AND FINALLY THE LAST

 Finally, the last month of an extremely grueling year. 

Before I get into my upbeat holiday posts and all the cutesy Christmas crap, I'm going to do one more depressing post - - the kind I know you're very reluctant to read.

I'm sure you'd rather read an uplifting post - - with me traipsing through the forest, accompanied by colorful unicorns and joyful fairies, waving my magical wand as it emits blissful pink showers of Lawrence Welk bubbles.

Sorry, comrades, but my forest is eternally plagued with grim nightmares, evil gnomes, and endless depths of dark, raw reality.

Life, as I know it, is an unrelenting bitch and there are no happy endings.

So, what have I been doing lately?

I was delighted when I received my new USB computer keyboard last Monday. I could finally write again!
Two nights later the Nature Gods saw my glee and pelted rural Tennessee with severe storms. Naturally there was a power outage and my computers and landline phone (as usual) were zapped dead. No Internet connection.

This happens every time there's a storm. I'm thoroughly, completely, absolutely disgusted at having to call my Internet provider for assistance. I'm tired of them having to come out and "fix" my computer.
So - -
I decided to fix the damn thing myself. I spent half the day messing with wires and connections. With absolutely no plausible technical knowledge I screwed around with all the reset buttons. Sometime around dusk, I finally got an Internet connection!
Small miracles sometimes happen - -
or was it a freak fluke......?

Despite this technical miracle, the rest of my life is hell.
My furnace isn't working and I don't have $3,000 for a new one. I'm using space heaters in the kitchen and bedroom and they're sufficient. This is absolutely the coldest house I ever lived in. The drafts and dampness are beyond belief. I don't need a furnace. I need an exorcist.

My November utility bill tripled - and the really cold weather doesn't arrive until January.

Late at night the raccoons keep me awake - ripping the roof apart and shredding the insulation.
I'm infested with mice.
More trees were toppled during the recent storm. The wild brush is over ten feet high.
I won't mention the problems I'm having with S.S., Motor Vehicles, and insurance. 

My health "issues" are beyond endurance.
High blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, constant aural migraines, a persistent hacking cough due to the dampness, constant severe cramps in my hands.

When I was twenty, I performed a piano concerto with a symphony orchestra.
Today my hands are so friggin' cramped that I can hardly hold a spoon.
If that isn't bitter irony, I don't know what the hell is.

Worst of all - I'm reluctant to admit this - but I'm losing my ability to walk.

This grim post is getting much too long, but I finally want to reveal everything about my ongoing spinal issues.

When I left California and moved to the Missouri Ozarks (I was in my early 30's) I had a horrific accident. It happened on Labor Day in September.
I was carrying a heavy vacuum cleaner up a flight of polished wooden stairs - and I was foolishly wearing only a pair of socks and no shoes. I slipped and fell down the flight of stairs.
I hit my spine so hard that I thought my back was broken. I couldn't move or walk. The bruises on my back were so bad that they were still there on Christmas.
Half a dozen spinal fractures, serious damage - I needed surgery but refused. As a result, I had permanent numbness and constant tingling in my left leg. And extreme difficulty moving my leg.

Fast forward to the winter of 2015 - - my first winter in Tennessee.

There was heavy snowfall and an ice storm. One of the water pipes burst under my house. Everything was flooding.
I panicked and ran outside to turn off the main water valve. The water meter is very far from the house, near the passing road. I had to run down a steep, icy hill.

I was (foolishly) wearing cowboy boots - which have no traction. Just as I got to the meter, I slipped on the ice and hit my spine EXACTLY where I had the injury in Missouri.
I fell in the snow and was completely paralyzed. There was absolutely no one to help me. I laid there for at least half an hour.

Somehow I got my arms to move and I summoned the courage and strength to crawl. Inch by inch I dragged myself up the icy hill and finally got to the back porch.
I'll never know how I survived.

To abbreviate an extremely long story - I never told anyone the seriousness of my situation and had no way of getting to a doctor.

If I ever revealed the agony I went through for the next year, nobody would ever believe it. The pain in my back and spine was so excruciatingly bad that I couldn't walk and spent most of the time in bed. I could hardly stand up to give my three cats (at that time) food and water. I could seldom prepare meals for myself.

It was a very long time before I attempted to make the long drive to town - and I was in such pain that I couldn't make it. I had to literally drag myself out of the car and crawl on my hands and knees to get back to the house.

It was months before I could manage to walk again and I eventually noticed a horrible, radical shift in my spine. I could no longer stand straight or walk normally.

Over the years, my spine kept getting worse. I continually lost my balance and often got paralysis in both my legs.

As of today, I'm slowly but surely completely losing my ability to walk. I desperately tried to ignore it, but it's finally getting much worse. I can hardly navigate....and have to hang onto walls, furniture, and anything else just to get through the house. I'm losing much of my coordination and can hardly lift anything at all. I'm in perpetual agony and often can't get my breath.

A horrifying plight when I live alone in a forest in the wilderness.

This is a BITCH of a post. It's too long, too depressing, and I've said far too much.
My main objective is to reveal everything I'm going through. I'm not looking for sympathy or advice.

Somehow I'll manage to survive. I've been through a helluva lot of bad times during my life. This is merely the latest challenge.

Everything in life is a challenge, some worse than others. We all have our burdens to endure.

If you dared to read this entire post - my heartfelt thanks.

I didn't bother to edit this and typos probably exist.

Thanks for your endurance,  Jon

ANOTHER TORNADO WARNING

 

Two tornado warnings in the past week. In December. Go figure.
As if I didn't already have enough problems to contend with - Mother Nature seems to be uprising against me, too. It's been a strange week.

Yesterday (Friday) I forced myself to make the harrowing excursion to town. I desperately needed supplies. It was a dank, dismal, rainy day with mild temperatures. Christmas shoppers were sparse. A sense of lethargy and  indifference seemed to prevail.

I spent too much money and didn't get half of what I need - but that's a usual occurrence. The worst part is driving home and suddenly remembering the things I forgot to buy. There's no chance in hell that I'll be driving a zillion miles back to town any time soon.

The unending joys of rural life. 

Severe weather and high winds were predicted for Friday night.  At least I was safely back at home with lots of groceries.

My oven still doesn't work. I need to order a new baking element (that's what it's called) from Amazon. It should be easy to fix.
Fortunately, the broiler still works. Yesterday I broiled some thick, boneless pork chops and they were delicious.

The winds really picked up late Friday night - furiously sifting through the trees. There was distant thunder, occasional lightning, and restless packs of wild dogs. Frequent visits from the coyotes never bother me - but for some reason, wild dogs unnerve me.

By midnight the temperature was still only 61 degrees (Fahrenheit) which is eerie, especially in December. I went to bed fairly confident that the impending storms would be minimal. 

Sometime around 4:00 a.m. the weather really got nasty. The wind was shrieking and the flimsy house was shaking. Rain poured in torrents and the lightning was brutally bright.

The tornado warning happened around 4:45 a.m. My only source of weather information comes from my computer. You're on your own in this friggin' rural area.

 I don't generally scare easily, but this storm was horrendous. I just stayed in bed - petrified - watching the lights blink on and off. The wind screamed and the loud, odd noises outside were truly frightening. There was an incredible rushing noise that sounded like the whole forest was being demolished. I kept waiting for the house to be swept away and carried to the Land of OZ.

To make a long story short (which was never my forte) the chaos didn't subside until after dawn. Me and the cats survived and (so far) I've only seen minimal outside damage.

According to weather accounts, the massive tornadic storm swept through four states and traveled over two hundred miles. Damage was extremely extensive and at least fifty people were killed in Kentucky. Entire towns were destroyed.

I'm thankful to have been spared - and my heartfelt sympathy goes out to the thousands of people who were affected by this bizarre monster storm.

 

FOG AND ABSTRACTIONS

I and my environment seem to have become one: 
an indistinct persistence of sightless fog meandering aimlessly through a forest of uncertainty.

Frost on an early morning that shivers  with trepidation in shadowed places, knowing that the light of another dawn might eventually render it extinct.

A feeble winter sun that timidly lurks behind sporadic mists and naked branches in search of a fragile day that vanishes too quickly to absorb any warmth.

Nothing profound intended here. Just random, fleeting thoughts on a yawning December afternoon. Thoughts designed to accompany the recent photos I took on my property (that sounds more impressive than "in my yard").

I deleted my previous blog post but salvaged the photos.
It's painfully obvious that I'm not in the mood to blog, don't have the holiday spirit, and have been forcing myself to get through another December.

I'm weary of the mercilessly endless daily personal problems, of the frenzied holiday hypocrisy, of existence in general.....

Don't read too much into it. 
It's part of my peculiar nature, part of the poet within me, and part of the privilege of expressing myself.

Photos, anyone?

 Dawn

An evergreen at dawn this morning

Morning Frost

 The rising moon last evening

 

SNOW

Ironically, I was going to write a post about a rare Southern California snowfall that I experienced when I was in high school.
I'll save it for another time.

I woke up around dawn this morning. Cold, miserable, and half-asleep, I stumbled my way to the kitchen and got the cats some food and fresh water.
I was seriously considering crawling back into bed, when I happened to look out the kitchen window. It was snowing!

This was a big surprise, since only a few feeble flurries were expected late last night.
I grabbed my El Cheapo digital camera and raced outside to capture the momentous event.

 The back yard at dawn

The front yard just after dawn. The camera flash was on and it really illuminated the snowflakes.

 Bosco, doing some serious snowflake watching.

There was no significant accumulation, but it's enough to remind me that December is here.

DECEMBER

Welcome to December!

I can't think of a more appropriate way to welcome December than to post a piano piece entitled November.

Russian composer Tchaikovsky wrote a series of twelve piano pieces, entitled The Seasons op.37. There is one piece for each month.

This is my performance of November, subtitled Troika (Sleigh Ride).

I also made a video of this same piano music for YouTube (and I finally corrected the spelling mistake that was on the title).
My YouTube channel is JayveeSonata.

Please don't hurt yourselves in the frantic rush to get over there.....
he says with bitter sarcasm. 

I ventured out of my rustic cocoon yesterday to make the dreaded journey to town. It was a bleak, grey, misty, rainy day but - despite the negatives - there were a few positives:
1. There was no road construction this time.
2. The weather has warmed up slightly.
3. I wore my new contact lenses, so I could actually see everything for a change.

Unfortunately, the Christmas shoppers are already out en mass - making my Walmart experience even more unpleasant than usual. 

It's supposed to get very cold again next week, so at least I now have enough supplies to get through it. 

I dislike writing boring posts (like this one) but I'm in a boring, lethargic mood.

Perhaps an afternoon nap will refresh me.
Wake me up after spring arrives. 

WELCOME TO DECEMBER

Well, Jon - how do you feel since Bosco landed on your face?

I feel like dismissing my cats and getting a dog.

I mean, how do you feel physically?

After all the claw marks heal and the swelling goes down and the bruising disappears and my eye stops hurting, I'll probably be back to normal - or as reasonably normal as I get. I have difficulty shaving.

All the injuries are on your left side?

Yea. Now I can only be photographed from my right side. Kinda like Claudette Colbert.

She was only photographed from her left side.

Whatever. Know-it-all.

(sometimes I actually amuse myself)

How's December so far?

Gloomy, wet, and mild. It rained non-stop for the past four days. Early this evening the skies began to clear and cold weather is returning tonight.

Returning from where?

Returning from wherever cold weather goes when it's not in Tennessee.

The above photo is a very distant shot of the mountain on which I live.

It doesn't look very big.

Hey, Bucko, this is Daniel Boone country. I'm not Heidi's grandfather.

I ventured outside this morning and took some photos. I finally bought batteries for my El Cheapo digital camera.

You should really get an Apple iPhone 6S Plus with a 12-megapixel sensor.

Don't bullshit me with fancy tech talk. I'm still trying to figure out how to use my Dick Tracy Bakelite camera.

Why do you always talk to yourself, Jon?

Because I'm the only person I can fully relate to.

This was taken in my back yard at high noon on Wednesday. The sun is too far south to be taken seriously.

Loads of wild birds flew in, stayed about ten minutes, and then left. Probably headed for Jamaica.
Or else they saw my cats roaming around.

Here's Bosco checking out my mower before I put it away for the winter. The damn thing wouldn't start all summer (the mower, not Bosco).
I eventually had to take the whole engine apart. By the time I got it working the weeds were twenty feet high and laughing at the mower.

I don't need a frickin' Weedeater. I need tractors, plows, scythes, a large herd of mountain goats, and Divine intervention.

Here's Scruffy sitting near an ancient ladder. Those aren't pee marks, they're remnants of my wet footprints

So, what's on your agenda for the rest of this first week in December, Jon?

Have to drive into town tomorrow. Big emergency. Last week I forgot to buy the two essentials:
Litter and toilet paper.

The litter is for the cats. The T.P. is for me.

I've thought about training the cats to use the toilet. And I've thought about using the litter box - - but I don't like to share.



Visit my other blog - you won't regret it. Well, not much, anyway.....

http://cabinetofcurioustreasures.blogspot.com