every day for the blessings and mercy bestowed upon me by our Divine Creator.

Wait a minute - - I don't want to get too sappy and sentimental.

Despite the blessings, I am very often frustrated and deeply depressed. I'm no longer the person that I once was. Physically I'm often helpless and annoyingly weak. Mentally, my mind is a non-stop rollercoaster. My mood changes are alarmingly erratic.

In retrospect, I have always been an enigma, a complex entity, a mass of condradictions. These intriguing parts of my nature can't be changed.

I'm not special, nor am I intrinsically strong. I don't consider my ordeal as  inspirational. I'm merely a flawed mortal, hanging onto the fragile thread of life - - doing the best that I can.

Jon