Thursday, September 24, 2015

WELCOME TO AUTUMN



 I took this photo last autumn when I first moved here, at the Sgt. York State Historical Site



First full day of autumn! My favorite season. Superb time of year, perfect weather. Golden sunshine and temperature in the 70's. The trees look weary and withered, shrugging listlessly in gentle breezes and slowly shedding leaves. The foliage hasn't yet assumed brilliant autumn colors, but the green has faded - replaced by pale yellow.

A favorite time of year for insects of all denominations. Fields and forest are busy havens for bees & butterflies, wasps, dragonflies, & spiders. Spider webs are everywhere in unexpected places. I had a very rude encounter with one today.

Let's preface this by saying that vanity inspires me to wear contact lenses much of the time, but when I'm home alone I sometimes wear my glasses. Heck, there's nobody around to see me but my cats, the 'possum who resides under my porch, and the coyotes. And possibly Bigfoot.

Today I'm outside, stumbling through the unlevel terrain, wearing my glasses. In a vulnerable moment, while I'm squinting from the sun, I collide with an alarmingly large spider web. As I'm desperately trying to disengage myself from its unwholesome snare, I suddenly notice that my vision is obstructed.

My eyes instinctively cross to see what's on my face. It's a spider on the bridge of my glasses, straddling my nose!

Holy Geezuz!!

I yank the glasses from my face, frantically shaking them with such force that the spider launches into space like a Frisbee and crash-lands somewhere in the weeds.

I'm trembling like a pansy in a zephyr. When I regain my senses I realize it could have been worse. If I wasn't wearing my glasses the damn spider would have probably gone into my mouth. 

Pansy? Zephyr??
Hey, I thought it was quite poetic. 

I'm still trying to fix my lawnmower, which has no desire to start. It's nearly new. I only used it one time in Texas before I moved. Methinks something went awry during the transit to Tennessee. The movers delivered it without a handle!! I kid you not. Some bastard removed the handle and didn't replace it. I had to order a new one.

The weeds on my property are now about 20 feet high and I can only hope that an early freeze will eradicate them. I can't afford to buy a new mower. And I sure as hell don't have a scythe.

I'll never buy another Briggs & Stratton.
Ironically, my father had a Briggs & Stratton mower that lasted for twenty years. Mine lasted two days.

Drastic change of subject

So tell us, Jon - 
why the heck did you write your previous blog post ? Venice, gondoliers, unrequited love, ambiguous sexuality,.....what's the deal with excavating ancient history?

My present image is that of a being an old rural hick in Tennessee. Every now and again I like to establish the fact that I was once a young city hick in Hollywood (*smile*)


I've had an unusually colorful past and - - to be uncharacteristically brash and blunt - - I occasionally like to brag about it. What I reveal in my blog is merely a condensation, a paltry fraction.

Perhaps I yearn for the past simply because I've fallen so far from it.

I was once young and desirable - my life brimmed with adventure and fascinating things that most people have never experienced.

Now I'm a dilapidated country hermit, stumbling through weeds with spiders on my nose.

Life's ironies are a bitch.






My photo blog:

http://cabinetofcurioustreasures.blogspot.com 

 



 

22 comments:

  1. It's a sad turn of events when you grow older and find things crossing your path that you didn't expect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It seems that the only thing we can count on is the fact that life is filled with unexpected turns.

      Delete
  2. spiders won't hurt you. now bees and wasps, OTOH...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whaddaya mean, spiders won't hurt me?
      Brown recluse, black widow,.......YIKES!!

      Delete
  3. As one who often stumbles through weeds with spiders on my nose, I'll try to be helpful. When Briggs and Stratton replaced their reliable old steel gas tanks with plastic ones, gas left in the tank would combine with surface plastic to create little boogers of napalm that clog the carburetor float-needle valve. I use WD-40 or spray Gunk thru the hose fitting to clear it but sometimes have to disassemble the carb. Good luck! Hopefully you've just got a fouled spark plug.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They sure don't make things like they used to. A tired but true cliche. I appreciate the information. I finally got the mower started yesterday, but I accidentally put in too much oil and have to drain it.

      Delete
  4. Next trip to Satan's Store (Wal-Mart) look for Small Engine Tune-up with an additive for the gas tank and a can of spray for the carburetor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the advice. I go to Satan's Store quite often.

      Delete
  5. This is my favorite season as well. I enjoy the posts whether it's everyday life or trips down memory lane. I once read a t-shirt that said, "Let's all take a moment and be thankful that spiders can't fly." Amen. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's reassuring to know that you can tolerate my rambles, no matter what I write about. Thanks!
      If spiders were able to fly, I'd probably wear a suit of armor.

      Delete
  6. Sure, and I know it wasn't pleasant ... but your encounter with the spider gave me a (much-needed) laugh.

    Those who've gone elsewhere in search of Bambi and Father Knows Best? I dunno ... maybe they're jealous they never had a Real Life. I strongly identify with your phrase, "I yearn for the past simply because I've fallen so far from it."
    .. But darn it, Jon, your story's not over!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In retrospect, the spider on my nose was extremely funny. I thoroughly washed my face after that episode.

      I just edited my blog post and cut out the part where I mentioned that some people have abandoned me because of certain things I've written. It seemed like I was bitching too much.

      Heck, sometimes I wonder if my story will ever be over.......

      Delete
  7. You mean...there's grass in Texas??? !!!

    :-)

    -Andy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, actually I was mowing WEEDS.

      Delete
  8. I love a blog that has "pansy and zephyr" in the same sentence......!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You won't find it very often, I can assure you......

      Delete
  9. Yikes! Your talk of that spider makes me shiver. The only time I went camping I woke up the following morning in the tent (after just one night) with one crawling across my face. It was too much. I packed my stuff and went home, leaving my school pal to do the remainder of the camping expedition in solitude. My only camping experience ever. Never again.

    We share exactly the same vanity of wearing only contacts outside, never glasses - well, except when it's dark and I'm looking for my cats and I'm sure that no one will see me wearing specs. But indoors I wear glasses a lot of the time, needing them to watch TV. I suspect there are quite a lot like us, Jon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm delighted to know that I'm not the only vain person when it comes to wearing glasses. When I was in school - before I ever had contact lenses - I NEVER wore my glasses. I stumbled around like Helen Keller for years.
      My level of vanity is sublime.

      And my fear of spiders is serious. I am not an "outdoorsy" type person. I love nature, but only viewing it through a window. I wouldn't survive an hour on a camping trip.

      Delete
  10. Jon,
    Fall to is my absolute favorite time of the year. Your encounter with that spider web reminds me of my almost daily gauntlet of spider webs as I go about my yard work. One spider web wouldn't break! That was one strong spider. Thankfully I haven't had any of those spiders landing in the bridge of my nose like you did.
    I had to laugh out loud when I misread your description of yourself as a "big city dick . . . er hick." I'm laughing now. But here is what I have to say about your memories and your past when you were "young and desirable." I too had such a life. In fact I was pretty darn attractive but you know what? I never experienced the fullness of my sexuality or life as I do now, one month short of my 74th birthday. All I can say is that if you meet the right person your life is renewed. I hope that happens for you soon because, believe me, there is nothing like it! Everyday is a joy.
    Ron

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ron, as always, I really appreciate your input. I'm not sure if I was ever a Big Dick (*smile*) but I have regressed to being a country hick,.....with an "H".

      Delete
  11. There is an underlying diffference of feel to your blog now you've got away from Texas. I think that place was really bad for you. Maybe Tennessee has its moments after all - that beautiful autumn day looks like one of them!

    ReplyDelete
  12. For some reason, spiders never bothered me. I'm very calm and cool in their presence, and if they don't mess with me, I don't mess with them. But the webs? Interesting to LOOK at, but I HATE how it feels when I inadvertently walk into one. ICK!

    ReplyDelete

I love comments. Go ahead and leave one - I won't bite. But make sure you have a rabies shot just in case.