RHAPSODIC RANT

I had some interesting and logical blog posts lined up. Then I said (to myself, of course) "Why the hell should I write anything interesting or logical?"

So I'm offering you a rant. A rhapsodic rant - which is infinitely better than a plain ol' generic rant. 

Actually, I should have named my blog Rhapsodic Rant. I never liked the title Lone Wolf Concerto, but it was a word play on my old blog Lone Star Concerto.
And it's a reasonably semi-apt description of who I am:
A musically-inclined loner in the wilderness, and a.....
....well, I'm not exactly a wolf - but "wolf" sounded more intriguing than "hopelessly neurotic sissified dandy".

It's raining hard tonight as I write. It rained hard yesterday, and undoubtedly will rain hard again tomorrow. I'm glad. The rain is accompanied by warmer temperatures. 
I haven't turned the heat on since I received that stunningly astronomical heating bill (see previous post).
I'm still trying to decide whether I should sell my blood or my ass to pay for it. I don't have much blood to spare.

Don't let the "ass" thing scare you. Remember - I used to live in Hollywood, where buying and selling asses is a way of life.

So, where's the "rant" part of this post, Jon?

Keep your pants on, Kemosahbee. I'm getting there.

I'm presently completely, thoroughly, absolutely disgusted with every aspect of my wretched life (and my existence in the friggin' wilderness) - - but I suppose that's not exactly a rant. It's more like an observation.

Has anyone been watching the Winter Olympics?
I haven't. Mainly because I don't have a TV. 

Two years ago I was able to watch the 2016 Summer Olympics on an obscure, clandestine, back-alley live stream website - - but NBC suddenly got wise and snuffed out ALL live stream ploys. You now have to pay for cable so you can watch the Olympics on your computer.

The NBC website lets you watch about 30 minutes of live-stream Olympic coverage - and then rudely shuts it off and demands you to pay for a cable channel.

During the duration of the "free" live stream that I watched, about twenty minutes of it were EXTREMELY ANNOYING Olympic commercials that completely suppressed my initial Olympic enthusiasm.

After the commercials, Johnny Weir appeared as a commentator for the ice skating.

Let me put it this way:
Johnny Weir is the only person who has ever ignited a burning urge in me to kill a gay guy with my bare hands.

Weir at the Olympics

 Is it just my imagination,or does Johnny Weir look like an anorexic version of Kim Jong Un?

NBC has taken the Olympics to a new low.

And what about Vice President Mike Pence?
Pence and his wife attended the Olympic opening ceremonies - - and they were seated about six inches away from Kim Jong Un's sister!! She was directly behind them, breathing down their necks for the duration of the entire ceremony.

This was no coincidence. It was a deliberate slap in the face by the Koreans to the U.S.A.

Mike Pence and Sister Un --

too close for comfort

And the liberal, Commie-loving American news media is chastising VP Pence because he didn't stand when the Korean teams entered the stadium!!!

Pence would have had to be a freaking FOOL to stand for the Koreans (north or south). "Protocol", my ass!

The Olympics used to be an event with dignity and class (at least on the surface). It has now deteriorated into a tawdry mega-commercialized freak show. Perhaps I'm better off without it.

Anti-American sentiments are rampant, here and abroad. I suppose everyone would have been blissfully happy if Pence and his wife wore Mao Tse-Tung pants suits and burned the American flag.

You call this crap a "rant", Jon?

I'm just warming up, Kemosahbee. This was merely a preliminary exercise.

PHONE CARD IN THE FREEZER AND OTHER STUFF

Get a place in the wilderness, Jon. It'll be fun! You'll have a simple and carefree life.

If it wasn't so physically hard to do, I'd be kicking my own ass for suggesting that to myself.  
After three long years existing in the wilderness my life is filled with more problems and complications than a '58 Edsel Corsair, and my nerves are more shredded than the lettuce on a Taco Bell veggie salad.

I couldn't sleep all night from the scratching and scraping of the wild animals trying to nest in my roof and walls. Don't be fooled by all those cutsie wildlife documentaries on PBS and the Disney Bambi crap that we were spoon-fed as kids.
If I had a submachine gun I would have used it gleefully and without regrets.

Did you ever try to sleep on a bad mattress with a bad back and two big cats? Bosco must weigh 50 lbs. and he was dead weight on my legs like a sack of scrap metal.

When I crawled out of bed at the grim and cold crack of dawn, it took me ten minutes to get on my feet and I looked like an accordion on stilts.

Yup, I chose today (Tuesday) to drive into town - despite a warning from my cousin that there was "road work" being done.

Actually, I was fortunate to even find the road - since the weeds and "brush" on my property are now 20 feet high thanks to recent rain.
I won't mention the mud.

Driving to town wouldn't have been too bad, if a pickup truck didn't appear in front of me (seemingly out of nowhere). It was going less than 15 m.p.h.
Picture that on a narrow, winding, no passing mountain road.

Thanks to that SloMo snail, it took three times longer to get to town than usual.
I was biting my fingernails to a bloody pulp.

But luck was with me -
No road repair work was being done!

.....until I got to town.

I thought my cousin meant the mountain road was being repaired.
Instead, I discovered that she meant the roads in town were being repaired.

Every major road in the entire damn place was under "reconstruction", making it less than impossible to get anywhere.

I had to stop at the courthouse, which was located in the very midst of the road construction ( a harrowing maneuver, to say the least). My reason for going there is far too long and tedious to rely here - let's just say it had to do with the registration of some property.

 Here's the courthouse and that's exactly where I parked (I didn't take this photo - I got it from the Internet).

The lady in the clerk's office was so busy, rude, and confused that I finally left in abject frustration (to say the least) without getting anything resolved or done.

Onward to Walmart, where the holiday shoppers were out en mass.
Did I ever mention that I think all holidays should be permanently banned - and those who try to participate in them should be subjected to waterboarding torture?

I desperately needed a BIG bag of Purina Cat Chow Complete, which is the favored cuisine of my three cats. Naturally they were all out of it. So I had to settle for the small (very small) bag - and a big bag of Friskies.

I had to buy a phone card for my cell phone. The  swishy male clerk in the phone department was wearing two gigantic earrings, at least six finger rings - and he was extremely friendly.

Hey, I'm not trying to suggest anything. It's merely an innocent observation. And it's very strange for rural Tennessee. 
I haven't seen a dude look like that since I was in West Hollywood.

I bought two pumpkin pies that were on the "mark down" rack (one of my favorite Walmart haunts). More about the pies later.

The long drive home was beyond the realms of a hellish nightmare:
a huge truck hauling a load of cut lumber was going about 5 m.p.h. There were fourteen cars behind him. I was the fifteenth car.

It was like a funeral procession, only slower. I eventually started gnawing my toenails and saying profanities that would have made Satan blush.

Okay - 
what about the phone card in the freezer??

When I finally got home, I wrapped one of the pumpkin pies in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer.

Eventually I noticed that the phone card I bought was missing. I frantically searched everywhere and finally figured that I must have dropped it somewhere (like in the Walmart parking lot).

Imagine my surprise when I happened to check the pumpkin pie in the freezer. My phone card was in the bag with the pie - frozen solid!

I won't apologize for this post being long, because I condensed it. It would have been a lot longer if I told everything that happened.

Just a typical day in the life of Jon.

 

FOUL

I'm not talking foul ball. Or fowl bird. I'm talking foul mood. I've been in a dangerously foul mood for a long time. And I have the urge to rant.

I had a few beers today - along with a lethal dose of NyQuil. No need for you Goody-Two-Shoes to worry. I wasn't driving.
I used to be a hardcore lush.
Ever since I moved to Tennessee I'm nearly a teetotaler. Not because I got righteous. Solely because this is a "dry" (or semi-dry) county. In layman's terms it means that the Baptists don't want anyone to drink liquor. Someone ought to tell them that Jesus turned water into wine.  He'd do one helluva business here in Hillbillyland.

Anyway, there's one tiny store snuggled on the edge of town that sells beer only for outrageous prices.

You've told us that already, Jon.

Well, I'm telling you again just in case you forgot.

The joy of life in the wilderness is wearing thin. There are times when I'm almost tempted to rejoin civilization. 
I said almost. But not quite.

My ravaged back is keeping me from doing things around here. I can hardly walk most of the time.

Run to a doctor, Jon.

I presently don't have any health insurance. And past experience has assured me that most doctors are only good for two things: prescribing pain pills and sending outrageous bills.

A serious aside:
I realize that several of my fellow bloggers (including Geo. and David) have literally had their lives saved by doctors, and I truly appreciate the fact.

As for me: I no longer give a shit about my own life. I have nothing to lose but the ability to walk (if there's any grim humor in that, I can't find it). 

Doctors are not all Ben Casey. I could tell you about a frighteningly loopy doctor that I had a personal relationship with (long ago).
But I won't. 

This blog post is getting too long but I'm on a roll. Sort of.

All of the purple blossoms around here (in my previous post photos) have died from the recent frost. Only a few scant white ones are left (see header photo).
I always assumed Tennessee was a mild southern state. If I ever knew the winters were ten months long here I would have never came. I should have gotten a clue when I discovered that the state bird is the Penguin.

I thought that was funny but nobody's laughing. 

The wasps and bees are vicious this season. I get attacked every time I go outside. And there are a lot of them.

My cat Scruffy caught two lizards lately (in the house). I quickly rescued both of them. Fortunately they were both unharmed. I like lizards.

One more thing before I go:
I've decided to keep the comments on this blog in the "moderation" mode for a little while longer.
I personally hate comment moderation - and I'm sure some people also find it annoying.

I've discovered, however, (thanks to live traffic feed) that a few people who despise me still regularly visit my blog. I can't understand why - except for the fact that I'm irresistible (*smile*).

I think they are just waiting for me to say something that they don't like - so they can gleefully pounce on me again.

It's a good thing I keep most of my thoughts to myself.