Sunday, December 2, 2018
INANE QUESTIONS AND INEPT ANSWERS
Whenever I'm not in the mood to write a blog post, I run over to Sunday Stealing and lift inane questions from their seemingly inexhaustible source.
1. What's the coldest temp you've experienced?
Does this include the deep freeze reaction I get from people who despise my political views?
The coldest temp I can remember was minus 23 degrees (Fahrenheit) with a minus 40 "wind chill" one January in the Missouri Ozarks. The doors in the house were frozen shut and I had to thaw them with a hair dryer.
2. What's for dinner tonight?
Come on over and find out. I don't feel like cooking today, so I'm having grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and a pasta salad.
3. Would you consider moving to Australia?
Why the hell would I ever want to move to Australia?? When I lived in West Texas the trauma took about twenty years off my life and I still haven't recovered. Australia is completely out of the realms of possibility.
4. What was your favorite subject in high school?
I hated high school with an unwholesome passion, but my favorite subject was journalism. I was editor of the school newspaper and we had a fantastic journalism staff - my time with them provided many great memories.
5. How many hours a day is your tv on?
I got rid of my television four years ago when I moved to Tennessee and never had any regrets.
6. Have you ever received an award?
Well, I've never received any awards for congeniality.
I have received awards for writing, poetry, music (piano), and art (believe it or not).
And composition! I almost forgot - when I was sixteen I received the national Albert Rosen award for one of my piano compositions.
But, to be completely honest, I don't care much about awards....and think they are vastly overrated.
7. Whats your mousepad look like?
I don't have a desk mouse pad, but I suppose my house here in the wilderness could be considered a mouse pad, or rodent hangout.
8. How many browser tabs do you have open right now?
Sorry, when I'm busy answering important questions all my tabs are closed.
9. If you are a parent, have you or did you ever put Vicks VapoRub on your children under the age of 2?
Dumb (not to mention curious) question.
Who the hell are you - Dr. Spock?
I've never rubbed Vicks on any child - - but when I lived in Texas I had considered tarring and feathering my neighbor's children.
10. As an adult, do you like the scent of Vicks VapoRub?
I'm admittedly addicted to Vicks VapoRub and I keep a jar by my bedside - which I periodically inhale during the night to convince myself that I'm still breathing.
BTW - my cat Bosco loves the smell of Vicks and enjoys inhaling it, too (no, I'm not kidding).
11. If you had to pick one insect to infest your house for 1 day and after that day they would just suddenly vanish, which insect infestation would you pick?
The love bug -
kinda like a one-night stand.
12. What color is your underwear that you are wearing right at this moment?
What makes you assume I'm wearing underwear?
Questions # Two
1.What is your favorite animal?
Cats, because we share many similar traits:
nocturnal, highly intelligent, perpetually curious, lazy, intensely independent, and miserable bastards when they're in "heat".
2.Your dream vacation?
I don't generally dream about unattainable vacations. How about somewhere in the Alps - far away from annoying questions.
3.Last person's house you were in?
My cousin Nancy's house - as far as I can remember.
4.Worst injury you've ever had?
The worst? How much time do we have?
I'll be brief and simply say a couple of serious spinal injuries.
5.Last play you saw?
A live play?
Probably the California Suite at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles. I ran into Rock Hudson in the lobby (true story).
6.Ever go to camp?
Not while I'm alive, sane, and able to run.....
7.Were you an honor roll student in school?
I never aspired to be one.
8.What do you want to know about the future?
Nothing at all. I'm still trying to recover from my past.
9.Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
I used to wear L'Homme by Yves Saint Laurent and Crave by Calvin Klein...
but now I just smell like pure, undiluted sweat.
10.Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
Heck, I was due for a doctor's visit thirty years ago and never went. That's probably why I'm half-dead now.
11.Where is your best friend?
One of my long-time best friends is in Santa Rosa, California. I've known her since we were in grade school (and she knows all my secrets).
12.Do you have a tan?
When I was a young child I had such severe anemia that two doctors diagnosed me with leukemia and predicted that I'd die before I was twelve.
My father always hounded me for being thin and pale.
"You look like a goddamn ghost!" he'd yell. "Why the hell don't you go outside and get some sunshine?"
In my late teens I became a sun worshiper on the California beaches. I got as tan as I possibly could - - and to this day I'm still obsessed with being tan.
13.What are you listening to right now?
The wind whistling through the trees in the nearby forest. It's an extremely windy day.
14.Do you collect anything?
Yea - phobias, dust, and bad memories.
15.Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
I steer clear of gossipers.
16.Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
I've told this story too many times before and it's x-rated so I'll try to sanitize this version.
Late one night I'm in a car - in a compromising position with someone - behind the Circus of Books bookstore on Santa Monica Blvd. in Hollywood. The cops pulled up. I jumped out, leaped over a fence, got away - and never looked back.
That's the condensed version.
Thank Gawd I'm no longer young, agile, or promiscuous......
17.What does your last text message say?
"Help! I'm being pursued by a band of hungry coyotes!"
18.Do you like hot sauce?
The hotter the better. I'm a salsa freak.
19.Do you need to do laundry?
Let's put it this way: I often have laundry that's so dirty, it crawls up to the washing machine and jumps in by itself.
20.What is your heritage?
Entirely Hungarian. Magyar gypsies on my father's side. Descendants of royalty on my mother's side.
That's why I'm good and evil....half treasure, half trash.....