AND FINALLY THE LAST

 Finally, the last month of an extremely grueling year. 

Before I get into my upbeat holiday posts and all the cutesy Christmas crap, I'm going to do one more depressing post - - the kind I know you're very reluctant to read.

I'm sure you'd rather read an uplifting post - - with me traipsing through the forest, accompanied by colorful unicorns and joyful fairies, waving my magical wand as it emits blissful pink showers of Lawrence Welk bubbles.

Sorry, comrades, but my forest is eternally plagued with grim nightmares, evil gnomes, and endless depths of dark, raw reality.

Life, as I know it, is an unrelenting bitch and there are no happy endings.

So, what have I been doing lately?

I was delighted when I received my new USB computer keyboard last Monday. I could finally write again!
Two nights later the Nature Gods saw my glee and pelted rural Tennessee with severe storms. Naturally there was a power outage and my computers and landline phone (as usual) were zapped dead. No Internet connection.

This happens every time there's a storm. I'm thoroughly, completely, absolutely disgusted at having to call my Internet provider for assistance. I'm tired of them having to come out and "fix" my computer.
So - -
I decided to fix the damn thing myself. I spent half the day messing with wires and connections. With absolutely no plausible technical knowledge I screwed around with all the reset buttons. Sometime around dusk, I finally got an Internet connection!
Small miracles sometimes happen - -
or was it a freak fluke......?

Despite this technical miracle, the rest of my life is hell.
My furnace isn't working and I don't have $3,000 for a new one. I'm using space heaters in the kitchen and bedroom and they're sufficient. This is absolutely the coldest house I ever lived in. The drafts and dampness are beyond belief. I don't need a furnace. I need an exorcist.

My November utility bill tripled - and the really cold weather doesn't arrive until January.

Late at night the raccoons keep me awake - ripping the roof apart and shredding the insulation.
I'm infested with mice.
More trees were toppled during the recent storm. The wild brush is over ten feet high.
I won't mention the problems I'm having with S.S., Motor Vehicles, and insurance. 

My health "issues" are beyond endurance.
High blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, constant aural migraines, a persistent hacking cough due to the dampness, constant severe cramps in my hands.

When I was twenty, I performed a piano concerto with a symphony orchestra.
Today my hands are so friggin' cramped that I can hardly hold a spoon.
If that isn't bitter irony, I don't know what the hell is.

Worst of all - I'm reluctant to admit this - but I'm losing my ability to walk.

This grim post is getting much too long, but I finally want to reveal everything about my ongoing spinal issues.

When I left California and moved to the Missouri Ozarks (I was in my early 30's) I had a horrific accident. It happened on Labor Day in September.
I was carrying a heavy vacuum cleaner up a flight of polished wooden stairs - and I was foolishly wearing only a pair of socks and no shoes. I slipped and fell down the flight of stairs.
I hit my spine so hard that I thought my back was broken. I couldn't move or walk. The bruises on my back were so bad that they were still there on Christmas.
Half a dozen spinal fractures, serious damage - I needed surgery but refused. As a result, I had permanent numbness and constant tingling in my left leg. And extreme difficulty moving my leg.

Fast forward to the winter of 2015 - - my first winter in Tennessee.

There was heavy snowfall and an ice storm. One of the water pipes burst under my house. Everything was flooding.
I panicked and ran outside to turn off the main water valve. The water meter is very far from the house, near the passing road. I had to run down a steep, icy hill.

I was (foolishly) wearing cowboy boots - which have no traction. Just as I got to the meter, I slipped on the ice and hit my spine EXACTLY where I had the injury in Missouri.
I fell in the snow and was completely paralyzed. There was absolutely no one to help me. I laid there for at least half an hour.

Somehow I got my arms to move and I summoned the courage and strength to crawl. Inch by inch I dragged myself up the icy hill and finally got to the back porch.
I'll never know how I survived.

To abbreviate an extremely long story - I never told anyone the seriousness of my situation and had no way of getting to a doctor.

If I ever revealed the agony I went through for the next year, nobody would ever believe it. The pain in my back and spine was so excruciatingly bad that I couldn't walk and spent most of the time in bed. I could hardly stand up to give my three cats (at that time) food and water. I could seldom prepare meals for myself.

It was a very long time before I attempted to make the long drive to town - and I was in such pain that I couldn't make it. I had to literally drag myself out of the car and crawl on my hands and knees to get back to the house.

It was months before I could manage to walk again and I eventually noticed a horrible, radical shift in my spine. I could no longer stand straight or walk normally.

Over the years, my spine kept getting worse. I continually lost my balance and often got paralysis in both my legs.

As of today, I'm slowly but surely completely losing my ability to walk. I desperately tried to ignore it, but it's finally getting much worse. I can hardly navigate....and have to hang onto walls, furniture, and anything else just to get through the house. I'm losing much of my coordination and can hardly lift anything at all. I'm in perpetual agony and often can't get my breath.

A horrifying plight when I live alone in a forest in the wilderness.

This is a BITCH of a post. It's too long, too depressing, and I've said far too much.
My main objective is to reveal everything I'm going through. I'm not looking for sympathy or advice.

Somehow I'll manage to survive. I've been through a helluva lot of bad times during my life. This is merely the latest challenge.

Everything in life is a challenge, some worse than others. We all have our burdens to endure.

If you dared to read this entire post - my heartfelt thanks.

I didn't bother to edit this and typos probably exist.

Thanks for your endurance,  Jon

BLEAK TIMES

I'm presently going through some of the worst times of my life. The onslaught of major problems that I have seem completely insurmountable, and my health issues are increasing at an alarming rate.
In short, I'm in free fall without a net.
And this brutal, eternally frigid winter is a devastating accompaniment.

As if things couldn't get worse, my cat Kitzee (also known as Scratch) isn't doing well at all. She's sixteen years old - which is an incredible age for a cat - but she was in such remarkably good health that I had no concerns. In fact, during these sixteen years she was never sick - not even once.

During the past few days, however, I noticed a sudden and marked change.  She's rather lethargic and sleeps constantly. Most concerning is the fact that she stopped eating, but drinks a lot of water.

I generally feed my two cats dry food - but nearly every morning I give them some "wet" canned food as a sort of treat.  Every morning Kitzee would run into the kitchen and eagerly wait for her food. The past few mornings she won't even look at the food. I tried everything to get her to eat, with no success.

One of my on-going concerns is that my other cat - seven year old Bosco - has lots of respiratory issues, constantly sneezing and wheezing. I've always had separate food and water dishes for them, and separate litter boxes - but lately these cautions have been ignored. Bosco sometimes eats and drinks out of Kitzee's dishes - and Kitzee occasionally drinks from Bosco's water dish.
Also, they both sleep on my bed in close proximity.

In short, I'm wondering if Kitzee finally contracted something from Bosco - - or is it just old age that's quickly catching up with her.

Anyway, I'm extremely upset and absolutely can't bear to see her sudden deterioration. For me, it's beyond heartbreaking.  She has been such a major part of my life for so long that being without her seems like an impossibility.

This post is probably of little interest to anyone but myself, yet I plan to write more about my cats in the near future.

Right now, everything about my future seems extremely bleak.

Kitzee

Bosco

 

DECEMBER GHOSTS

 

Frozen ghosts. Ghosts that haunt the empty realms of my troubled soul.

This blog is an unintentional enigma. The many conflicting facets of my existence are a grievous annoyance. My life isn't always an open book. There's a lot that I don't tell. I wouldn't dare.

In November my problems were overwhelming.
In December my problems are completely insurmountable. I've given up. Too mentally and physically exhausted to continue the struggle.
I'll somehow summon the strength to drag myself through December, to the threshold of another year - - and then what? 

.....and then the struggle intensifies with twelve new months of limitless agonizing possibilities. 

Ignore what I've said. They were random pangs of personal darkness not intended for public consumption. They should be expunged immediately. 

 My rural surroundings have engulfed me, ensnared me with  devious intrigue.
The forest around me is tauntingly deceptive, like a wayward lover:
an incredibly alluring facade that harbors dark elements of inevitable destruction.

Yesterday at dusk the curious lens of my digital camera captured wandering ghosts - - mesmerizing spirits of haunting beauty that linger in the crimson glow of a December twilight, among gnarled shadows of naked trees.

And suddenly my troubled soul shivers with unexpected delight.

                                    Jon
                                    an enigma

GRIM REALITY

 I'm not in the mood to candy-coat my blog and write what you want to hear, rather than what I'd like to say. I'm tired of trying to be "upbeat" when in the grimness of raw reality I'm wallowing in depths of acute depression.
I've been posting a lot of reruns on my blog lately, solely because they are more palatable to read than the present horrifying realms of my existence. 

I'm not in the mood to hear about saccharine Thanksgiving blessings and gratefulness and prayers, and sumptuous holiday meals with fantastic families and friends.

So how was my Thanksgiving?

Somewhere between the Twilight Zone and Dante's ten circles of hell. Thanksgiving week was one of the worst of my entire life.
In a proverbial nutshell - - I had no heat, no hot water, and no working oven. My numerous health issues were so bad that I honestly didn't think I'd live through the weekend (no exaggeration). My physical maladies are getting terrifying.

And it was the coldest November week I can remember. I've said this numerous previous times, but I'll say it again:
I always thought Tennessee was a mild southern state. If I ever knew it had six month winters with ice floes and penguins, I would never have moved here.

The house that I live in is so unbearably cold, damp, and drafty that words can't adequately describe it. It's like being in an igloo with the air conditioner on.

It was so cold last Monday (Nov. 22, I think) that I made an emergency trip to town to buy a space heater and an electric blanket (my old electric blanket literally burned up last winter).

They're no longer called electric blankets. They are now called heated blankets. I suppose "electric" sounds too lethal.

The temperature dropped to 16 degrees (Fahrenheit) on Monday night. The heated blanket kept me and the two cats very cozy.

My furnace? Stops working every time the weather gets cold. Just like clockwork. This time, I STRONGLY suspect that some air ducts have been damaged by the 'possums that rudely reside under the house. I have to crawl under there to check it out, but presently I'm not in the mood.....

My water heater? The tale is too long to tell. I'll simply say that the heater was improperly installed (before I moved here) and is located in an EXTREMELY difficult place to access. I plan to get a new thermostat - which seems to be the problem. 

The oven? It needs a new heating element, which I can easily (?) install - but I'll have to order it online.

Thanksgiving? I ate tuna sandwiches. To hell with a sumptuous holiday meal. I had a pork roast, which I made in the slow cooker on Thanksgiving night - with potatoes, carrots, and onions. Ate it on Friday and it lasted all weekend.

That was my Thanksgiving week. I have only revealed a very TINY fraction of my problems and woes. If I ever told the truth about everything, you would be completely astounded. 

Most of the time I'm so frazzled and stressed that I can't think clearly. I often feel that I'm losing (what's left of) my mind. I lay in bed at night listening to my heart pound ninety times a minute - and wonder how I manage to stay alive.

It wouldn't be a complete blog post without photos, would it?
Despite the frigid weather and my rapidly crumbling life, I managed to crawl through the back yard forest and take some pictures.

 

Most of the lovely foliage is now gone, and the forest is as bleak, bare, and barren as my soul.

I'm (very) hesitant to post this "selfie", because I look like Bigfoot's ugly brother. I've aged twenty years since I moved to the wilderness.
My El Cheapo digital camera only has a ten second timer.
I had to prop the camera on a piece of wood, set the timer, and then run like hell to get within camera range. It took about five tries (I kept slipping on the mud).

The nearby hills can be seen, now that the foliage is gone.

My Thanksgiving roast in the slow cooker (picture taken before it was cooked)

Comments are disabled for this post. Hell, very few people ever bother to leave comments on my blog, anyway......

LAST REMNANTS OF APRIL

 

The last few days of April. Finally finally some sunshine and mild temperatures (but it was very chilly last night). The house is always cold - like the catacombs of death.

Been teetering on the deep edge lately, hanging on by a thin thread. My frustration, anger, disgust, and profound depression have nothing to do with blogging or bloggers,

I'm hopelessly immersed in my own personal problems, which seem to multiply and intensify every day.  Overwhelming problems having to do with existing in this ruthless wilderness, and even more overwhelming issues with my health.

Every night I pray that I'll never wake up and have to face another day. Yet, if anything ever happened to me way out here in Nowhereland, nobody would ever find me. And I'm beginning to think no one would care.

I've been such an uncommunicative hermit for so long that my friends and relatives (and I mean ALL relatives) have distanced themselves from me.
I finally sent my relatives an email greeting on Easter. Only one person bothered to answer (thank you "M" - you know who you are).

Am I pitying myself? Hell, no. Just stating facts. Am I looking for sympathy? Hell, no again. Never got any in my entire life. Don't need it now.

If I can get a grip on my multitudinous health issues, I'll survive. 

One of the latest maladies:
due to several old spinal injuries that never healed properly, I'm having more and more difficulty standing and walking.
At night, in bed, my legs often go completely numb and I can't move at all. Then, very suddenly, I'll get excruciating spasms in my knees and hips that are so intensely painful that I actually scream in pain - and somehow manage to pull myself off the bed and onto the floor.

I won't dare tell about the other physical problems I have.

Doctors??
Some people gleefully visit doctors as a career ( I'm not talking about those with serious medical conditions). It's not easy when they're (drs.) hundreds of miles away. I don't want surgery. Don't want to be hooked on pills or medication.

It isn't my intention for this post to be so dark and dismal, I'm merely giving a glimpse of my situation.
I won't mention the influx of mice, the squirrels in the roof, the 'possums under the house, the alarmingly aggressive wasps - the problems with the water heater and drain - the mud outside up to my ass, the weeds and brush taller than me (no lie)...or the perilous, harrowing, endless drive to town when I need a frickin' gallon of milk......or the trash piling up because it won't fit in my car to haul to town....

I'm on a reckless rant. Stop me before I hurt somebody. Or myself.

On the bright side -
(bright side?? hahahahaha)

I'm making good progress in the house - cleaning, repairing, doing things that I should have done long ago. The rooms are looking decent.

The garage is the biggest nightmare. Just thinking of it scares me.

I decided that I'm definitely getting a new computer. My old laptop is fine - but showing subtle signs of age (much like myself).

I also want to get a new electric keyboard (musical instrument). My old one disappeared (lost?stolen?) when I moved to Tennessee.

This post is too long. Said too much. Bored everyone with my problems.
It was a purge. An emotional outlet.

Photos taken today: 

The only blossoms around here that didn't perish from the cold, as seen from the front porch.

Kitzee (also known as Scratch), being watched by a ceramic cat that I got somewhere in Texas. The colorful wooden box is from Europe.

LONG RANDOM THOUGHTS ON A SHORT AUTUMN AFTERNOON

 

 

 I sometimes try to use catchy post titles to attract readers to my blog. It doesn't work. My infantile efforts inevitably nosedive like the Hindenburg.

I took the above photo today. You might remember Mr. Bones from last year. He's one of my annual Halloween props.

Mid-October already. My favorite month is passing more quickly than the showers of falling leaves. Last weekend (the long holiday weekend) was rainy, dreary, and immersed in haunting hillside mists.

Two photos of my misty front "yard". The above was taken with my old El Cheapo camera. The one below was taken with my new cell phone. I don't really see any difference at all. It wasn't a very good day for taking photos because it was bleak, misty, and dark.

The foliage is turning colors rather early this year. Usually they don't peak here in the Tennessee boonies until near Halloween.

I drove to town last Tuesday. Couldn't go on Monday because the bank was closed (Columbus Day). The rain vanished, the sunlight was glorious. I took a few pictures of the front "yard" before embarking on my journey.
 

I always put "yard" in quotes, because it isn't exactly a yard -- it's a monstrosity of nature.

I stocked up on lots of groceries  and got a few more pumpkins. Pumpkins always enhance my autumnal mood.

I also (finally) bought a slow cooker and a toaster oven.

Toaster ovens sound archaic - but I don't like microwaves. I only use my microwave to reheat things (like a cold cup of coffee). I make a lot of toasted sandwiches, and it's ridiculous to put them in the stove oven. I figured a toater oven would be preferable.

The slow cooker will probably come in handy to make winter meals and soup. The price was right, and there were only a few left.

I'm presently in the process of making apple wine. The fermentation won't be complete for another week or so, and I'm anxious to try it.

So far, I've made concord grape wine (really good)
cranberry wine (really good)
and white grape wine (really crappy, but at least it got me drunk).
Apple wine should be interesting. Life always looks a helluva lot better when in the custody of inebriation.

Apples and pumpkins - among the many delights of the autumn season.

This is undoubtedly one of my most uninteresting blog posts. Lately, I blog just to convince myself I'm still alive.

I try to refrain from writing about my problems , which - during this past year - have become so overwhelming and multitudinous that I'm presently only hanging on by a very thin thread.

Without going into tedious details, I'll only say that my health is deteriorating and life here in the wilderness looks beautiful, but can be alarmingly daunting and surprisingly complicated.

If things don't improve by the end of this year, I'm going to permanently close my blog. I have too many other things to contend with.

I'm not saying this to get sympathy or advice - I'm merely stating brutal facts (facts that can be difficult to face....).

But - on the bright side - I'm really loving autumn and savoring every day. And I'm always keeping busy. There are lots of things I want to do around here.....

.....if only I had the energy and stamina....

TEETERING

My previous post was cryptic but apt.
Lately I'm walking a very thin line....
teetering on the cavernous Threshold of Nothing. 

My initial intention was to quit blogging for awhile, but an unnervingly persistent sense of guilt persuaded me to assure you I'm still among the living.

Some people are presently worried that the Plague will kill them.

I sometimes worry that I might live.
Ironic, isn't it?   

Life can be a nasty bitch that bites you on the ass and never lets go. I've got decades of teeth marks to prove it.

I won't mention the rapidly increasing trials and tribulations that I have here living alone in the wilderness.

I won't reveal the debilitating health problems that seem to be multiplying daily. 
I often mention my "bad back".
It isn't my back.
It's very serious issues with my spine due to old spinal injuries that never healed properly. The long-term result has become extremely alarming. 
And I mean terrifying. 

But enough of my crap. 
I'm surviving.
If I repeat that long enough I might believe it.

I'll keep blogging.
I probably won't be responding to your comments for awhile. You hold a special place in my heart and I treasure your input and thoughts.
I'm just not in the mood to  communicate.

Is it May already?
The forest is green but gloomy. Cloudy, balmy days. Mists and fog every evening. And late-night storms. Every night.

Beware of boring photos.

 My bedroom window.

Misty shades of green.

The neighboring mountain that I love so much is disappearing behind the sprouting leaves.

The "road" leading to my house where I often get stuck in the mud.

View from the front porch -

a jumble of trees

  The back yard

an undefined jungle

Scratch (Kitzee) and Bosco 

on the front porch

My two cats get along okay, but Scratch was never exactly in love with Bosco. She lets him know who's boss. 
It's rare to see them in perfect harmony.

 

DOOM AND GLOOM

I've been in an extremely foul mood for a long time, compounded by an intensely suffocating depression. I counteract my misery by writing benign blog posts about lovely forests, cute cats and teddy bears and occasional piano interludes......a blessed escape from grim reality.

If I ever unleashed all the problems and stress I have with my (declining)  health and with this complicated life in the peaceful wilderness, you'd marvel at the fact that I'm still sane (which at this point is a matter of debate).

I won't mention my back problems - which makes it extremely difficult for me to walk - - or the ongoing problems with my hip and knee.

I will mention, however, that for the past few days I've been without heat and hot water. The furnace and the water heater noticed my misery and decided to compound it by refusing to work. 
Thank Gawd that the weather has (temporarily) turned mild again. Rain is predicted for the entire weekend.

I plan to (reluctantly) check the furnace and water heater tomorrow. The water heater is located in a tiny windowless "room" that is extremely difficult to access and scares the living jeeters out of me. 

To complicate my abject misery, the mild weather has resurrected the Asian beetles (see my previous posts about this). They are everywhere - - and I still clean up hundreds of dead ones daily. 

I made the long, dreaded drive to town yesterday (Thursday) to stock up on supplies, but forgot to buy several things. Might have to go again next week (before the Thanksgiving holiday).

Interesting Fact:
my bill at the supermarket was $99.99.
I got back ONE PENNY in change.

Unrelated Topic:
I recently lost my favorite ring. It's an 18th century Italian ring, made of gold with a beautiful amethyst.
My question - how the hell could I lose it???? I'm completely baffled.

I'm always extremely careful with my rings. I checked all of my pockets, and the entire house, and the car. 
Whenever I come home, I immediately put my wallet, keys, and rings on a shelf. 

The only thing I can think of is perhaps I dropped it and one of the cats got it (Bosco loves to play with anything).

My worst scenario is that Bosco accidentally swallowed it. I'll have to carefully check his litter box......
am I trying to be funny? 
Naw, I'm not in a funny mood.

Yesterday when I got home from town, I took a few photos. The leaves are dying, the forest is as dire and gloomy as my soul. It starts getting dark very early - around 3:30.

A rare glimpse of the house.The forest begins right where this tree is.

The forest is so gloomy now that the camera flash goes off.

It's early Friday morning as I'm writing this. Pre-dawn, dark, and pouring rain. I'm in bed with my laptop and the two cats. I'd like to cover my head, forget everything, and sleep in eternal peace......at least through the weekend....

WELCOME TO MARCH

Hard to believe that the third month of the new year is here already. The above vintage picture of Ireland is intended to put you into a March mood.

I plan to write a few more Hollywood-oriented blog posts....

I'll wait a moment until you calm down from the excitement

....but I'm presently inundated with problems and ill health (so what else is new??), which seriously impedes my creativity, wit, and irresistible charm. 

What's wrong with your health, Jon?

What's right with it ? The short version is that I feel like I died three weeks ago.

What problems, Jon?

My problems are presently so multitudinous that I use a special computerized file system to sort them.

Presently, my biggest problem is the furnace - which has been blowing cold air instead of heating.
As fate would have it, next week is predicted to be extremely cold - with frigid weather arriving on Sunday night.

I innocently thought Tennessee was a temperate southern state. If anybody had told me that there would be penguins and ice floes in March, I wouldn't have moved here.

So....
I've been doing research about errant furnaces on the Internet and learning incredibly boring but eye-opening things.

My gut instinct (which is usually wrong) tells me to check out the heating ducts, which could have been damaged by the friggin' wild animals that weasel their way under the house.
I'll try to investigate tomorrow (Saturday) - - if I can summon the courage.
I may look tough, but I'm a sissy.

Change of subject.


I sent my first text on my new cell phone last night (to my cousin Nancy).
It was a difficult procedure because the new phone is a LOT different than my old one was.

So...
everything was going fine - until I tried to send a second text. Suddenly I got a "no service" message.

Cell phone reception isn't particularly good out here in the boonies. Sometimes, in order to successfully send a text I have to go to a different room, or stand outside on the front porch, or out in the back near the forest and hold the phone up towards the east - in the direction where the town is located
(no, I am not kidding!!!!!)

Anyway, last night I couldn't send texts at all - no matter where I was. Yet - strangely enough - I could still make phone calls.

Life is one BIG, irritating enigma.

But you already knew that.

 

 

WILD ONE-EYED ADVENTURE

Well, boys and girls - I've been debating whether or not I should reveal this latest "adventure" on a public blog. It will confirm the absolute chaos in my wretched life and raise serious questions about my sanity (if indeed I still have any).

My entire life has been filled with  unconventional incidents, catastrophic occurrences, chaotic catastrophes, and a generous share of wild adventures.

I thought that as I grew older and attempted to live a simple, uncomplicated existence things would calm down. I was wrong.

My life here in the Tennessee wilderness is fraught with problems, inconveniences, and complications.

I valiantly try to downplay the negatives on this blog - but it ain't easy.

It's no secret that one of the inconveniences I despise most is the long drive into town on a narrow, perilous mountain road. The very thought of navigating it sends me into spasms of acute anxiety.

  Last Friday I had to drive into town. There was no way to avoid it.
I was low on supplies, my car (desperately) needed gas, I had some personal business to take care of, and - most importantly - I had to get a postal money order for some new contact lenses.

I order my contact lenses from Canada. Since I no longer have a credit card I'm compelled to pay with a money order (it's the only alternative payment method they accept).

I desperately need new contacts because one of my lenses recently ripped in half. All I currently have left to see with is an ancient pair of glasses.

I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of driving to town wearing my old glasses but I had no choice.

I was still pondering this when I sat on the edge of my bed - not knowing that my glasses were there until I felt the crunch under my ass.

Leaping up in a panic, I saw the pulverized remains of the only source of vision enhancement that I had.
I'm extremely nearsighted and can't see a herd of elephants two feet away without contacts or glasses.

So, here I am in the wilderness with no glasses, ONE contact lens, and an urgent need to drive into town.

After considering all the alternatives (which were nearly non-existent) I decided to tackle the dilemma head-on:
I guzzled a few beers for courage, popped the one contact lens into my left eye, and got into the car.

Within minutes I'm navigating the harrowing mountainous curves while peering through a grimy windshield and desperately trying to see with one contact lens.

As I'm squinting like Popeye and praying that I won't go over a cliff, I happen to see (with my left eye) the bright red ROAD CONSTRUCTION sign.

I've lived here for four friggin' years and never saw a smidgen of construction work being done on the mountain road. To say it's ironic is an understatement. 

For the next six miles, I'm straining my left eye to avoid hitting construction workers, ramming into steamrollers, and running through freshly-laid patches of tar.

By the time I got to town I was not only catatonic, I needed a crowbar to pry my fingers from the steering wheel.

I won't bore you with details about my one-eyed trip to the gas station, the bank, the post office, or Walmart....

.....but I will say that it's a slight challenge to do one-eyed grocery shopping in a crowded supermarket. Thanks to the long and grueling drive, my normally bad back gave out completely and caused an excruciatingly sharp pain in one of my legs.

I could hardly limp and squint my way to the checkout line.

Let's cut this tedious blog post short (or is it too late?). I won't reveal any details about my drive home - except to say that I did a lot of cursing....and praying.
Not to mention squinting.

A grim postscript:
After I mailed my order to the contact lens company I realized that I made a horrendous mistake when filling out the order form (with one eye). I now have to contact Customer Service and try to get it all straightened out.



 

JUST ANOTHER NORMAL DAY OF CHAOS

I haven't been blogging regularly lately - and haven't been reading other blogs - because of an overwhelming avalanche of personal problems that have been completely sapping my time and energy.

No need to go into details (it would take too long), but I will admit that there were moments so dire that I was almost considering Felo de se.
Don't panic - it's nothing sexual. Look it up.

On the bright side (assuming that there possibly is one), I think there may be a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. 

On top of all the big problems, I've also been plagued with lots of little problems which seem to emerge simply to maintain my acute state of perpetual anxiety. Like the plumbing disaster that happened in my house a few weeks ago.

Today was typically chaotic. 
When I crawled out of bed early this morning (with less than two hours of shuteye) I noticed that there was absolutely no water pressure anywhere in the house. Every faucet that I turned on yielded only a pathetic trickle.

I initially panicked - assuming that there was some kind of a drain blockage or - worse yet - a major leak somewhere.
After an hour passed - during which my panic escalated to a maniacal frenzy - the water pressure suddenly returned to normal again.

The problem undoubtedly had to do with an outside water line - and not something in my house.

I breathed a BIG sigh of relief.....

.....until I realized that I had to go into town today. My cats were completely out of cat food. Not a morsel left. There was no way I could avoid going.

So I gathered my pennies together - hoping that somehow I'd have enough to get chow for the felines and gas for my car.

As I navigated the endless, winding, harrowing mountain roads - I kept cursing myself for ever getting the insane idea of living in a rural area.

I'll fast-forward through the entire ugly ordeal and get to the part where I finally arrived back home. 

After feeding the cats, I got a bad migraine which forced me to lie down.

I was probably asleep for a blissful hour, when an incredibly HUGE CRASH woke me up.

My initial groggy thought was that one of the cats broke something - - but this crash was much bigger than anything a cat could do. 

I quickly scanned the house and found  disaster in one of the bedrooms: a shelf in the closet fell off the wall and everything on it crashed to the floor.

I'll interject here to say that the lack of space in this small house has been a major issue ever since I moved here.

My house in Texas had huge walk-in closets and ample storage for everything. The dump that I'm presently living in has tiny closets and no room for anything. Junk is crammed everywhere simply because I don't know what to do with it.

For your intense viewing pleasure I have photos:

 I should have known that the flimsy shelf wouldn't withstand the weight of all the clothes and junk.

 The only thing that broke was a pair of heavy marble bookends that I got in Mexico many years ago.
They should have never been on that shelf, but there was nowhere else to put them.

 Only the base broke - - it can possibly be repaired.
Fortunately, the clock next to it didn't break.

I used to keep this clock on the fireplace mantel when I lived in Texas. 

I'm in no mood to fix the closet shelf. I'll probably examine it tomorrow.

This blog post was TOO LONG, but what the hell - it's free entertainment.