Thursday, April 7, 2016

WAY DOWN UNDER

I feel way down under - - and I'm not talking Australia. I'm talking depressed. Lethargic. Don't give a rat's ass. 

I don't get enough sleep. I've been eating crap (not literally). I'm tired of rain and cold and wind. Hell, I moved from Texas to get away from the wind. It followed me here. It's been so cold that all the blossoms died. Spring, and all it's components, has vanished.

I'm tired of cats......meee-ooow.
Let them clean their own litter boxes twenty times a day.


I've been procrastinating my dreaded drive into town.....and procrastinating...

What can I post on this stupid blog that will be interesting, endearing, uplifting?

How about tombstones, headstones, grave markers.....epitaphs.......





  Jesus called me and I put him on Hold







 The Butt Brothers


 Arthur spanks his wife



Folks, I'm just an innocent bystander -
I couldn't make these things up



Stiff.....
Hardin Long.....



(invent your own caption- - mine is unprintable)

 Not here....somebody might see us.....

I've known a few

 


 probably one of the Hoes....








Batman.......and Boogers

 Pancake.....and Puke.....



.....and just to irritate the Libs.....
 

30 comments:

  1. I really appreciate your humor even though it comes from the depths of despair! I have laughed my whole life and worn it like a mask so no one would see just how bad it really was. Pretended to be brave when I was scared to death. Pretended to be smart when I didn't have a clue. Worst of all, pretended to be happy when all I really wanted to do was lie down and die! I have stared into the abyss and saw my reflection staring back at me! You are not alone.

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    1. Wow, you have summed it up perfectly! Those are my sentiments, EXACTLY.

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  2. LOVE the tombstones; very addams family like.

    I too am sick of this winter shitty weather AND sick of baseball; third game in and we haven't won one yet! my bronchitis is back. work is either extremely rushed one day or stone cold boring the next.

    I scrape the cat box twice a day with my 3 - morning and evening.

    WHERE THE FUCK IS SPRINGTIME? (for hitler and germany)

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    1. I'm sorry to hear that you're still battling bronchitis. I know from experience that it drags on seemingly forever.

      I have two litter boxes for the cats. My 10-year-old Scratch is generally neat and clean. Bosco and Scruffy are maniacs in the litter box - and they love to crap IMMEDIATELY after I clean it.
      I honestly clean the two boxes a total of at least six times a day.

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  3. The sun will come back out eventually. And you'll come off that mountain. Hope you cheer up soon. I was feeling in the crapper myself til I read those tombstones you posted. They were hysterical. Seriously made me smile and like you, I have plenty reason not too.

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    1. I'm glad I was able to make you smile. Sometimes humor is the only thing we have to keep from going crazy. The problems never end, do they? As soon we get over one hurdle, there are a hundred more waiting....

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  4. What a dreadfully funny bunch of stones. Thanks for helping me laugh from the well of wicked fun I used to know much better.

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    1. That wicked well is definitely a thing of the past...but I enjoy drawing water from it now and again.

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  5. I know I've been 'away' - or at least away from showing evidence of visiting your blogs, Jon, and I've no excuse for that, other than confessing to having put such off for until I have time to read carefully and react with due thought and consideration. Anyway, really am here this time - and I must say I was intensely worried by your little 'prologue' above, most especially re your little furry ones, which shows the measure of just how deep you are. Then I read down the tombstones, and felt better - considerably better - hoping that it reveals your current true state of being able to share jocularity despite all else. I do hope so.

    I recall many years ago on one of our humour-orientated magazine TV programmes a viewer sent in an American poster for a concert to be given by a young girl pianist, proudly announcing her name - Randy Lynn Bangs. (I bet she does!)

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    1. I'll bet the music critics had a lot of fun with that name. I suppose it could have been even worse, such as Randy Lynn Stinks.

      I'm delighted that you still grace my blog with visits - I love comments but they certainly aren't mandatory. I suppose as we grow older we get more depressed. I no longer have a cheery, optimistic attitude. And I'm certainly having more health problems. I love the solitude and privacy here in the wilderness, but it definitely has drawbacks. I'm still not used to all the inconveniences. This place also still needs a lot of work and I don't have the money to do it.

      It's admittedly not easy to have three cats in a small place. They take up a lot of my time - - but they also always bring a lot of joy and make me laugh. I couldn't exist without their companionship. I know you can relate to that!

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  6. Jon,

    Don't know if it was good for you, but it was for me. Got my day started with a laugh. I know a lot of people who don't like their name, but wouldn't you hate to have these. Wandering through graveyard and reading the stone, long time favorite activity I haven't done enough of lately. So cheer up, it could be you.

    Larry

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    1. Wandering through old graveyards has always been one of my hobbies. Unintentional humor can occasionally be found among those inscriptions (and perhaps intentional humor....)

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  7. I'd be depressed too If I came from Texas and from under the shroud of G.W. Bush, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry (to name a few). Your real mistake was moving to a state that is known for Snake Handlers and Bible printing!

    Take a Gay Cruise to the islands. Planning the trip is half the fun!

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    1. A lot of those Texas cowboys are more than eager to roll in the hay. Actually, I despised Texas - and I was only there because of my mother, whom I took care of for five years before she died.

      Here in TN I'm definitely surrounded by Bible-thumping snake handlers. Hopefully I won't get lynched.....

      Now, where do I book that cruise?

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    2. BTW, I also have a cat. Phil! He chose me at the rescue place. I refer to him as my 'Ghetto Cat' as he will CUT-A-BITCH! I deduced that he was returned to the shelter for pulling down a small child. Needless to say, we have bonded.

      Keep a Bible on your car dashboard. It will confuse the hell out of the rednecks at WalMart.

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    3. I always liked Dorothy Parker's epitaph best of all: "Excuse my dust." Short and sweet. One of my favorite poems by her has never failed to help my mood when I'm going through a dark time. Hope it might help you too:


      Resumé

      Razors pain you;
      Rivers are damp;
      Acids stain you;
      And drugs cause cramp.
      Guns aren’t lawful;
      Nooses give;
      Gas smells awful;
      You might as well live.

      - Dorothy Parker

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    4. Dylan, I've never knew Dorothy Parker's epitaph, nor have I ever seen this poem. I love it! The poem is fantastic - - and one that I will definitely remember.

      Thank you for making my day!

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  8. Mohaverat's way of verbalizing the way so many of us have felt is amazing!
    These stones are crazy funny ..... but I'm seriously aghast that no-one felt it necessary to legally change his/her name!

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    1. I'm truly astounded at some of the names people have (or had). Could you imagine being Mrs. Craps? Or Mrs. Odor? Or Smellie or Booger?? I'm astonished that men with surnames like that ever got wives.

      I supposed being Mr. or Mrs. Batman wouldn't be bad - - but no one would believe it.

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  9. Love the dorothy parker epitaph..was going to quote it
    My second fav is
    " I told you I was ill"

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    1. That's another classic. Haha, aren't we a morbid bunch...

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  10. Jon,
    Loved this post! You know that I am a FAG (Find a Grave volunteer) so you know how interesting I find some of the names on headstones. I've run across quite a few interesting ones myself. By the way, "Pancake" is Pat's pet name for me. I sent him a copy of that headstone. He asked if I was ordering my headstone already (I haven't). I haven't decided what to put on my headstone. One of the names I had considered was "FAG" and in small print "Find a Grave volunteer." But of course in HUGE script the word "FAG". Hey, I'm going to go out being totally OUT.
    Ron

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    1. "Pancake" is a cute nickname for you. I've never knew it was a surname - - that's really strange.

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  11. That was most certainly a wonderful laugh!!!!!! I shutter to think what my tombstone will say. I did know a guy once named Brent Stiff...except he never was.

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    1. My seventh grade math teacher was Mr. Butts - - and he was incredibly cute.

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  12. Those people were probably so use to their name they could take the jokes. My name is Ms. Lieck pronounced Leak so I've took a lot of kidding and remarks.

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    1. Lieck isn't too bad - - it could be much worse, but I can understand why you'd get some kidding over it.

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  13. WOW, couldn't find my blog - or access it, today was the day to find mine & yours too!!! Missed reading you, the stones were very funny. Now I have to go back and catch up on your blog....love Sandi

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    1. Sandi - welcome back! I'm glad to hear from you!

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