NIGHTMARE

On Valentine's Day I already knew things were going bad, but wasn't prepared for the nightmare yet to come.
I had vowed to take a hiatus from blogging, but decided to make (and post) a Valentine's Day video - just to confirm my existence. Sounds strange, but , living in the wilderness, I have few connections to the outside world.

V Day was frigid and icy and there were at least six power outages in that one day. They were short in duration, but served as a prelude to future trouble.

I was really dreading the coming week because the weather prediction was dismal: ice, snow, freezing temperatures. I'm always apprehensive about winter weather. I live in the coldest, most drafty house imaginable. Even with the (faulty) furnace on, I shiver constantly. And I am foolishly unprepared for power outages.

The Big Power Outage occurred on Sunday (V Day) night, just after sunset. The nights are excruciatingly long and bitterly cold. I had nothing more than a few candles and a flashlight that hardly works.

I managed to call the power company and report the outage - - just before my landline phone went dead.
I still have my cell phone (thank God) but it's not always reliable.

I knew it was cold, but hadn't realized that it would get down to 10 degrees (Fahrenheit). There are no words to describe what it's like to be alone in the wilderness - with no heat, no hot water, no stove, no lights. And the darkness is indescribable. Incredible silence all night. No owls, no coyotes. At around 3:00 a.m. there were some gunshots. I was actually glad, because it confirmed the existence of another human.

Monday was a freezing nightmare that I hardly remember. When I awoke there was frost (yes, frost!) on my mustache and my breath was coming out in thick white clouds.

It was much too cold to get out of bed but I managed to feed the cats and make another call (cell phone) to report the power outage (you have to leave a message - - no contact with a "live" person).
Since the stove wasn't working (it's electric) I had a quick meal of pretzels and cookies.

Monday night was beyond endurance. It was 7 degrees (seven). I lighted two candles in my room and snuggled with the cats under a pile of covers. Even with cats and covers it was unbearably cold. I felt completely helpless and my mind wandered in evil places where I didn't want it to go.
I knew that if I spent much more time in such a frigid environment I was going to die.

I thought of calling my cousin Nancy but didn't want to bother her (she's helped me more times in the past than I could ever recount).

I tried to stay awake but fell asleep around dawn. On Tuesday it was snowing and the daytime "high" temperature was 12 degrees (twelve, Fahrenheit). I began getting terrifying aura migraines (where I lose part of my vision and see bright flashing lights).
I was feeling very lethargic and my mind was truly slipping away. I swear to God - with no exaggeration - I knew I was freezing to death.
I managed to make one more desperate call to the power company.
Then all I could do was stay in bed and pray.

Just before dusk on Tuesday evening I was thinking about moving my mattress from my bed into an interior room where it might be a little "warmer" (my bedroom is the coldest room in the house).

As if by a miracle, the power suddenly went back on. I managed to get up and put on an extra layer of clothes. I turned on the furnace, a space heater, and the stove oven. I made a cup of tea  and warmed myself by the stove for about ten minutes.
Later I managed to make a light meal with a cup of coffee. I was going to have a can of soda, but all the cans on the shelf were partially frozen!!!

It's presently Tuesday night. I haven't yet gone to bed. I'm terrified that there might be another power outage.
The cats are snuggled on my bed with a nearby space heater. The furnace is still on.

All I can do is hope I can get through the night.

I didn't edit this. Excuse any typos.

I made it through the night. It's 10:00 am Wednesday and the power is still on. Another storm predicted for tonight with more snow and ice.

 

NIGHTMARE IN THE DAYLIGHT

First of all, I want to thank everyone from the depths of my heart (yes, I do have one) for the birthday greetings. There were no death threats, no insults. I'd call it a resounding success.

Now that I've generated a calm and amicable mood, I'm going to expunge it with a description of my daylight nightmare. Actually, my entire life has been a nightmare in varying degrees - but some days are worse than others. Today was worse than others.

First of all, anyone who's read my blog for any length of time knows how much I dread driving into town. Miles and miles of narrow, twisting mountain roads that test the limit of my endurance and make one hour seem like twelve.

I limit my going-to-town excursions  to once or twice a month - - and beforehand I have to psyche myself up like a suicide bomber. 

There was no way I could avoid going to town today. I'm getting low on supplies and was completely (and I mean completely) out of cat food. Not to mention the fact that an arctic blast is due to arrive late tonight, which will render the roads icy.
It was now or never.

I got up rather late and stalled around, but eventually got dressed - despite lack of sleep and ample back pain. I dragged myself out to the car and plowed through the 10-foot weeds (the frosts haven't killed them) to the dreaded road.

I was making remarkably good progress, until I saw all the blinking red and amber lights ahead. Colored lights never blink on this road, unless I've had too many beers...or there is an alien landing.

That was supposed to be funny. I just thought I'd point that out.

Directly ahead, entirely blocking the narrow road, were three (three, count 'em) gigantic work trucks equipped with what looked like steam shovels. They were moving rocks and heavy branches - all along the roadway and traveling about 1/8th of a mile an hour. Possibly even slower.

Holy shit! I won't get to town until Easter!

That was my first thought. My second thought is unprintable.

Time dragged on  as we crawled at a pace slower than a lame snail. Within twenty minutes, the traffic that had gathered in back of me looked like it was lined up to Memphis.

Impatience and irrationality are traits that I inherited from my father. I was getting desperate and decided to take drastic measures.

Despite the fact that there was a dangerous curve ahead, I grasped the steering wheel, crudely calculated my chances for survival, and inched my way between two of the trucks. Then I stepped on the gas pedal and screeched  past the obstacles and around the blind curve - leaving the astonished truck drivers and the line of vehicles in the dust. 

This inane story is getting incredibly long for no discernible reason, but agonizingly verbose descriptions are part of my charm.

Since I was completely broke, my first stop in town was the bank - not to rob it but rather to make a legal withdrawal. My heart sank when I saw that the parking lot was empty. Then the horrifying truth dawned on me.

It's Wednesday. And it's after noon!!!

For some odd reason that I've never quite figured out: the bank closes at noon on Wednesdays, along with the post office, the library, and all other similar places.

It has something to do with local religious practices - - which is why I staunchly believe that organized religion should be banned. It's bad enough that these hillbilly yokels took away our booze. 

All I could think of is my three starving cats....and the grim fact that I drove all the way into this godforsaken town for absolutely nothing!

Fortunately, I did have twelve dollars in my pocket. I went to Walmart and bought a big bag of Purina (that's cat food, for those of you in Guam).

As I angrily drove back home, I encountered the same three annoying work trucks and the same endless line of impatient traffic. 

After suppressing road rage and the intense urge to commit murder, I concentrated on plans to construct a still and make my own moonshine.

There's no logical end to this impossibly long story. I wrote it simply to unleash my pent-up hostilities.
It's now Wednesday night. The temperature is dropping rapidly. And I don't plan on going back to town until Monday.