IT MIGHT BE CHRISTMAS

I'm so cold and confused that I hardly know what day it is. Christmas? Heck, I wish it were the Fourth of July. This Arctic winter wonderland is killing me. 

On the bright side, it's slowly warming (?) up. The temperature is no longer sub-zero. It's presently 16 degrees (Fahrenheit). Last night (Christmas Eve) it was zero.
The space heater in my bedroom warms the room sufficiently. I have two heaters in the kitchen, but it's still cold.

Despite my dismal situation, I was pleasantly surprised by two recent things:

1. I survived the very worst and coldest days of the winter storm, in this drafty shack with no central heat.

2. I was genuinely surprised at the many people who were worried about me. Your concern means a lot more than you'll ever know.

I just realized that I haven't made the harrowing journey to town in about two months. I've been ordering all my supplies from Walmart (FedEx delivery people must be exhausted from coming here).

It's been a challenge, since Walmart doesn't deliver perishable food to my rural area. The only milk I have is canned evaporated milk and goat's milk. I bake my own bread, pies, and tortillas. 

Since I can't get fresh meat, I recently ordered some imported German sausage from another company that (miraculously) delivers to my area. It is absolutely delicious - - but expensive.

My "Christmas" dinner today consisted of sausage, green beans, cranberries, and sweet potatoes. And a pumpkin pie that I made yesterday.

I also make a lot of homemade soup. My favorite soup is chicken and vegetables. I generally use corn, carrots, and green beans. Since I don't have any chicken, I use Tyson's canned chicken white meat - which is perfect in soup.

Gonna make more soup tonight,

This post is boring....at least I think so.

Here are a few recent photos.

 

Colored lights and candles. I took these pics in the dark without a camera flash.

Not exactly Christmasy, but I think it's beautiful. I got this at an auction in Texas. It's a prayer box made in 1885 from an old New England church. The pieta statue is made of porcelain.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

recorded in San Angelo, Texas

MUDDLED FRAGMENTS

 Too cold to write. My mind is a distortion of muddled fragments. My soul is lost somewhere in a netherworld of fractured ice.

Bleak, sunless, mist-shrouded days that shiver with winter's wicked breath. Frigid nights that tremble with the death howl of icy winds.
This is my existence.

Tonight will be brutally cold. Near zero. That's brutally cold for Tennessee. That's brutally cold for fools like myself who live in the wilderness in flimsy houses with no insulation and non-working furnaces. If there are no power outages I'll be all right. If there's a power outage tonight..........sayonara!

The most disturbing part is that no one will miss me. Not a goddamn soul.
Am I being over-dramatic?
Not in the least.

Here's my latest act of idiocy.

When I went shopping in town last week, I left some of the newly-acquired supplies in the car, because I was too lazy to drag them up the hill into the house.

Yesterday I finally decided to retrieve them and - - - drum roll here to intensify the suspense....

the doors and trunk of the car were frozen shut! There was absolutely no way to get them open.
So, I'll have to wait until things thaw out.
Which might not be until June or July. 

Another thing happened when I went to town last week. I thought I lost three hundred dollars. I had three hundred bucks (cash) in an envelope and couldn't find it anywhere. I figured it was lost forever.

Then - two days later - I found it at home, on the floor, behind a shelf. It somehow must have fallen off the shelf.
Anyway, it was a rare happy ending.

I'm glad the mice didn't find it, or they would have used it to make a nest. 

What? No photos??

There was a very rare sunny day about a week ago (maybe less than a week - - I can't remember). I took a few photos.

 

NIGHTMARE

On Valentine's Day I already knew things were going bad, but wasn't prepared for the nightmare yet to come.
I had vowed to take a hiatus from blogging, but decided to make (and post) a Valentine's Day video - just to confirm my existence. Sounds strange, but , living in the wilderness, I have few connections to the outside world.

V Day was frigid and icy and there were at least six power outages in that one day. They were short in duration, but served as a prelude to future trouble.

I was really dreading the coming week because the weather prediction was dismal: ice, snow, freezing temperatures. I'm always apprehensive about winter weather. I live in the coldest, most drafty house imaginable. Even with the (faulty) furnace on, I shiver constantly. And I am foolishly unprepared for power outages.

The Big Power Outage occurred on Sunday (V Day) night, just after sunset. The nights are excruciatingly long and bitterly cold. I had nothing more than a few candles and a flashlight that hardly works.

I managed to call the power company and report the outage - - just before my landline phone went dead.
I still have my cell phone (thank God) but it's not always reliable.

I knew it was cold, but hadn't realized that it would get down to 10 degrees (Fahrenheit). There are no words to describe what it's like to be alone in the wilderness - with no heat, no hot water, no stove, no lights. And the darkness is indescribable. Incredible silence all night. No owls, no coyotes. At around 3:00 a.m. there were some gunshots. I was actually glad, because it confirmed the existence of another human.

Monday was a freezing nightmare that I hardly remember. When I awoke there was frost (yes, frost!) on my mustache and my breath was coming out in thick white clouds.

It was much too cold to get out of bed but I managed to feed the cats and make another call (cell phone) to report the power outage (you have to leave a message - - no contact with a "live" person).
Since the stove wasn't working (it's electric) I had a quick meal of pretzels and cookies.

Monday night was beyond endurance. It was 7 degrees (seven). I lighted two candles in my room and snuggled with the cats under a pile of covers. Even with cats and covers it was unbearably cold. I felt completely helpless and my mind wandered in evil places where I didn't want it to go.
I knew that if I spent much more time in such a frigid environment I was going to die.

I thought of calling my cousin Nancy but didn't want to bother her (she's helped me more times in the past than I could ever recount).

I tried to stay awake but fell asleep around dawn. On Tuesday it was snowing and the daytime "high" temperature was 12 degrees (twelve, Fahrenheit). I began getting terrifying aura migraines (where I lose part of my vision and see bright flashing lights).
I was feeling very lethargic and my mind was truly slipping away. I swear to God - with no exaggeration - I knew I was freezing to death.
I managed to make one more desperate call to the power company.
Then all I could do was stay in bed and pray.

Just before dusk on Tuesday evening I was thinking about moving my mattress from my bed into an interior room where it might be a little "warmer" (my bedroom is the coldest room in the house).

As if by a miracle, the power suddenly went back on. I managed to get up and put on an extra layer of clothes. I turned on the furnace, a space heater, and the stove oven. I made a cup of tea  and warmed myself by the stove for about ten minutes.
Later I managed to make a light meal with a cup of coffee. I was going to have a can of soda, but all the cans on the shelf were partially frozen!!!

It's presently Tuesday night. I haven't yet gone to bed. I'm terrified that there might be another power outage.
The cats are snuggled on my bed with a nearby space heater. The furnace is still on.

All I can do is hope I can get through the night.

I didn't edit this. Excuse any typos.

I made it through the night. It's 10:00 am Wednesday and the power is still on. Another storm predicted for tonight with more snow and ice.

 

WHITE

 

A tangle of wicked winter - - more ice than snow, more branches than sky. Frigid mists that have taken up permanent residence  in the shelter of the forest. The sunless days are bland, monochromatic, void of color. Winter white.

Sightless phantoms gather in the dead of night to ride on ice-encrusted gusts of wind, and shriek with devious laughter as they shake the timid house and rattle thin windows. 

And I yearn for the rescue of a spring that never comes, the impossible promise of rebirth and rejuvenation. The salvation of blossoms and leaves lingering on an unattainable horizon that taunt me with the possibility of a thaw, while I shiver in a prison of ice.

                                       Jon, shivering
                                       in a poetic mode

 

DEEP FREEZE

 morning fog

In all my (many) years of blogging, I don't think I ever began a post with good news. It's beyond the realms of my pessimistic character.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, hang onto your wigs and dentures. I'm going to begin with some good news.

Now - for those two unhappy Bozos who abandoned my blog because I'm "depressing" - - aren't you ashamed of yourselves??

I fixed my furnace today! I finally have heat during the biggest cold front of the season! 

So, why the hell didn't you have heat, Jon?

Settle down, Kemosabe, and I'll tell my excruciatingly long tale of woe.


Several weeks ago my water heater and furnace stopped working - almost on the same day. It happened during a very mild spell, when the weather was unseasonably warm.

It also happened when I was having extremely bad health problems (and other negative issues). I wasn't in the mood to fix things.
I always attempt to fix things myself before calling for professional help.

The water heater needs a new thermostat. I'll buy one next time I go to town.
The furnace was a much bigger problem. Without going into long details, I was (VERY) afraid that it might start a fire.
So, instead of attempting to fix it, I simply procrastinated......

.......until a BIG cold front suddenly blew in last weekend. Strong icy winds arrived, and with it came a Big Power Outage (capitalized for emphasis).
The temperature dropped quickly and drastically.

Let me interrupt this breathtaking tale to say that my furnace and kitchen stove are powered by electricity.
So, I couldn't fix the furnace. And I couldn't cook a meal.

For the sake of gratuitous atmosphere, let me also say how INCREDIBLY DARK it is here in the wilderness at night with no electricity.

And while I'm on a roll, I want to reiterate the fact that this is the COLDEST house I ever lived in. It's like being in an igloo with the air conditioner on full blast.

On Sunday the daytime temperature outside was 18 degrees (Fahrenheit, for those of you in Uruguay). The thermometer inside the house read 20 degrees!

The power was finally restored around noon, but the furnace still wasn't working.

It was so cold that I could hardly function. I and my two cats went into my bedroom. I brought along two space heaters and an electric blanket - - and we hunkered down for the rest of the day...and night.

Sunday night the temperature dropped to 10 degrees F. and the back door was frozen shut. I had to keep getting up periodically to make sure the water pipes didn't freeze.
If it wasn't for the space heaters and electric blanket, I think my cats and I would have been dead (no lie).
Thank God there wasn't another power outage!! 

This post is getting too long.
I know you're riveted to your rockers with excitement and breathless anticipation......

.....but I'll be merciful and cut to the chase.

Late on Monday afternoon I finally fixed the furnace and heat was restored!!!
My intense jubilation knew no bounds.

Even my cats rejoiced - - once they started to thaw out.

I cooked a real meal on the stove and made a hot cup of tea. Then I (and the cats) crawled into bed and watched videos.

My problems aren't completely over, of course. I still have to fix the water heater, evict the wild animals that are nesting in the roof and under the house, cut the 15-foot-high brush that has completely overtaken my property, clean the endless piles of junk in the garage, work on my car to make sure it still runs, fix the broken latch on my mailbox, fix an improperly installed deadbolt on the front door (courtesy of the previous owners), and fix about a dozen things inside the house - -

- - - with my bad back, painful hip, injured knee, and irregular heart palpitations - - -

But hell, at least I've got heat.
I'm happy.

 

IT COULD HAVE BEEN SNOW

It could have been snow. I'm not sure, really. All I know is that on Monday night the temperature plummeted to 10 degrees (that's Fahrenheit, for those of you in Oslo). Rain quickly turned to ice and by dawn the windows were frosted and the doors were nearly frozen shut.

 When I cautiously crept out onto the front porch the "yard" looked like this:

 I always put "yard" in quotes, because it isn't really a yard. It's an unnerving force of nature.

Although it was difficult for my muddled mind to accept the fact that this is a premature onset of winter, the daytime "high" temperature of 20 degrees eventually convinced me.

Frigid temperatures usually attack Tennessee in January. Or February. I've never seen ice floes and penguins in early November. I was completely unprepared. 

On Tuesday night I stayed up until way after dawn, to make sure the water pipes didn't freeze.

The first winter that I lived here, one of the frozen water pipes burst. I had to go down an icy hill to access the water meter and turn it off. I slipped on the ice, re-injured an old spinal injury, and was in agony for a year. That's why I'm still in pain and nearly crippled today. 

I'm dreading to see what my next heating bill is going to be. This house is colder than a snowman's kiss, and I kept the furnace blasting so the two cats (and I) wouldn't turn into   popsicles. 
I usually try to be very frugal when using the furnace, but as soon as I turn it on my bill quadruples. 

Inspired by the Polar temperatures, I made a big pot of quick, cheap, homemade soup. I use potatoes, onions, and vegetables (this time I used corn). And milk and butter.   
And if I happen to have ham, 
bacon, or clams, it's always a good addition.

Something just reminded me that we should never begin a sentence with a conjunction.  

Ready and willing to photographically document anything that happens around here, I ventured onto the back porch.

There wasn't really much to document except dying leaves and frosty weeds (and icicles hanging from my ass)....
but I'll share some pictures anyway - -
even though I'm fascinating  enough without visuals.
Am I smirking sarcastically? Naw.

These extremely tall trees by the back porch are my favorites, but every time there are strong winds I pray that they won't blow down and clobber the house.

It kinda looks like I live in an Alpine fantasy instead of a hillbilly hell, doesn't it?
Sorry - cold weather makes me say strange things.

BTW - the very first photo on this post is my autograph on the snow-covered car. 


I think I finally corrected the typos.

THAW

S.O.S. etched on an icy window

Well, I survived.
In realistic retrospect I don't know if I'm glad or disappointed.

I'm not exactly in the mood to go into the bone-chilling details, but I'll give a (quick?) recap. 

The temperature dropped to 9 degrees (Fahrenheit) on Monday night. I knew there was no possibility of sleeping in my bedroom, since it's the coldest room in the house. It doesn't need a heater. It needs an exorcist.

By dusk it was so bitterly cold that I took the mattress off my bed and dragged it into a small interior room which contains one of my pianos, a desk, and some bookcases. 

I piled blankets on the mattress and plugged in the tiny, El Cheapo Walmart heater.
Heat was minimal (at best) but it was better than nothing (almost).

I crawled into bed at 7:00 p.m.


The two cats burrowed into the covers and we snuggled together in one cozy (and uncomfortable) cocoon. I had to periodically get up all night to make sure the water pipes didn't freeze.

I was overjoyed to see (rare) sunlight at dawn, but it seemed even colder than it was overnight. I felt so sick (and cold) that I went back to bed.

While I was in Shivering Dreamland, loud knocking on the front door woke me up.

It was the heating repair guy - along with a second heating repair guy.

Fast Forward
The furnace is in worse shape than I initially thought: burned-out parts, worn-out components. They replaced some things and got it working. It doesn't yet heat to full-capacity, but it's a VAST improvement from having no heat at all.

They'll return in the near future (hopefully) to replace another part and install a new thermostat.
I know how to replace thermostats. I successfully did it in my Texas house, but I figured it's better to leave it to the "experts".

Anyway, I finally have heat again. And I'm delighted. It's Wednesday morning and only 14 degrees Fahrenheit as I'm writing this.

My cat Scratch (also known as Kitzee), sleeping on my legs last night.

THANK YOU for your comments on my previous post!!!

THAW

And suddenly a blinding light burst through the darkness - melting the ice, rousing the birds, distributing a feast of warmth to the desperate and needy.

I emerged from my burrow, shed two of my three layers of clothes, and suddenly remembered that - somewhere beyond winter - is a soothing promise of spring.

If you look carefully at the above photo, on the lower right - below the burst of sun - is a tiny glimpse of the corner of the back porch.
I mentioned this only because I knew it would thrill you.

 
 My cat Scratch (also known as Kitzee) found a rare patch of sunlight and basked in it - rolling around and showing off.

I'm definitely not in a rolling mood. This past frozen week was filled with ill health, annoying anxiety attacks, and bouts of abysmal depression - not necessarily from the cold weather, but from life in general and all the unpleasant complications it rudely presents.

But that's an old story, which I've been regurgitating too often.

How about a glimpse of my back yard - - which is an unattractive jumble of naked trees and scrawny semi-evergreens.

 I'm writing this - not because I have anything interesting to say, but because I felt a need to validate my existence - which at times seems to be slipping away without my knowledge or permission.

AN HOUR LOST IS NEVER REGAINED

 The recent damnable but inevitable clock change took me by surprise this time around. I had completely forgotten about it.

Fortunately, I was prepared. I refused to turn my clocks back an hour last fall - - so consequently I didn't have to turn them ahead this time.

Springing an hour ahead means that we lost an hour, doesn't it? Hell, if I subtracted all the precious hours I lost in my life (for one reason or another) I'd be timeless.
Ponder that for awhile. It might get profound.

I've been under such an enormous amount of stress lately (for endlessly complicated reasons that I won't go into) that I've been plagued with panic attacks and dizzy spells. Nothing new here. I've suffered from similar anxieties my entire life.

Last Friday morning, when I first got out of bed, I was seized by a combination dizzy spell and panic attack - which was compounded by the fact that I  didn't have my glasses or contact lenses, so I couldn't see a damn thing.

I unceremoniously crashed into a bookcase and everything came tumbling down: cheap Chinese vases, brass trinkets from India.....and, of course, books. A ton (or so it seemed) of dust-covered books that I hadn't read in years.

I was hit in the head with the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam. 
Lying there dazed amongst the clutter, I decided that it could have been worse. I could have been clobbered by Ayn Rand or Dostoevsky.

Fortunately nothing was broken - - except my pride...and perhaps my will to live.
The three cats gathered 'round and looked surprised.

As if my poor excuse for a life wasn't tainted with enough problems, the almost-springlike weather has vanished and winter has returned with a vengeance. Howling winds, bitter cold, ice, and a semblance of snow.

I desperately needed to get to my mailbox this morning. The accumulating ice, frozen mud, impenetrable slush, and falling snow made it impossible to use the car.
So I walked. As usual. It was frigid and beyond miserable. By the time I crawled back up the mountain to my shack, I was nearly frozen and on the verge of passing out.

Safely (??) back inside, I suddenly realized that I couldn't feel my feet. I pried my muddy boots off carefully, hoping that a collection of frozen toes wouldn't tumble out.
They didn't.

In the muddled void of my shivering contemplation (whatever that means), I realized that losing an hour might not be a bad thing after all. It will bring me an hour closer to July, when hopefully the ice will thaw out.

A view this morning from my back porch.

P.S.

I'm way behind in reading blogs lately. But I'm thinking of you. 

GRIM REALITY CHECK

While making the infuriatingly endless drive into town yesterday, I suddenly had the urge to end it all by deliberately plunging over a cliff.

The only thing that stopped me was the knowledge of my life-long persistent streak of bad luck.
I wouldn't instantly die.
I'd break my neck, arms, and legs....and live. 
My nose would be broken, my front teeth knocked out.
And I wouldn't be rescued for a week or two because no one would see my car.

I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist.

I chose yesterday for my excursion to town because it was the first day that the temperature soared above freezing. I think it was 33 degrees (Fahrenheit, for those of you in New Delhi). 

There were impressive displays of icicles on the shadowy cliffs along the way, but unfortunately I didn't bring a camera.
The header photo on this post was taken when I first moved here. It pales in comparison with yesterday's icicles but at least it gives you some idea.

My visit to town was remarkably uneventful this time - except for the annoying fact that all the shelves and items in the supermarket were inexplicably rearranged - which completely confounded me and compelled me to waste precious time looking for things. 

I never did find the pancake mix, or jams and jellies, or canned chili, or - most important - flour tortillas. I can't exist without my burritos.
And - NO, I wasn't in the mood to hunt down a store employee and beg for assistance. 

The biggest shock of the century came when I  got home and made the perilous trek to get my mail.

When I (very reluctantly) opened this month's utility bill, it was the closest I ever came to dying of shock.
Last month the bill was so high that I didn't know how I would pay it.

This month - the bill TRIPLED!!!
I was so astounded that I kept trying to focus my myopic eyes, thinking that I was seeing double (...or triple...).

In all honesty, my frugality would rival that of Scrooge. Despite the INTENSE cold in this wretched house, I only put the heat on when absolutely necessary.
Even when the temperature recently dropped below zero, I only used the heat sporadically.

I use the lights sparingly, with 40 watt bulbs. I no longer have a television. The washer and dryer are only used once a week.
So how can the frickin' utility bill skyrocket to the moon??

To make matters worse, my water bill doubled.
I attribute this to having to keep the faucets running during frigid temperatures so the pipes won't freeze.

Sure, it's winter. And winter is generally cold. But I innocently assumed that Tennessee was a relatively mild southern state. If I ever knew it had six-month winters with penguins and ice floes, I would have reconsidered my move. 

Not to mention that the cost of living is higher here than it was in rural Texas.

There's no chance that I'll be putting the heat on again any time soon. No matter how cold it gets.
And the idea of getting a wood-burning stove is not particularly pleasing. Sounds simple, but in reality they're a helluva lot of trouble to maintain.

So - -
here I sit, wearing four layers of clothing....and a bathrobe. My fingers are so numb with icy cold that I can hardly type. I'm grimly contemplating my surroundings:

perpetual frigidity, intense dampness,  mud, and weeds.....rain, sleet, dreariness....
...wild animals nesting in the roof and under the house....
did I mention mud?

Mice scurrying across the floor in the middle of the night.
Three frickin' cats - and they can't catch one damn mouse. Perhaps I should get a dog.

Am I bitching too much? Heck, I'm in a good mood. You should see me when I'm pissed.

I have much more to write but this is getting annoyingly long.
Next time.

Many thanks for your comments. I usually like to reply to them, but I'm presently so overwhelmed with other things that I can't.
And I'm presently wasting a LOT of time trying to fix my printer. It worked fine - until I needed it. 

RARE LIVE FOOTAGE AND LATE NIGHT SCARE

Okay - it's not exactly rare....and it's definitely not live. But it's footage!
Footage that I filmed this morning specifically for your viewing pleasure.

I almost never take videos with my El Cheapo digital camera for two reasons:
1. It takes very short crappy videos.
2. It devours the camera battery.

I used to have a very good camcorder, but it's one of the many things that the movers "lost" (or stole) when I moved to Tennessee. 

It snowed all day today. I stepped outside (in my bathrobe) at around nine o'clock this morning to film a few seconds of my back yard. At the time it was 12 degrees (Fahrenheit). The temp is supposed to drop far below zero tonight.

Late last night - at about 3:00 a.m. - I went outside just to check the weather. It was very dark and bitterly cold. Despite the frigid temperature, I stood there for several minutes savoring the incredible silence and gazing at the black sightless woods.

Suddenly a rowdy band of coyotes started yelping and howling right at the edge of the woods, only a few yards from where I was standing.

It scared the jeeters out of me because there was previously no sign of them. They seemed to appear out of nowhere, and they were clamoring down the hillside heading directly towards me!

I ran like hell for the back door and made it safely inside. 

There are always coyotes around here but they never bother me and very seldom scare me.
This time I was alarmed.
Had they been watching me the whole while I was out there?
Were they hungry? Did I look good enough to eat?
(hell, everybody looks more appetizing in the dark).

Anyway, here's another very brief video of my back yard that I took this morning.

When I just checked my blog I noticed that this second video had inexplicably vanished!!! So, I've re-posted it:

WAITING

Two days ago I was waiting for spring. Today I'm waiting for a last kick in the ass from winter.

On Thursday (two days ago) the storm clouds finally parted, the sun appeared, and the temperature soared to 70 degrees (that's Fahrenheit, for those of you in North Korea). It was one of those rare glorious days that makes you want to drop everything and crawl out of your hibernation hole.

I dropped and crawled - - and basked in the warm sun like a lizard. The warmth was a sure promise of spring and I felt rejuvenated and almost human again.
Some of the trees at the edge of the forest were actually starting to bloom with delicate colors.

I should have known that bliss doesn't last long. Another horrendous storm ravaged Tennessee on Thursday night. By Friday the temperature was dropping rapidly. Today (which let's all assume is Saturday) it is bone-chillingly frigid....and snow is expected tonight.
Snow. With spring only a week away.
So:
After shaking my fist and cursing at the Weather Gods
I put the extra blankets back on the bed,
made some homemade potato soup,
lamented at the fact that the blossoms are dead,
and now I'm waiting for an extremely cold night (it's presently late afternoon).

While I'm sitting here with nothing to do but listen to my teeth chatter, I'll dump some photos on you.

 I took this photo from my bedroom window at dawn on Thursday morning. When the sun comes up it illuminates the neighboring mountain (okay, it's a hill - but we hillbillies call it a mountain). I can't see it in the summer, because all the leaves obscure it.

 This is the same mountain (from my bedroom window) at sunset. I took this pic Thursday evening, before the storms rolled in.
Hopefully you're not completely overwhelmed from the excitement. Few people get the privilege of seeing the view from my bedroom window....

 This morning it was bitterly cold and the feeble sun made a valiant but futile effort to emerge from the clouds (damn, I'm poetic when I least expect it).
The first photo on this post was also taken this morning.

Okay - you knew you wouldn't get away from here without seeing my cats.....

 Scruffy seldom sits long enough to be photographed. I captured her yesterday perched on my bedroom dresser next to the alpine painting.
(I suppose it's technically a chest of drawers - not a dresser. I'm in an Edwardian mode...)

 Bosco was in his very favorite spot at the foot of my bed.

 My eldest cat Scratch is eleven years old. Scruffy & Bosco are three yrs. old. When I first got them, Scratch absolutely HATED them. She growled (yes growled) all the time. Now, she has finally learned to live peacefully with them.
I took this pic of Scratch and Scruffy relaxing together a few days ago.

Scratch even lets Scruffy eat from her private personal food dish - - which is a milestone.....not to mention a miracle.
(I generally don't like to leave cat food on the floor, but with three demanding felines I gotta take liberties now & then).

I'm almost done. Wanna see my angel calendar? It's one of the few things the movers didn't lose...or steal.

 An angel for every month.
I'm not really "into" angels - - I'm more of a devil connoisseur.....but what the hell....
I had this calendar a long time. I'm trying to find a place to put it where the cats won't get it. 
Scratch never touches anything. But Scruffy and Bosco will rip it to shreds and sell the angel's wings for scrap....

Holy crap - this was a long post.
Wake me when it's spring.

LIKE A RUNAWAY SLED

My front yard property on Monday,

after the first snowfall

I felt really rotten this morning.

How rotten did you feel, Jon?

I felt like Ethan Frome after his last sleigh ride with Mattie. A free-fall with a crash.

Wow. Elaborate.

My day was off to a bad start even before I got out of bed. My eleven-month-old kitty Scruffy always wakes me up. She climbs up on the bed headboard and jumps on me. Today, she climbed up on the headboard and......sneezed on me. Right in the face. A liberal shower of feline germs.

I'm talking abundant liberal. Not politics liberal.

I grabbed my cell phone and snapped this photo just before she sneezed. It's not upside down. That's exactly how she looked from my vantage point.

Get a kitten, they said.
It'll be fun, they said.

Yesterday, I somehow threw my back out of whack. As I was crawling out of bed this morning the spasms were so bad that I fell flat on the floor. 

To compound matters, I've been having severe - and I mean severe - pain in my toes.
Yes, you heard it correctly. Toes. All ten of them.

Heck, the last time I ever had pain in my toes, it was because somebody had been biting them. No need to panic, it happened long ago when I was young and soused.
This time, to my knowledge, no teeth were involved. 

I was in such agonizing pain from my back and toes that I couldn't get up off the floor. As I was crawling towards the bedroom door - wondering how I was going to wash my face - Scruffy suddenly decided to play. She grabbed one of my bare feet and dug ALL of her sharp claws into it - relentlessly hanging on as I crawled. My screams of agony echoed through the mountains......and it's rumored that they were heard in Nashville.

After I recovered enough to resume thinking, I realized that my toes hurt because I had been wearing two pairs of tight socks to keep my feet warm.
The socks must have completely cut off the circulation. Fortunately my toes didn't turn black and drop off.

So how are you doing now, Jon?

I'm still limping, but I'm wearing looser socks.

You're weird, Jon.

Weird, but immensely entertaining.

My yard on Monday during the first snowfall

as seen from my back porch

The cold weather is the Big News (capitalized for emphasis). I'm a Tennessee virgin. I honestly hadn't expected the winters here to be so harsh.

Let's see. It snowed on Monday, I think. And Tuesday, I think. And this morning for sure. Eight inch accumulation.The high temperature today was a brisk 16.

Tonight (it's only 8:00 p.m. as I'm writing this) the temperature is supposed to plummet to minus 15. I said minus. That's cold enough to kill a penguin. Or Al Gore. Aw, settle down. I couldn't resist.

Hey, I'm writing this humorous stuff while I'm in an incredibly bad mood. Could you imagine how funny I'd be if I actually felt good?

View from my office window

(one of the spare bedrooms)

This frigid weather is definitely impeding all my activities. I'm not complaining. I've lived through winters far worse than this. I'm just stating a fact. I can't unpack any of the things in the garage. It's so cold out there that I can only tolerate it for a minute. Or less.

Late last night I ran out of kitty litter. Not for me. For the cats. Fortunately I had another big bag, but I'd left it out in the car. And I had to force myself to go out and get it.

The eight inches of snow had turned into solid ice. My entire property is on a steep mountainside. I immediately slipped on the ice and slid all the way down to my car. In retrospect, that's probably how I hurt my back.

If the car wasn't there to break my slide, I would have undoubtedly ended up in Kentucky. The door on my car was frozen shut and I literally had to pry it open, using my fingernails to crack the ice. By then my fingers, toes, and family jewels were completely numb. I honestly couldn't feel my balls for several hours.

Don't try to visualize this. It will corrupt you.

Carrying a 50 lb. bag of kitty litter back up to the house while walking on ice wasn't easy.
I only had two thoughts:

1. God, please don't let me fall again.

2. Those damn cats shit more than I do!

Bosco and Scruffy

looking at the snow from kitchen window

Note:
Ever since I started this new blog Lone Wolf Concerto I've noticed that readership is sparse and seems to be dwindling rapidly. Many (but not all) of my faithful friends who used to read Lone Star Concerto have vanished.

 I've thought about abandoning this blog, but I'm addicted to it. I enjoy distributing my thoughts for public consumption - whether the public is there or not. Most of all I enjoy entertaining myself.

Rose from Canada (Life After Fifty) told me that she's been having an enormous amount of trouble leaving comments on my blog. I haven't had any other complaints about this. I checked the settings and they seem to be okay.