MY RECENT HISTORY

Is it possible to delete my recent history, like I do on the computer?

Don't ponder that for too long. It was just a fleeting thought.

Last Monday: Valentine's Day.
There was a major "glitch" (I hate that word) on the account I have with a major company. Without going into major personal details, I'll just say that I thought I was financially wiped out.
It was the closest I ever came to having a heart attack.

Tuesday morning.
The major "glitch" wasn't my fault - it was a company error. I was on the phone for nearly an hour - and things were finally straightened out. My Big Sigh of relief was tremendous.

Have you ever spent an entire winter with a furnace that isn't working properly? I have been solely relying on space heaters.
My enthusiasm for getting a new $3,000 furnace is minimal.

Truth to tell - the space heaters have been heating the house better than the faulty furnace did. I've been keeping sufficiently warm.

Have you ever had to wash clothes by hand, in cold water........and then have to hang the wash outside early in the morning when it's sixteen degrees (Fahrenheit)?
The experience is beyond exhilarating.

I wouldn't dare tell you about the exciting adventures I've had with my incomprehensibly errant water heater......

Have you ever been without a working oven for over a month? I know how to fix it, but getting the proper replacement part has been a challenge. The new "proper" replacement part is supposed to arrive (finally) next Tuesday.

Truth to tell: I've been without a working oven for so long that I don't even miss it. I've managed cooking very well without it.

I've learned that there are many things in life which we can do without.
Except sex and booze.

The wind (and thunderstorms) were so strong last Thursday that I was afraid more trees would be toppled. Fortunately the trees didn't topple this time.
My property is presently littered with so many toppled trees from previous storms that I cringe at the thought of cleaning them up.
I hate the word "topple".....

I won't bother to mention the innumerable health "issues" that I've been enduring.
Daily "aura" migraine headaches. Dizzy spells. Problems with an old spinal injury that recently makes it nearly impossible for me to walk (NO exaggeration). I need surgery but have staunchly refused it.
I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to begin a relationship with a doctor......

What's this?
You think I'm complaining too much??
Well, comrades, I haven't even told you a fraction of my troubles. What I've revealed here is only the tip of the proverbial ice berg.

I've made a brief video tribute to my recently deceased cat Kitzee. It's a blatantly embarrassingly sentimental gesture - - but I'm a blatantly sentimental person.
I miss her immensely.

In recent years, all the things from my past have suddenly been abandoning me.....

Video best viewed full-screen

AND NOW, GOODBYE

 

 Kitzee
2005 - 2022

Gone, just like that.
I had expected more - possibly a miracle. Yet, in my heart of hearts, I always knew that miracles don't exist. They languish in the comforting realms of our wishful dreams, but quickly vanish when we rudely awaken.

My sixteen-year-old cat Kitzee died late last night. In the breath of brutal winter, in the bleak midst of a dangerous time when my problems and worries have become tumultuous. In a time of anguish and isolation, when my withered soul desperately yearns for comfort and reassurance, she has left me alone.

Sixteen years is a long time. When I first got Kitzee she was a three-month-old kitten. I was reasonably young, healthy, and content. I still had optimism - which has long since abandoned me.

Kitzee and I endured a lot in sixteen years - the death of my parents, and subsequently many bad times and turbulent years. Through it all she was a faithful and loving companion, whose company always kept me going. 

She was more than just a cat, she was part of my existence.

In her advancing years I could sense that she was becoming tired. I desperately tried to ignore the inevitable fact of her eventual demise.
In sixteen years, I have turned into a weary, bitter, completely exhausted old man - existing in poverty, ill health, and squalor in rural Tennessee. My two cats were all I had left to keep me plodding forward.

Kitzee was in remarkably good health until about a week ago. Her gait became sluggish, her appetite waned, she seemed slightly confused. Her eyes became runny, nose stuffy, breathing labored. I hoped against hope that she might recover.

Yesterday she showed signs of improvement. She drank lots of water and was nibbling at food. The vaporizer that I put in the bedroom seemed to be helping. I cleaned her runny eyes and made her as comfortable as possible.

Late last night - when I was in bed with the two cats - something seemed to change. I could sense it. Kitzee had been sleeping near the foot of the bed. She suddenly got up, came over to me, and nestled on my chest. 

I instinctively knew what she was doing, but I was too cowardly to admit it.
She was saying goodbye.

I stroked her fur, scratched her head, kept reassuring her and saying how much I love her.

Then, suddenly, she leaped off the bed, went across the room, and laid under the computer desk. She made several disconcerting noises, like breaths of farewell. Then she was silent.

I called her. I kept calling for her to come back on the bed.

Her absolute silence told me everything that I didn't want to know.

                                     Jon

I took this photo of Bosco and Kitzee yesterday (Friday, Feb. 4). I truly thought Kitzee was feeling better.

SUDDENLY IT'S FEBRUARY

 

 

Photo taken yesterday morning from the back porch - a fiery ball of sun, rising beyond the trees.

Today (Wednesday) it's pouring rain. By Friday, the wicked ice is supposed to return. Winter taunts...and never leaves.

I don't want this blog to turn into a cat and crisis blog - but lately those two things have completely infiltrated my life. My own health issues were so alarmingly bad this morning that I.......well, never mind.  I always pray that I won't die here alone. No one would ever find me.

Many thanks for your comments on my previous post. I'll address some of the things you mentioned, concerning my ailing cat Kitzee. 

Kitzee hasn't been eating, but it's not because of tooth trouble. Her teeth seem to be fine. She is still drinking a lot of water. She tried to nibble on some dry cat food yesterday - - but she absolutely won't look at the "wet" canned food which, only a week ago, she always loved.

I can't discern exactly what's wrong with her - but she sleeps a lot, and behaves rather strange and seems slightly confused. She stays in my bedroom constantly now. I keep water and cat food in there, and a litter box in the adjacent bathroom. Bosco (my other cat) likes to stay in my bedroom, too. It's the feline home base.

I've checked Kitzee carefully. The only thing I can see is that she seems to have a stuffy nose, runny eyes, and some wheezing. Upper respiratory infection?  Possibly.

I'm very hesitant to take her to the vet. The excruciatingly long drive to town, and all the involved stress, would probably kill her.

Besides, I'm thinking of something that happened about three years ago (2018, I think). My four-year-old cat Scruffy was extremely sick. I called the vet's office and told them it was an emergency.

I was curtly informed that the vet was out, tending to horses and livestock. She couldn't see Scruffy for two days.
I knew that would be too late. I took Scruffy to the vet two days later - - and she died there. I'm still extremely upset every time I think of it.

This afternoon I sat on my bed and Kitzee crawled over and got into my lap. Kall me krazy, but I'd rather have her home. I don't think a (heartless) vet would care much about a sixteen-year-old cat.

In my horrified memory, I'm suddenly thinking of when my mother was dying. The indifferent doctor - who could hardly speak English - curtly said "She's old. She has to die."

Somehow, that ice cold pronouncement hit me like an avalanche.

Anyway, yesterday I decided to put a vaporizer in my bedroom, with the hope that it might help Kitzee. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the vaporizer anywhere. I searched the house numerous times. Finally (miracle of miracles) I found it today. It's an ancient Vicks vaporizer, but it still works and emits a fair amount of steam.

I had it in the bedroom for over an hour this afternoon. I stayed in there the whole while, because I wouldn't dare leave it unattended. I'll probably bring it back in tonight.

Kitzee, sleeping on my bed yesterday.

The vaporizer this afternoon. The steam looks much more sinister on a photo than it is in real....

Meanwhile, Bosco looking out the bedroom window. The photo's kind of blurry because I didn't use a flash.

Change of subject:
I've finally started ordering some things online, because I'm tired and disgusted with having to make the long trek to town.
My rural location is difficult to find and in the past, packages have been delivered to the wrong address. Lately FedEx has found my address and has delivered right on time.

Unfortunately, today - in torrential rain - the FedEx truck nearly got stuck in the mud.

It's happened to me dozens of times.......

 

BLEAK TIMES

I'm presently going through some of the worst times of my life. The onslaught of major problems that I have seem completely insurmountable, and my health issues are increasing at an alarming rate.
In short, I'm in free fall without a net.
And this brutal, eternally frigid winter is a devastating accompaniment.

As if things couldn't get worse, my cat Kitzee (also known as Scratch) isn't doing well at all. She's sixteen years old - which is an incredible age for a cat - but she was in such remarkably good health that I had no concerns. In fact, during these sixteen years she was never sick - not even once.

During the past few days, however, I noticed a sudden and marked change.  She's rather lethargic and sleeps constantly. Most concerning is the fact that she stopped eating, but drinks a lot of water.

I generally feed my two cats dry food - but nearly every morning I give them some "wet" canned food as a sort of treat.  Every morning Kitzee would run into the kitchen and eagerly wait for her food. The past few mornings she won't even look at the food. I tried everything to get her to eat, with no success.

One of my on-going concerns is that my other cat - seven year old Bosco - has lots of respiratory issues, constantly sneezing and wheezing. I've always had separate food and water dishes for them, and separate litter boxes - but lately these cautions have been ignored. Bosco sometimes eats and drinks out of Kitzee's dishes - and Kitzee occasionally drinks from Bosco's water dish.
Also, they both sleep on my bed in close proximity.

In short, I'm wondering if Kitzee finally contracted something from Bosco - - or is it just old age that's quickly catching up with her.

Anyway, I'm extremely upset and absolutely can't bear to see her sudden deterioration. For me, it's beyond heartbreaking.  She has been such a major part of my life for so long that being without her seems like an impossibility.

This post is probably of little interest to anyone but myself, yet I plan to write more about my cats in the near future.

Right now, everything about my future seems extremely bleak.

Kitzee

Bosco